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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU? Stepkids with verrucas

343 replies

thelentil · 05/08/2017 17:28

Two skids, 7 and 8 have untreated veruccas, don't wear socks, get nits, which don't get treated, they stay every other weekend. I have a 3yo and don't want her constantly exposed to this stuff. AIBU to not want them around my toddler? What can I do? Spend every other weekend bleaching and de nitting?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2017 19:30

He gives her the fucking CSA recommended amount. You don't need the money. Give her the lot for crying out loud. Children cost money!!

Original poster
thelentil · 05/08/2017 19:31

SS have been involved, the school called them. The children tell me that she doesn't treat them, she forgets, I cut her slack as they are children and often aren't 100% accurate but she tells him that she doesn't treat them.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 05/08/2017 19:32

The fact he works part time and gives the recommended amount based on his earning he will be giving a pittance towards his two dc and really doing a disservice to them. If you choose to have the step up you have where you work and he's the care giver to your dd then you should top up his contribution to his dc on the basis of this set up. That would be the decent thing to do. I wonder what the motive would be for him being a sahd working pt.

talonofthehawk · 05/08/2017 19:33

OP get your DH to sort it.
You'll be torn to pieces on mn for the crime of being a SP.

hks · 05/08/2017 19:36

can't be much fun for the kids you /the parents have to get rid of all the headlice nit eggs or they just keep coming back

the verruca can be very hard to get rid off i had one for over 4 years and tried everythig ( even old wives tales) i caught it on holiday from a Haven swimming pool and the only thing that finally worked was the freeze spray out of Boots which would be very painfull for a child

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 19:37

You'll be torn to pieces on mn for the crime of being a SP

This is such lazy rhetoric.

I am usually a supported of the step parent. My DD has an amazing one, who I feel privileged to have in our lives.

Criticism should be given when warranted. And in this situation NONE of the adults are doing right by this child.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 19:37

*these children

Backingvocals · 05/08/2017 19:38

No but anyone suggesting SS for neglect on the basis of recurrent nits, veruccas and UTIs - all of which are endemic in my house will get short shrift from me. There's a father who could do his part. But easier to blame the mother. She may well be awful but none of the above is evidence of that.

Gottagetmoving · 05/08/2017 19:42

Your DH owes his children....You married him and have a child with him so it's in your own best interest to make sure he steps up and is aware that his children's needs come first.
Don't get married if you disagree with the whole what's his is mine and what's mine is his thing.

mintbiscuit · 05/08/2017 19:42

It reads as if your DH works part time because it suits YOUR family circumstances. Children cost money and time and he is responsible for 50% of that.

Sounds like he isn't doing his part on either front for his kids by his first wife.

Glumglowworm · 05/08/2017 19:52

i just do not understand how you can love a man and have a child with him ffs when he neglects his existing children. He pays the minimum amount he can for them, refuses to treat normal childhood ailments like nits, and doesn't attempt to get them away from a home where they're neglected.

Seriously, why are you with him? Why would you have a child with him? Because he sounds like a complete waste of space, at best.

I feel extremely sorry for those children. Both their parents neglect them, and their stepmum sees them as an inconvenience.

You realise that if you and DP split up, he will neglect your child as well, and pay you the minimum amount he can get away with and only see your child EOW?

Notevilstepmother · 05/08/2017 19:53

I'm sorry you are getting so little support here. You are in a difficult position because they are not with you enough to deal with this properly. I suggest you continue to deal with it as best you can, and have a word with School about your worries about mum not treating them, I'm sure school don't want them spreading nits and verruccas either. Fwiw it sounds to me like you are frustrated with the situation and not that you don't care about them. I hope that you do care about them, they are not yours, but you seem to be the only one in their life that looks after them.

lookatyourwatchnow · 05/08/2017 19:54

This reply has been deleted

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Headofthehive55 · 05/08/2017 19:55

i don't want my toddler to catch these preventable things

Ha ha.
Wait until your child is in school.

lookatyourwatchnow · 05/08/2017 19:56

OP, post on the step parent topic, you'll get much better support there.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2017 19:57

Lookatyourwatch
Now aren't you a charmer Confused

lookatyourwatchnow · 05/08/2017 20:00

*Mummy of little dragon
*
No, you are just ridiculous. I don't expect 'all' of my XH's money just because his wife works full time. Just the fair amount. Such an idiotic comment for you to have made

MsGameandWatching · 05/08/2017 20:00

OP, post on the step parent topic, you'll get much better support there.

Actually you'll get much the same as you do here. Thankfully that place isn't as poisonous as used to be. It's a good resource now, mostly.

Booboobooboo84 · 05/08/2017 20:05

I've got a lot of time for what your doing and why your frustrated.

Please never refer to them as skids again, how would you feel if your child was referred to on a forum like that.

From a practical point of view if you can swap the house shampoo to tea tree one. Nits hate tea tree oil. Like wise treat them every weekend they are here until it's gone. Do you deserve the responsibility for that? No. But your clearly the only one with your shit together enough to actually do it.

Treat the veruccas too. Buy house slippers for everyone and insist they are worn. Throw them in the hot wash after they've been to keep them fresh and removed the virus.

Sit your DH and have him email their mother and explain that medically she needs to do this that and the other for the children. If she doesn't then he needs to have them living with him.

Because they deserve better and you know they do. That's why your angry because you clearly care about them.

mummmy2017 · 05/08/2017 20:05

Nitty Gritty comb, will take it all out including the white hatched egg cases.

Poor kids, I know you don't like doing it, but thank god someone is.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2017 20:07

lookatyourwatch

The man probably pays a pittance a week. He now works two evenings for the children from what I understand. What I'm saying is he should give all the money he earns from those two evenings to his ex. Not his whole salary. I very much doubt the amount he earns in those two evenings would go anywhere near paying completely for the children. I'm sorry you misunderstood my post as it wasn't very clear. However, I still don't think it justifies calling me a dickhead or ridiculous.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 20:10

OP, post on the step parent topic, you'll get much better support there

Why? Is that topic so sycophantic they'll support a step parent no matter what the situation?

HairyMcFairy16 · 05/08/2017 20:11

Oh for heavens sake. None of the OP has a damn thing to do with the CM. I've lived the same. Both stepkids have had veruccas and knits. We finally cut DSDs hair when she was here because mum refused to tie it up for her. There really isn't anything you can do except make a house rule that everyone wears socks in the house so they don't feel bad. Get into a routine whereby they shower the night they get to yours so your DH can sort out any nits etc pronto. She isn't going to do and you'll make yourself crazy thinking you can influence her. It sucks. Sorry. It does get easier as they get older.

lookatyourwatchnow · 05/08/2017 20:14

*Jacqueshammer
*
Nope, it's because she will get more balanced responses and she is getting absolutely ripped on here, unfairly. Happy to tear into a shitty step mum, but she isn't.

JacquesHammer · 05/08/2017 20:16

As I said. I am usually fully in support of the stepmum.

I don't think OP is a shitty stepmum. I also don't think ANY of the adults in those kids lives are doing fair by them.