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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 05/08/2017 21:57

You're being very selfish. What a lovely opportunity for him to spend some time with his son who he presumably doesn't see as much as he'd like. This is a great opportunity for a special trip for them that they will always remember.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 21:59

YABU. He won a golf themed break, he's taking his son, a golf fan. Why d do you think you should come before his children?

ImperialBlether · 05/08/2017 21:59

It depends. Do you do a lot for his kids, so that he couldn't manage without you? If not, I think he's right to take his son.

cheesydoesit · 05/08/2017 21:59

I think it's a good idea, especially as it is a shared interest of theirs. How long have you been together?

TulipsInAJug · 05/08/2017 21:59

As it's a golfing themed holiday, I think it's appropriate he takes his son.

Trb17 · 05/08/2017 22:00

I think YABU.

His son is just as important as you (any man I could respect would put his kids first imo) and why shouldn't he go on this amazing trip with his son. His son will soon be off building his own life and this is a chance for father and son to make amazing memories.

MadMags · 05/08/2017 22:00

YABU

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 05/08/2017 22:01

Golf holiday so on that basis he should take his son. Although it would be fab to go it will also be great for him to spend 1 on 1 time with his son!

DereksGotATail · 05/08/2017 22:02

Contrary to other posters, I'd been slightly miffed too.

AfunaMbatata · 05/08/2017 22:02

You sound lovely .

RedSkyAtNight · 05/08/2017 22:04

I'd be thinking more on the lines that it's not very fair on his daughter (or is she getting a holiday away just with dad too?). But then I wouldn't really enjoy a holiday where I was on my own all day while my OH did something I had no interest in.

Pancakeflipper · 05/08/2017 22:04

YABU - it's a golf based prize so he's taking his son who can enjoy it with him and give the boy an experience of a lifetime.
Be delighted for them.

Sn0tnose · 05/08/2017 22:04

Do the children live with you? And what will he be doing with his DD? I'm assuming his friends have also told him that it's not on to take his son on a luxury trip to Dubai and just send his daughter a postcard?

JamesBlonde1 · 05/08/2017 22:04

I think the opinion here is that you will never come before his children. Second class all the way. I don't know if that still applies once the children are independent. I don't know as I've never been in a "step" situation.

Makes me wonder why women ever go out with men who already have children. What a headache.

annielouise · 05/08/2017 22:05

I think his son should go but as his daughter I'd be annoyed. What's she getting?

Based on that I'd suggest you go with her so you all have to pay for one more room and 2 more flights. Is that possible?

Ameliablue · 05/08/2017 22:05

I can understand you being disappointed but I think it is reasonable and nice of him to take his son.

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 22:06

I didn't say I think I should come before his children?? How odd you would think that? His contact with his children was arranged with his ex-wife before he even met me. Both parents are happy with the arrangements and the children are happy and balanced. When the children are with us I take on the role of cooking and we share their care when they are with us. We've been together long enough to enjoy a holiday together.

OP posts:
YouRat · 05/08/2017 22:06

What's your hurry ? You will have plenty of opportunities to do things with your OH. This is an amazing prize for golfing fans. You're not a fan his ds is. Get over it and book yourself and him a spa weekend for another time.

Underthemoonlight · 05/08/2017 22:06

Yabu it's a shared interest they have together and the holiday is focused around.

annielouise · 05/08/2017 22:07

My father took my brother to a football match when he was 6 and I was 4. I still remember the upset that I wasn't going. It was the 70s but I felt cheated so I won't blame the daughter for being pissed off even if she doesn't show it now. She will remember this.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 22:07

I didn't say I think I should come before his children??

Of course you did. You assumed that you would go with him and are pissed off that he is taking his son. Ergo you think you should come before his children.

ajandjjmum · 05/08/2017 22:08

I'd be pissed off - but would recognise that it's a really nice thing for him to do for his DS. I might perhaps use it as bribery to arrange a rather lovely holiday somewhere of my choosing. Grin

PearlyPinkNails · 05/08/2017 22:08

Can't you go too? Pay a bit extra?

user1457213512 · 05/08/2017 22:08

Whilst I do genuinely understand your upset, I do think he's right to take his son as he's the golf fan after all.

Could you afford to do something nice for you? Take a trip on your own maybe? Honestly though, I do understand why you're upset.

caffeinestream · 05/08/2017 22:08

He should take his son - it's a golfing holiday - why would he take someone who doesn't like golf?!