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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off about holiday

431 replies

ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 21:55

A little bit of background. OH and I live together in a very happy relationship, we met about six months after his marriage broke down and I moved in six months later (I know really quick but we're not kids and didn't see the point of hanging around when we are very happy together). He has two children, boy and a girl, nearly 16 and 11. OH is very much into his sport which I don't generally mind, it does take up a lot of our spare time but it gives me down time to enjoy time with friends, catching up with personal stuff (I work long full time hours).

OH recently went abroad on a boys golfing trip, only 5 days and funded entirely by himself. No issues here. While he was abroad he entered a competition for a bit of a laugh with no intention of winning. A bit of a pitch and putt. He's ended up winning an all expenses paid, four day trip to Dubai to watch a golf competition final. Luxury flights, accommodation, meals paid for, you name it.

Fabulous! I get to go shopping in the Dubai malls while he watches the golf. No! He's decided to take his 15 year old son (who shares his love of golf - it would be wrong of me to miss this bit out). The reason being is that his mates would disown him if they thought that he would not take his son and he would be a bad father - not necessarily in that order). The golf will take up a small proportion of the trip.

AIBU to be pissed off?

OP posts:
MelanieCheeks · 05/08/2017 23:04

I can relate.

My dh, a keen motorbiker, won a trip for2 to the final moto gp session in Valencia this year. Lots of free booze, late night parties etc

The prize was a fundraiser for Down's syndrome, and dh is taking his son, who is downs ( and 23 as that's relevant)

So part of me is going hey, I'd make better use of those free parties! But I totally get why he is taking his son. And I'm planning nice things to do for myself while they're away.

Phalenopsisgirl · 05/08/2017 23:08

Yanbu- he should have talked it through with you and come to an agreement, that's what you do when you are in a partnership. These people saying you should suck up being 3rd best are clueless. If you choose to share your life with someone you take their feelings into consideration, this could have been handled so differently. How would he feel if you carried on completely to your own agenda in life? Maybe you need to be unavailable to be there for the cooking etc when his kids come to stay and you should start conducting yourself without consideration towards them and see how long it takes before he kicks off about it, my guess would be not very long

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 23:15

@Phalenopsisgirl

These people saying you should suck up being 3rd best are clueless.

Someone having a different opinion to you does not mean they are CLUELESS. But your statement does mean that you are so arrogant that you think your opinion is the only correct opinion.

The OP does need to suck it up, because quite rightly, his CHILDREN come before some bird he has known for 5 minutes.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/08/2017 23:16

We've been together long enough to enjoy a holiday together.

What does that mean OP?

YABU. Yes it's ok to feel a bit disappointed but surely you must realise, having been with this man for long enough to go on holiday together, that he has other significant relationships in his life apart from you. I.e. His kids.

BifsWif · 05/08/2017 23:16

^ Yeah definitely play those games Hmm

Why in earth should she be inconsiderate to his kids?! It's her DP who won the holiday and chose his guest!

Oldbutstillgotit · 05/08/2017 23:19

Maybe I have had too much Sauvignon Blanc but I am not quite sure why you are so pissed off ?

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 23:20

@phelenopsisgirl

Maybe you need to be unavailable to be there for the cooking etc when his kids come to stay and you should start conducting yourself without consideration towards them and see how long it takes before he kicks off about it, my guess would be not very long

Yeah the OP should totally do this!!!

And I am guessing it wouldn't be very long before her boyfriend (quite rightly) dumps her ass if she starts behaving like this!

SistersOfPercy · 05/08/2017 23:22

Let's say I won a trip to the Monaco grand prix (I keep dreaming). I would take with me adult DS who shares my F1 passion, not my long suffering DH who'd probably be bored rigid and more interested in watch shopping. DH and I would do something we both enjoy another weekend.

Its a 4 day trip. YABU. Sorry

melj1213 · 05/08/2017 23:24

I think YABU, but not just because you expect to be put before your DHs kids.

The purpose of the trip is to watch the golf final, so the whole trip will have been offered around that and the tickets to the final/transport to the golf course every day/food & drinks at the course etc ... why should half of that prize be wasted because you don't actually enjoy golf and have no intention of using the tickets? And why should your DH have to attend the golf alone because you would rather wander round the overrated and underwhelming Dubai malls?

Also the golf is not a small proportion of the trip - I'd imagine the tickets are for a specific tournament, which will be held over multiple days, so I would imagine if they are paying for a four day trip it is a standard 3 day tournament (with one day for travel/leisure) and whilst they won't be at the course 24/7 for 3 days they will be there for the majority of the time.

