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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Changednamejustincase · 05/08/2017 22:08

He should definitely take his son.

ChicRock · 05/08/2017 22:10

Welcome to life in a relationship with a man who has children.

This is a golf mini-break, won in a golf competition, and he's chosen to take his son who shares his love of golf. I'd say he's being entirely reasonable and appropriate.

Nothing stopping you getting a flight and a hotel room and going along with them I suppose, if hanging around Dubai malls is your idea of fun.

Littlechip · 05/08/2017 22:12

YABU

Ellieboolou27 · 05/08/2017 22:12

Put it this way, if he was your son would you still feel like this? Or would you think he is a great dad who wants to give his son an amazing experience.
YANBU to "feel" put out but i think it's a lovely gesture and it's 4 days of golf, not a 4 week Caribbean cruise.

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 22:13

It is a nice thing for him to do with his DS. I'm not disputing this. HIs childcare arrangements were made with ex-wife before I had even met OH and everyone is happy with the arrangement including the kids who I am told are much happier than they were when in the middle of a broken marriage.

I had nothing to do with marriage breakdown.

Why are step parents so berated on here? Its a bloody tough job!

OP posts:
YourHandInMyHand · 05/08/2017 22:14

I'd be more upset for his daughter really.

starsorwater · 05/08/2017 22:15

Of course he should take his son.

Mumof56 · 05/08/2017 22:16

Could you and his daughter book in to the same hotel and spend the days sound girly stuff while they're at the golf, then all meet up in the evenings?

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 22:16

@abigcupoffuckyou I think you're just wanting to cause a row. I won't engage. I do not think I come before the children. The end.

DSD is being given a gift to "compensate". She's happy with the gift as it's something she's wanted for a while but not been given as too expensive.

OP posts:
yellowbirdie · 05/08/2017 22:16

It would be a great thing to do with his son especially as they are both golf fans. It would be churlish not to agree. You can do a trip another time.

Trollspoopglitter · 05/08/2017 22:17

You've realised you're not the most important person in your OH's life. You come in 3rd.

It's obviously a huge issue because your OH had to make up a stupid story about how bad of a father he'd look to everyone else if he didn't take his kid -- because he knew you just don't get it.

What a great father he is.

If you put him first because you dont have any any dependent and want the same - you need to find someone without kids. They will still be his priority at 25, 30... then the grandkids...

Ellieboolou27 · 05/08/2017 22:18

Holidays can't be taken unless it's in the childcare agreement?
Your not being given a hard time for being a step parent, but for thinking your dp should take you and not his son on a 4 day golfing break.

FUNM · 05/08/2017 22:20

It's the wrong time of year to go to Dubai too hot :) Console yourself with some retail therapy at Blue Water or similar

DirtyChaiLatte · 05/08/2017 22:21

YABU

It's partly a golf trip and his son is as important as you are, so he should get to decide if he wants to treat him.

Underthemoonlight · 05/08/2017 22:22

He sounds like a lovely man to take his son but also do something for his dd. Why not book a seperate break for you all.

katronfon · 05/08/2017 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rossigigi · 05/08/2017 22:27

I think your dp is being perfectly reasonable and you aren't sorry

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 05/08/2017 22:28

I would feel the same in your position. 4 days in Dubai - luxury! I'd be a giddy with excitement!

But ...

YABU. He won it when you weren't there, it involves a sport which you don't share an interest with him and he WANTS to take his teenage son.

If you want to go, pay your own way or spend those 4 days going somewhere or doing something you enjoy that your DP wouldn't necessarily share with you.

mysteryfairy · 05/08/2017 22:28

You were going to go shopping whilst he watched the golf?! Surely you can see that even before DS came into the equation he wouldn't have got much pleasure from his prize if he was left to do that in his own. I've been to Dubai to visit family and the mall on your own would be equally nothing special, just like traipsing round Westfield or similar. Given the current strength of the pound it's presumably very expensive now too x

Miserylovescompany2 · 05/08/2017 22:28

Father & son time sounds perfect - he's 15 and will be doing his own thing in a few years. The daughter gets something she's always wanted so she's happy.

I'd embrace your free time and do something just of YOU - whether that's retail therapy or maybe catching up with friends? Have a please yourself few days...

nocoolnamesleft · 05/08/2017 22:29

I think it's a shame to only take one child. Other than that, for a trip to see a golfing championship, it makes sense to take someone who is interested in golf. And if his DS is nearly 16, he may not be happy to go on holiday with his dad much longer. Quite sweet, really.

alphajuliet123 · 05/08/2017 22:32

I think you should be envious but not pissed off. Think about it from OH point of view - he wants to go with someone who will appreciate the golf side of it, no point winning VIP and having nobody to share it with. Plus, it's an amazing opportunity for his son, and for the pair of them to have a shared experience. I think it he was taking a mate you could be more miffed, but not his own son who is also a golf fan.

Tell him you're sad to missing out and book something equally fabulous for the two of you!

another20 · 05/08/2017 22:32

OP - do you still feel pissed-off - or can you now see that the father / son trip was the obvious choice?

Have you discussed this and made your feelings known to your DP?

CocoLoco87 · 05/08/2017 22:35

Do you have the sort of relationship with his DD that the two if you could have a mini spa break while the boys are away?

PelorusJack · 05/08/2017 22:35

I am sorry but it's another YABU. Thid holiday would be a perfect chance for your DH and his son to have a fantastic holiday. It will be really special for them. Your DHs son might soon be too busy with his studies/uni/work etc to go on holiday with his DH again. Whereas you and your DH have the rest of your lives to go on lots of fabulous holidays.
I'd wish them well and suggest to your DH that he save up for a special trip with his DD at a later date.

My DH has taken each of our four DC for their own individual special weekends holidays over the years.

Having said all that I completely understand why you wish it was you 😂 although Dubai is a bit shite

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