Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Stepkids with verrucas

343 replies

thelentil · 05/08/2017 17:28

Two skids, 7 and 8 have untreated veruccas, don't wear socks, get nits, which don't get treated, they stay every other weekend. I have a 3yo and don't want her constantly exposed to this stuff. AIBU to not want them around my toddler? What can I do? Spend every other weekend bleaching and de nitting?

OP posts:
FlowerFairyLights · 05/08/2017 17:42

And thats bizarre about expect g a dad to feed and clothe his own kids. of course he should!!

Penfold007 · 05/08/2017 17:42

Why isn't their father dealing with the nits and veruccas?

gabsdot · 05/08/2017 17:42

If the nits have been untreated for a while you might have to cut their hair short.
That might cause a row but it'll be worth it. Poor kids.

Veruccas are quite easily treated.

MommaGee · 05/08/2017 17:42

So DP is a SAHD?
Just ascertaining dynamics

Wellmeetontheledge · 05/08/2017 17:42

You could spray Heston protect and go leave in conditioner in your 3 year olds hair as well. If nuts jump on it kills them before they can infest.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 17:42

MommaGee, yes, that pretty much sums it up

OP posts:
FlowerFairyLights · 05/08/2017 17:44

I don't see the problem. Why are you upset he's feeding and clothing his own children?! I'd respect a man less if he didnt.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 05/08/2017 17:44

So WTF is their dad doing in all this ? Does he not give a shit ?

Because I'd be pretty worried if my partner couldn't even be arsed to look after the health of his kids.

MommaGee · 05/08/2017 17:46

Ok so...

You got in a relationship with a guy who already had kids, had yours and agreed between you for him to be home full time with your child. Plus the older kids alternate weekends.

Then the money you earn is family money. Just like it would be if he worked and you stayed home.

Of course it should include a room over the step kids heads, food, clothes etc.

What does he do about maintenance payments to the kids?

AdalindSchade · 05/08/2017 17:46

The issue here is that your husband sounds like a crap and lazy father who can't be arsed to care for his kids properly or address concerns with their mum, so you are having to pick up all the slack.

crazykitten20 · 05/08/2017 17:47

Your bloke sounds like a total twat.

Sadly you are going to have to show your own DD what it is to be kind and compassionate to others and you are going to have to treat step and bio kids for nits and verrucas.

As your DDs father seems incapable of being one.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 17:47

I know they're not being treated, they tell me, oh mum just forgot. she's been really hostile to me in the past, still won't speak to me at all. I've treated these things in the past

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 17:48

I do get a bit pissed off that I'm expected to house, clothe, feed them

YABU. They come as a package with their father. If you resent paying he should get a job.

Notwithstanding the dynamics those poor kids need someone to give a shit about them. Treat the verrucas and nits. And make sure they don't pick up on how much you resent them

GreenTulips · 05/08/2017 17:48

Vurucca plasters work in weeks
De not the children on arrival - comb in teatree oil every other day - includes all of you -

If nobody will help - then you have too

MrsBobDylan · 05/08/2017 17:49

I consulted a podiatrist who advised leaving veruccas alone as they will disappear in time.

Nits are simple to treat with some shampoo.

Your opinion of your step children? Much harder to correct I imagine.

AdalindSchade · 05/08/2017 17:50

Come on people read the op's posts properly! She's the earner and she's also the one looking after these kids' health needs. The dad is doing sfa it seems. The op is perfectly entitled to be fucked off.

ShovingLeopard · 05/08/2017 17:50

Not treating the nits is awful, and I agree would constitute neglect.

With regard to the verruccas, I am with you, but if it falls under neglect then GPs should be accused of that also, as current received wisdom is that verruccas should be left alone as they are self-limiting. We are supposed to just leave them now. The fact this will presumably spread them round far more seems to not be a priority these days, unfortunately.

MommaGee · 05/08/2017 17:50

Furthermore you trust him to care for your child but he can't treat his older children's verucaas and nits? Thats inexcusable.

What happens is your child catches them? (Amazed she hasn't). Will you have to do it when you get home because he won't remember?

If you didn't want step kids, you shouldn't have got with someone with kids. You do have step kids so that means raising them together. If both parents neglect them you need to think long and hard whether this is a gut you want to coparent with.

What else does their mother neglect?
The fact she needed a break - is that because she struggles to cope or just wanted a quiet week somewhere sunny?

I'd question whether you should actually be pushing as a couple for greater access / custody and look at having the kids with you for longer.

I think EOW is appalling unless there's a major geographic impediment

KimmySchmidt1 · 05/08/2017 17:52

You could stop pretending their father is absolved of all responsibility for his own kids and tell him to sort it out.

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 17:52

I understand that when they live with us then my money is family money, I have paid for clothing, after school, childminders etc, I bought a house with room for them. I get no consideration in return from her. He does treat the veruccas and nuts, but only after they have been discovered, usually they have been running around barefoot for a while first. They do not get treated with their mother

OP posts:
MommaGee · 05/08/2017 17:52

She's the earner and she's also the one looking after these kids' health needs except she isn't. She's just bleaching the house once they leave. OP seems rather bitter towards the kids

magoria · 05/08/2017 17:53

So their dad tells someone else to do it and then forgets to check himself.

He isn't neglecting his own DC at all is he!

Tell him to sort his poor DC out and stop neglecting them himself rather than have a go about the person he has told to do it.

missiondecision · 05/08/2017 17:54

You are wasting your valuable (nit and verucca removal time) on any subject regarding step parenting.

Its MN law.

LogicalPsycho · 05/08/2017 17:56

Those poor kids are neglected, and in a position where neither of their parents can be bothered.
Your DP sounds useless...and you leave your DC at home with him all day while you keep the family afloat? He isn't even taking care of 2/3 of his children's basic hygiene.

Find a decent childminder, take your DC and run, let the two neglectful parents sort themselves out!