It would be like if I'd have won all expenses paid VIP tickets to the Champions League final in (for example) Paris to watch Real Madrid (the team I've supported my entire life) play and having the option of taking DD9 (who loves football and I have been taking to watch Real Madrid play since before she could kick a ball) or my ex-DH who wasn't into football at all but loved art and wanted to visit the Louvre. Taking my Ex would have meant we had a lovely trip but we wouldn't have been together for much of it and it would also have meant I would have had to go to the stadium alone, watch the game alone, have nobody to share the game with, have nobody to talk to, nobody to be excited with, nobody to celebrate with if they won, or cry with if they lost ... that's just not fun and I might as well watch at home. Whereas taking my DD, I may not have a "couples trip away" but I'd have fun and it would be an experience to remember.

another20 · 05/08/2017 23:26

We've been together long enough to enjoy a holiday together.

Does this mean that you havent been on a holiday together yet - or have one planned ? Is this the real issue?

Oakmaiden · 05/08/2017 23:32

I get being miffed. I would be miffed too.

But I would then give myself a stern talking to and accept that he has probably made the best decision overall.

But feeling disappointed is fine.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/08/2017 23:38

It's OK to be disappointed if you genuinely think you'd have enjoyed that holiday.

However he has made the best decision and I think the DS will be delighted. Imagine how he'd feel if his dad had taken you and he'd missed out, even though you're not a golfing fan.

He sounds like a good dad.

neveradullmoment99 · 05/08/2017 23:39

Could you not go aswell? He could try and book you on it or is it to expensive?

Original poster
ifcatscouldtalk123 · 05/08/2017 23:47

Some bird he has known five minutes?!!

Dump my ass??

How do you know we've not been together for years?

Yes we've had holidays together. Both with and without the children.

What a bunch of unpleasant individuals some of you really are.

OP posts:
PrincessPlod · 05/08/2017 23:51

I am a step parent and yes I would be miffed on missing out on a trip however I think it's right he takes his son. Being a step parent is hard but being a dad separated from his kids is also hard, it's a balancing act trying to please everyone which is something I now appreciate since having my own kids.

Maybe you could have a short break somewhere just the two of you later on. Well done on the family holiday, we've done it once in 7 years and it was hell on earth and thankfully agreed never again.

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 23:53

So how long HAVE you been together then OP? Wink

I am willing to bet it's not long.

SoupDragon · 05/08/2017 23:54

It's fine to be disappointed Not pissed off though, that's a bit much given he's taking his son who is interested in the biggest part of the holiday/prize. The golf would be wasted on you!

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 23:54

And - if you had bothered to read my post correctly, you would see that I said he should dump your ass ONLY if you behaved the way 'another poster' suggested; and that was to start treating him and his kids like shit.

Please do read the posts properly dear.

PelorusJack · 05/08/2017 23:54

OP, it's Mumsnet, it's AIBU, you are a 'stepmother' and it's Saturday night.... it's a bad combination. 😭

Ignore the nasty posters. They get off by trying to be as unpleasant as possible. Don't give them the satisfaction of acknowledging them.

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 23:55

And personally, I would rather stick pins in my eyes than go to Dubai.

hiphopcat · 05/08/2017 23:57

Being honest and not saying what the OP wants to hear is not BEING NASTY.

Fucking hell! Hmm

Should we all just agree with everything the OP says should we @pelorusjack?! Hmm

PelorusJack · 06/08/2017 00:01

Lol, HipHop. As you said try reading people's posts. You will see that I said the OP was being unreasonable in my earlier post at 22:35 So no, I clearly dont think everyone needs to agree with the OP. What I dislike is that some people are nasty and snidey with it.

lackingimagination · 06/08/2017 00:01

One of the strangest threads I have ever read on here. I am baffled that anyone could ever feel like you do OP. Truly unpleasant. I feel sorry for your DH being in a relationship with someone with that attitude.

stargazer2030 · 06/08/2017 00:03

Going mostly against the grain I would be pissed off too. If they were your kids I would still be annoyed so I don't think the step bit is the important thing. His sister will be left out as well.
If dh won a luxury break I would expect to go with him not one of the kids.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 06/08/2017 00:06

He sounds like a great father which, in my eyes, means he's a great man. Count your blessings that you've found a good un. :)

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