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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

967 replies

whyhastherumgone · 05/08/2017 18:44

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
DancesWithOtters · 07/08/2017 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

driveninsanebythehubby · 07/08/2017 20:16

Oh wow - just wow! That's taken hours but soooo worth it!

OP if love to come too as everyone else is coming. Obviously there should be no men on a hen do except for strippers so I do hope that this is in place? I won't bring the kids but I do think you need to tell all of the other MN'ers that they can't bring theirs now. Oh and I'm allergic to all animals so they all have to stay behind. Could everyone wear brand new outfits that haven't been anywhere near any animal just in case? What time will you arrange for me to be picked up as obviously I can't drive if it's a hen do.

Seriously now - OP congrats on handling this so well, and congrats on your pregnancy.

Do we think Notforsale really is the demanding hen? I thought it was sarcastic to start then got to the end and thought actually they were serious..... if you are & you're reading this - you are one cheeky entitled fucker!

OP - what games is she trying to organise?

driveninsanebythehubby · 07/08/2017 20:18

Just read your update - you are right to be paranoid!

NoNameNoGame · 07/08/2017 20:29

On the Daily Mail! 😂

MadMags · 07/08/2017 20:30

Oh dear. Hope she doesn't see it...👀👀👀

NoNameNoGame · 07/08/2017 20:31

Sorry my bad... I meant FaceBook.

willknitforwine · 07/08/2017 20:32

Wow, super late to this party but have spent all afternoon reading the full thread so have no shame in placemarking here to keep track of the update thread...

OP, this has been brilliant. So sorry you've had to deal with so much crazy but honestly, pure gold for the rest of us! Wink

Partypolitics99 · 07/08/2017 20:34

Have the daily mail picked this up then?
they did it will one of my threads not so long ago.
I wish my job was that easy, scroll though mumsnet all day and pick up stories for a newspaper Hmm

Cookie37 · 07/08/2017 20:35

Well done for sticking to your guns ! Hold your nerve ! (You prob already have - am a bit late to thread !) Even if the bride does like the child, she wouldn't flipping like it on her hen do ffs ! Good luck ! Great response from Fenella and totally agree with Yellowbirdie .

Partypolitics99 · 07/08/2017 20:37

By the way just told my husband and he spat out his wine laughing at the gall of the women.
DS is being really challenging for DH at the moment for some reason but he said he would not even dream of doing this, it would just not be an option

GreenTulips · 07/08/2017 20:45

Could we all just dump the kids with Demanding Woman and bugger off out! Sure she wouldn't mind babysitting! Her DH could help?

driveninsanebythehubby · 07/08/2017 20:49

Green that's perfect! What a way to get him used to looking after some kids!

MiniCooperLover · 07/08/2017 20:53

Does Mumsnet ask permission from the OP before they link these to Facebook?

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 07/08/2017 20:56

They didn't ask me @minicooperlover :-/

My own fault though for posting - just hope she doesn't see it.I didn't realise how big the thread would get!

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 07/08/2017 20:58

MaxwellDog says she doubts the toddler is organic as Toddzilla no doubt gives little princess anything she wants, and she's therefore about 90% refined sugar. But MaxwellDog is happy to bring berocca and wheatgrass shots if that helps?

Original poster
whyhastherumgone · 07/08/2017 21:02

@fenellamaxwellspony I think MaxwellDog is right to be cautious

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 07/08/2017 21:06

Maisy here's my contribution to the sweepstake. 💷

GinIsIn · 07/08/2017 21:09

@whyhastherumgone Well, quite!

RebootYourEngine · 07/08/2017 21:14

Green fantastic idea. Where do i drop ds off?

We need a new thread.

WoofWoofMooWoof · 07/08/2017 21:14

I know I'm late to the thread, but I have 8-yo DTDs, can I come as well and bring them? But there has to be a choc fountain with loads of marshmallows, and a sparkly unicorn. I don't have a dog, but could possibly borrow the neighbour's husky puppy. He'll be quite and well-behaved, I'm sure.

I can also imagine, if Demanding Friend does come to the hen do, after a few drinks getting all aggressive and start on you OP Sad. Could turn ugly.

AndromedaPerseus · 07/08/2017 21:30

Demanding hen is going to turn in with dd and dh mark my words Wink I've met this sort before and they can't take no for an answer Oh the drama!

Spotsandstars · 07/08/2017 21:34

Op. Does this woman live in the south west?!!!! Sounds like someone I had to deal with a while ok 😂😂😂

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 07/08/2017 21:47

I also forsee a "I tried to leave the house but she wouldn't be prised from my leg so I had no choice but to bring her, but it's ok, my partner is here too to look after her." 😁

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 07/08/2017 21:52

I think you need to start a new thread ...

MammaTJ · 07/08/2017 21:52

My DD would now like to come to the hen do! She is 11, but nearly 12, which is adult according to medication doses.

But, she is my youngest DD, so my baby girl so could surely slip into the wedding and be barely noticed.

It will all be fine!