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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Stepkids with verrucas

343 replies

thelentil · 05/08/2017 17:28

Two skids, 7 and 8 have untreated veruccas, don't wear socks, get nits, which don't get treated, they stay every other weekend. I have a 3yo and don't want her constantly exposed to this stuff. AIBU to not want them around my toddler? What can I do? Spend every other weekend bleaching and de nitting?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 18:24

Is he paying enough maintenance?

IrritatedUser1960 · 05/08/2017 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for use of a disablist term. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 18:27

Can we not use disablist terms?

abigcupoffuckyou · 05/08/2017 18:29

Well you shouldn't have had a child with a man who is happy to neglect his first two children, and allow their mother to do the same.

How can you live with a man like that? How can you facilitate it?

Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 18:30

IrritatedUser1960 did you just transport from 1960? That word is appallingly offensive. Absolutely no need whatsoever to use that term.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 18:31

Notreallyarsed, I'm sure you understand how frustrating this situation is. I have previously treated ailments including ringworm, infections and UTIs from not drinking enough. I am venting on here because in real life there are actual children involved who have lived with me for an extended period. I am not just blundering in on this situation but have been doing this for a while and feeling powerless and protective of my own little precious

I get on well with the kids and have never used the term "skids" out loud, ever. I am trying to look out for them, but they are not my children

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 18:33

I fully understand how unbelievably frustrating it is, but my DP didn't "forget" to treat them, or shunt it all on to me. I honestly can't see why you're not hopping mad with yours and blaming it all on their mum. I'm not saying she's not shit, I'm just saying he is their dad and should be stepping up.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 18:35

InvisibleCities, no, not immediately, when discovered, we keep a supply of nit lotion

I don't know what he pays, it's between him and her

Plenty of stern words had here

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 18:36

He's neglecting all of his kids, both your stepkids and your wee one. It's relentless and it's frustrating but someone has to take responsibility for these kids.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 18:38

If he's not paying enough because he only works shifts to care for your child it should be your business

GeorgeTheHamster · 05/08/2017 18:38

Your DH needs to be sorting it out himself, not asking her. Why are you letting him off the hook and blaming her?

GogoGobo · 05/08/2017 18:40

I think the fact you've used the term skids speaks volumes.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 18:41

George they live with her, she's being crap. I expect her to sort her own kids out, the smaller ones verucca is painful to walk on so it should have been done weeks ago

OP posts:
Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 18:43

You expect her to sort her own kids out but you don't expect their dad to? Pffft.

RadioGaGoo · 05/08/2017 18:45

The children's health and wellbeing are also your OH's responsibility. He's as bad as the mother, so why are you only angry with her?

VladmirsPoutine · 05/08/2017 18:45

Why did you even get involved in the first place?

He must be thanking his lucky stars.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 05/08/2017 18:46

Is current nhs advice still something along the lines of most verucas are self limiting and do not need treatment?

CosmicPineapple · 05/08/2017 18:47

Dad is shit.
Mum is shit.
Do not blame it all on the mum if dad is not doing his share of the patenting either.

I think its great that you put the effort in that you do but all that means is the actual parents do less because you step in.
I am sorry but I would leave.

Urubu · 05/08/2017 18:48

YANBU OP
I can only imagine how frustrating it can be, of course your DP should treat theml when they are there at the weekend but their DM should also be doing it, especially if she has them most of the time!

Lovemusic33 · 05/08/2017 18:48

How often do they see their dad? If its weekly then there's nothing stopping him from treating them?

I know it's hard as I have been in your position, for my now exh it was hard for him to treat them for nits as their were other children at their mums house so the nits would just get passed back and forth unless she treated the whole house.

It's not your responsibility but it is his as they are his children.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 18:48

They live with her, he treated them two weeks ago and gave her the stuff, she did nothing with it. He has treated them again. He can't do anything while they aren't here, neither can I.

OP posts:
allthingsred · 05/08/2017 18:53

I get its frustrating & you need to vent. But they are your child's siblings. & when you married this guy & had a child with him they became part of your family so yes you do have a responsibility to look after them.
Nits are a pita but can come back time & time again.
Veruccas just take forever to go. It's all very well blaming it on their mother but your husband is just as responsible for them. If you don't want to do it or your out. Leave the lotion & the comb take the youngest out to park for an hour while he is doing their hair. When you get back you won't have to worry.

Notreallyarsed · 05/08/2017 18:54

If they're being severely neglected, they need to be spending more time with you/living with you.

Witchend · 05/08/2017 18:54

Get the extra strong bazooka stuff from Boots.

Ds had huge warts all over his hands-some over 1cm. I treated them one night only. It says up to 12 weeks to work. In his case it was one application and they were off by the next night.

MommaGee · 05/08/2017 18:55

He's earning pittance because he's the SAHP all day. Absolutely fine, no judgment here. But that shouldn't be an excuse to ditch on supporting them financially. I get you buy them stuff OP but what is HE contributing to them?

You haven't answers of you think she's neglecting them in other ways?
If its possible to have them more?
Why DH doesn't want his own kids knowing that their mom isn't doing all she should.

Perhaps you need to be looking at a call to SS if their welfare is at stake and DH want do anything

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