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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
tribpot · 07/08/2017 07:37

Has no-one demanded stabling for their pet elephant yet? She is very sensitive to loud noise and likely to stampede if anything vulgar happens.

GinIsIn · 07/08/2017 07:37

@Cupcake99 MaxwellDog is hypoallergenic and says you can sit next to her but only if you bring cheese.

SnugglySnerd · 07/08/2017 07:58

I've got an awful feeling they might turn up anyway. Why else would she be organising children's classy games??

mummabubs · 07/08/2017 08:01

Well it'll be interesting to see how this plays out! And in response to your latest question OP, hen dos definitely bring out the crazy!! (My experience might make you feel better?)

My sister's hen do- I was MoH but one of sister's friends really wanted to organise it, I checked and my sister had no objection to this and said friend was good at organising things so I was happy to go with that. "Fab" friend then went ahead to organise and book (without checking with any other hens) for hen do to occur nearly 400 miles away from where everyone else was living... but conveniently enough was where she'd been living for the last three years. So cost us all £150 each to get domestic flights, then (again booked) a hotel that cost nearly £200 a room per night for the one night we were there... when it was already planned that we were out until the small hours and had to be at the next activity (and check out of hotel) by 9am the next morning, so I paid £200 for about 5 hours of room use, which I was unconscious for the entirety of my 'stay'. The ULTIMATE boo boo on my side though was that this friend had messaged me and my other sister beforehand, saying she appreciated it would be nice for a little activity for just the three sisters to go off and do whilst the others went to next activity venue to decorate, therefore would we (just the two sisters) be happy to pay a bit extra to cover the three of us to go and get our hair and makeup done for the evening at a local department store. We paid an extra £50 each, then on the actual hen we'd finished the afternoon activity and friend then gleefully announced that she'd see us all in a bit as she was taking herself and bride to get their hair and make up done so we'd need to get taxis to the next place. Suffice to say I felt seriously pissed off at that point and haven't spoken to this person since. I've bitten my tongue for the sake of my sister (who it turns out since the wedding also has issues with this friend!) Short of it: I paid nearly £500 total for 48 hours in the UK. On the plus it meant when I was engaged two years later I was able to say to my sisters what sort of things I valued, I.e local and low cost!! 😂

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 07/08/2017 08:26

What age is this precious child?
She's a no trouble toddler for the hen do, but just a a baby for the wedding

MachineBee · 07/08/2017 08:50

Delurking- YADNBU! So glad the bride to be has been involved to hopefully stop the nonsense (and on alert for wedding nonsense).

Definitely be prepared to lower tone on classy games.

People are really that entitled. I organised a Xmas dinner for 50+ for a club I'm member of. We have a junior section and committee agreed that it would good to invite teenage members to make them feel involved (as long as they brought a parent to look after them). One teen brought his mum, who brought her 6 month old as she was BF. She proceeded to sit next to me I'm a mother of 2 but not great with babies as mine were criers and I'm still scarred and somehow said baby ended up on my lap for most of meal even though I kept passing her back. I ended up walking round room checking everyone was ok just to get away from baby. She didn't cry much, but I was all dressed up and very pissed off that the evening I'd spent months organising, got totally hijacked by this parent. Angry

Oh, and parent asked for diary-free and picked all the items on menu that had cream, butter or cheese as s key component of the dish. Hmm. Restaurant were very good and somewhat amused! Grin

harrypotternerd · 07/08/2017 09:45

this thread needs to go to classics!

MadamePomfrey · 07/08/2017 09:56

@mummabubs she made you and your other sister pay for her and you sister (the bride) to get hair and make up done??? I hope I have misunderstood but if not you deserve a 😇 For not telling her where to go!!

GreenTulips · 07/08/2017 09:58

KeepServingTheDrinks

You are hereby invited to all our future parties, get togethers, Christmas's, Birthday parties and BBQ's - you will be the entertainment - I'll pass you a list for peeing in drinks!!!

socubatevira · 07/08/2017 10:30

@John4703
Marry me!!!!!!!! 😁 Love this viewpoint!!! Well said!

Maraudersmap1 · 07/08/2017 10:41

This is the thread that just keeps on giving 😂😂

Groovee · 07/08/2017 10:50

I think despite everything Todzilla will still turn up with her PFB!

LagunaBubbles · 07/08/2017 10:53

She is a parent first and a friend second. She has her priorities right

Er you do know what a hen night is? You have a strange way of looking at it if you think taking a toddler to a hen night is someone getting their priorities right! Grin

socubatevira · 07/08/2017 11:01

What does PFB mean???

squoosh · 07/08/2017 11:03

Precious First Born

socubatevira · 07/08/2017 11:04

@TheBrilloPad I'm going to cut you some slack here. You are not this friend (unless your request/responses to hen organiser/bride were as lofty and entitled???!!!)
You brought your child, but YOU left as and when was required. You didn't BRING CHILD AND HUSBAND to dinner/games/barn!

I still can't get over this whole affair!!

socubatevira · 07/08/2017 11:11

@squoosh Thanks! Still getting to grips with MN and abbreviated chat in general 😉

youarenotkiddingme · 07/08/2017 11:23

Have enjoyed reading this whole thread whilst DS sleeps!

She is a nightmare but well done on standing your ground.

Yesterday there was an event for my cousins wife. Organise from what I can work out by her friends. Family also invited and most have children.
Event was apparently a surprise - yet came with an amazon wish list and if you don't want to buy from list they need ..... listShockHmm
Next thing we know it's child free because the person the events for has decided she wants it that way. So not much of a surprise then Wink
A) that's fine but most people couldn't then attend and
B) the photos that went on FB had a child in them Hmm

Best thing is - guess what the child free party was?!

MrsC2009 · 07/08/2017 11:26

Baby shower?

Mittens1969 · 07/08/2017 11:28

No, just no! I was expecting to hear that she was a single mum whose babysitter had pulled out, but she has a DH. What's the worst that could happen? DD has a bad night missing mummy and DH has to forego a good night's sleep for once lol!

My DD2 has always been clingy and doesn't like me going away, she's better now at 5. But the worst that can happen is that she'll have a bad night and be clingy when I get back. No big deal.

No way would anyone want a tantruming toddler at a hen party. I'm guessing there are probably others among the guests who are mums and they're looking forward to some child free time, not to having another mum's screaming toddler around. And a toddler out of routine will throw tantrums, it's what they do.

Please stick to your guns.

Trills · 07/08/2017 11:34

Bride replied "But neither do I, they're not invited"

I love this bride.

Other organiser sounds a bit crap - has she actually helped at all? Or just wafted about vaguely saying things like "this will be nice" or "everything will be fine"?

fourandnomore · 07/08/2017 11:39

Youarenotkiddingme that is hilarious! Lucky escape if you couldn't make it by the sound of it. OP you've handled this brilliantly, she is a nightmare. Hope the hen do goes well and thank goodness bride is just as fantastic.

Summerblush1982 · 07/08/2017 11:42

Loved reading this thread!! Let us know the latest and what the new thread will be called!!

Londonmamabychance · 07/08/2017 11:44

Oh my, this is shy I hate hen dos. And weddings, haha! So many rules about how it has to be, and can't fit anything a bit different in. If I was that woman, I'd just have Lille's out myself, realising this was no occasion for dragging a toddler along. That said, she's obvs desperate to go, so if I were you, Od get the bride involved, it's her friend, so up to her if she wants to accommodate her neeed. Do not take it on yourself to tell her no, without checking with the bride it's how she feels

Londonmamabychance · 07/08/2017 11:46

why not shy and pulled, not Lille's