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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 05/08/2017 22:36

You moved in with him after only six months. That's a bit quick. I think he's doing the right thing taking his son on holiday. It doesn't sound as if you are ready for a relationship with a man who is involved with his two children. Find somebody who is free.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 05/08/2017 22:37

When are you going to acknowledge that nearly everyone says YABU. You are. He has won a golfing holiday, he wants to take his son whomis a fan of golf. It does sound like you think you should come first because you think he should take you over his son, which he really shouldn't. No reason why you can't both take a different holiday together. This sounds like a great trip for your OH to share something with his son.

Scholes34 · 05/08/2017 22:37

You're not being unreasonable to feel privately disappointed not to be going to Dubai. YABU to assume you should be first choice.

To make things fair, put all the names of the people (you, DSD, DSS) who genuinely want to watch four days of golf into a hat and pick one at random to go on the trip.

pictish · 05/08/2017 22:38

It's a golf holiday though. Might as well take a golf enthusiast.

spaghettiforhair · 05/08/2017 22:38

I understand where you are coming from and would be a little miffed and just because you are doesn't mean you think you come before his children, that is a ridiculous thing to say.

But and here is the but as it's a golfing holiday and his son loves golf it makes sense for him to go with his dad.

Could you both pay for you and his daughter to go along as she is also missing out?

RB68 · 05/08/2017 22:39

Tell him you are disappointed but understand. I would persuade him you and step daughter might need some shopping time at home though to make it up to her as well

viques · 05/08/2017 22:39

I think you have had a lucky escape. Four days enforced solitary cruising the fleshpots of Dubai looking at the tacky'luxury' stuff they are flogging without even a friend to giggle with at the tasteless excess, while he goes off and plays golf . One day would do me!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 05/08/2017 22:40

Shopping in Dubai is massively overrated.

probably missing the point but it's true

AmysTiara · 05/08/2017 22:41

Sorry I get you were looking forward to a trip but i think it's best he takes his son. After all his son enjoys golf too so it will be a fantastic experience for him.

spaghettiforhair · 05/08/2017 22:42

@vivien You moved in with him after only six months. That's a bit quick. I think he's doing the right thing taking his son on holiday. It doesn't sound as if you are ready for a relationship with a man who is involved with his two children. Find somebody who is free

Since when is it your business to decide how quick a relationship is moving and whether the OP is ready for it?? Wind ya neck in and focus on the question the OP actually asked about.

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 22:42

'I didn't say I should come before his children'

You did actually OP!

Frankly, a man who puts his CHILDREN before anything else is a man that would be a keeper. (For me.)

YABU, and you are pretty selfish!

honeyroar · 05/08/2017 22:45

I can understand your reaction, but of course he should share the prize with the person closest to him that shares his hobby rather than someone that just wants to go shopping. (Shopping in Dubai isn't much different from shopping in the uk, it's all chains of the same shops and not that much cheaper nowadays). And I'm a stepmum, so not slating you for that.

bellalou1234 · 05/08/2017 22:48

I'd be annoyed too, I can't believe the hard time you're getting!!
Who wouldn't love a trip to Dubai, I'm sure he could have done something nice with both the children before or after the trip.

VeryCunningStunt · 05/08/2017 22:48

We've been together long enough to enjoy a holiday together.

1 year? 14 years? Why so vague?

Viviennemary · 05/08/2017 22:48

I think it is significant that the OP is so upset over a man daring to want to take his son on holiday instead of her. You can't just walk into a man's life who already has children and expect to be number one and be put first.

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 22:49

@abigcupoffuckyou I think you're just wanting to cause a row. I won't engage. I do not think I come before the children. The end

Don't be a tit. I'm merely stating the facts.

If you don't think you should have gone instead of the kid, what are you pissed off about? What is your thread about?

lifebook · 05/08/2017 22:51

I will spectacularly miss the point too and also say you have had a lucky escape - flying 7 hours to wander around shopping malls which must be a bit like a boiling hot Milton Keynes - urgh...

rachrach2 · 05/08/2017 22:51

I don't have stepchildren, but I would assume it would be me going if my husband won a prize like that and not one of our children! I'd at least expect it to be decided together. I can see why he is taking his son but also, yanbu to be disappointed.

lilforest · 05/08/2017 22:53

It's refreshing to see a father put his children before his new partner...as it should be!
He's definitely got his priorities straight!

user1493059174 · 05/08/2017 22:54

Do you have children of your own? If not, I can understand you not being able to fully understand. If you do, you should naturally know the answer. What a fabulous opportunity for father and son to create life time memories doing something they both love. Book something lovely for yourself.

AtSea1979 · 05/08/2017 22:54

YABU though I'm surprised he's taking his son and not a golf buddy. Unless his son was on the other trip too?

passmethewineplease · 05/08/2017 22:55

yabu OP.

You said yourself his son is a big fan of golf, who better to invite? They get some father son bonding time. His daughter is happy with her treat too.

BifsWif · 05/08/2017 22:58

Of course YABU.

He sounds like a great father.

Piratesandpants · 05/08/2017 23:01

YABU. As I was reading your post I was expecting you to say he was taking one of his mates and was ready to say YANBU. Your DP has two children , I.e. 2 people in his life who come before you.

camtt · 05/08/2017 23:04

I wonder if the OP were the mother of the DCs would she still be told she must surely come in third place in her DHs affections? I have a DH and DCs, I think I rank equal.

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