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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
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Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 07/08/2017 21:53

I wasn't going to start a new thread until the actual hen do as I don't think I will have anything else to report until then...what's the general consensus?

Thanks for all your hugely entertaining replies by the way - MN at its best.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 07/08/2017 22:05

Just keep an eye on her new drinks/games/etc to be sure they don't devolve into something that may end up being somewhat more 'child friendly' than the original plans (i.e. 'wine tasting' instead of tequila shots). Someone that cheeky may not be beyond showing up with child in tow due to 'unforeseen circumstances'. They're the type who often subscribe to the philosophy of 'it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission'.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/08/2017 22:17

I take it one of the games will be pin the precious snowflake on the model?

ulmiedzaavquane · 07/08/2017 22:19

MN doesn't need to ask permission to use what we post - it's in the terms and conditions that they own the copyright for everything we post and they can do what they like with it. Posting juicy stories on Facebook brings in more users and increases advertising revenue. None of this will change.

All you can do is name change regularly and always obfusticate details just a little so that you aren't too identifiable.

Smeh · 07/08/2017 22:29

When is the hen do? (So we know when to arrive with the kids too). This thread is brilliant. It has been a good distraction from me doing the ironing this afternoon.

EarlGreyT · 07/08/2017 22:29

I wasn't going to start a new thread until the actual hen do as I don't think I will have anything else to report until then...what's the general consensus?

De lurking to say I don't think anyone on here can wait that long for a new thread!

iamapixiebutnotaniceone · 07/08/2017 23:04

Perhaps you could stay behind and babysit since you won't be drinking? 😂😂😂Wink

Trustmeimadoggroomer17 · 07/08/2017 23:23

Imagine being demanding woman and stumbling across this thread, she wouldnt half feel like a tit

SageYourResoluteOracle · 07/08/2017 23:51

Blimey. I've just sat and RTFT... the cheek!!

But oh the hilarity this has provided too. Count me in for the hen-do. I'll be bringing my DD (6) who loves singing 🎤 extremely loudly the same lyrics over and over. She's also really into Attenborough documentaries and enjoys taking on the role of every which creature so would be ever so entertaining pretending to be a stalking cheetah or squawking in the manner of a Harris Hawk. So, you see, although I bring no actual pet, DD is like a pet.

If there must be Willy-related paraphernalia then can we at least refer to them as penis-straws etc? DD is extremely intelligent and needs to be presented with only anatomically correct terms. But-obvs- she'll be no trouble at all! Grin

CanuckBC · 08/08/2017 00:14

We need a new thread right away for the on going saga of Toddzilla. We all know it won't end here😁

Willow2017 · 08/08/2017 00:14

I've read page 1 and page 27.
I don't see why she can't bring her toddler. Her child comes first, that's responsive parenting. I am shocked that no one the 2 pages I have read have pointed out that it might be how you feel in a couple of years time given you're pregnant. "Might ruin the dynamic"? Get over yourself!! She is a parent first and a friend second. She has her priorities right.

Its a freaking hen night, with drinking, saucy games and such like. WTAF takes their toddler to a hen night?
If she is so concerned about her oh's ability to look after his own daughter then she should stay home not drag them both with her!

RedastheRose · 08/08/2017 00:17

You need to start a new thread OP so we can all watch it for updates when hen party actually happens.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 08/08/2017 01:34

As you'll be sober due to your 'bringing your child along', rum we'll all expect hourly updates when the EVENT actually happens.

harrypotternerd · 08/08/2017 01:36

i also say start a new thread!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/08/2017 04:54

My vote goes to a new thread now as well - you never know when Demanding Woman might try a curve ball!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/08/2017 05:03

DragonDog will eat low carb high fat to stabilise his blood sugars to temper the effects.

Whyhas

DragonDog will need large fillet of swordfish to line his stomach along with a variety of freshly cooked seasonal organic vegetables.

Hollyhop17 · 08/08/2017 05:39

Best thread ever. Cant wait for the hen do!

Partypolitics99 · 08/08/2017 05:47

Yep another one voting for a new thread

HettySunshine · 08/08/2017 06:56

Another vote for a new thread please.

Dianag111 · 08/08/2017 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

andherplayfulsheep · 08/08/2017 08:24

I actually joined mumsnet because of this thread when I had been thinking of unfollowing on Facebook so thank you for the entertainment and congratulations on your pregnancy and your impeccable handling of this nightmare woman. I can't believe anyone could be so cheeky!

As for another thread. Yes please, and can we have a link here so we don't miss it!

And don't be surprised when she finds out that you're pregnant if she asks why you were allowed to bring your kid 😆

janthea · 08/08/2017 08:28

Yes - hen do update please. Can you add a link to it this thread so I won't miss it!!!GrinGrin

janthea · 08/08/2017 08:37

Can I bring my cat Bella. She's no trouble and will probably sleep through the whole thing. BUT if there are strippers she may think the willies are toys and make a grab for them ConfusedConfused

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?
UrsulaPandress · 08/08/2017 09:00

Mittens1969 · 08/08/2017 09:16

The last thing I'd have wanted when parenting toddlers would have been to have one at a hen do! That would really annoy a lot of mums there.
I wouldn't want to have my own toddler with me either, imagine the stress of it, no thanks!