AIBU? Stepkids with verrucas

[thelentil]

Two skids, 7 and 8 have untreated veruccas, don't wear socks, get nits, which don't get treated, they stay every other weekend. I have a 3yo and don't want her constantly exposed to this stuff. AIBU to not want them around my toddler? What can I do? Spend every other weekend bleaching and de nitting?

Taping a peeled clove of garlic onto verruca several times was the only thing that worked here. Spent a fortune on other products, also chiropodist. Maybe a coincidence that garlic worked.
As for nits, tea tree oil.
Sorry you're feeling low. But if you help those kids out, will bring benefits for your child, too. Tell your partner to up is game, though.

My advice after having verrucas myself and my DCs and researching and speaking with podiatrists. After once a day filing and treating with tea tree a verruca goes after about 6 weeks. The filing hurts as you have to make the verruca bleed (tiny blood spots) so you know you have got rid of dead skin and exposed the verruca itself. That said verrucas on a child will most likely come back. Childhood verrucas are best left and the body will build up an immune to the verruca and it will go by itself. Make the children wear verruca socks in your bath/shower to prevent spread to others. Adult verrucas don't usually go on their own.

Hello OP
Does their mother have a partner and if so do you know how he or she is with the children does he help the mum etc?

I feel for you @lentil - both from the perspective of having been there/done that and how responses have conflated 2 separate issues of stepparenting - money and basic care for children whether step or bio.

My SDs are now grown young women but for the first 7 years of me being their very young SM (when they were ages 4&5) they used to arrive EOW with nits, untreated ear infections, impetigo, verrucas, etc. They also would be sent with pants so small and old that it would cut into my older SDs thighs because their mum was a passive aggressive and immature dope. I even had nits on my wedding day from YSD because mummy managed to "forget" to comb/treat. We quickly developed a routine of the girls changing into the right size of clothing and me combing and binding their hair as soon as they arrived. My DH did not do this because frankly I was faster and better at doing it, and we are a team so we help each other's weak points. He would ask their mum when he picked them up about nits/illnesses/right size clothes and would tell her at drop off about nits/illnesses/wrong size clothes that we'd dealt with. It never made any difference or changed BM's behaviour but at least the girls knew that when they were with us we weren't using them as pawns.

From what you've said BM either has mental health issues in which case you owe it to your SDs to continue to care for them as best you can when their with you AND your DH should be keeping their school informed/aware OR she's behaving like an a-hole to make things unpleasant for you all, including her kids. Either way, my best advice after being a SM for 20 yrs is to remember that you are the adult and they are the kids, which I sense from your posts that you do.

I'd also recommend finding a few SMs online that you connect with and make them your sounding board - IME open parenting fora like this will never help as stepparenting is far too emotive an issue...as we've all seen.

Good luck!

These children are being let down by all the adults involved in their lives buy yeah, you focus on the inconvenience to you. Why exactly does your supposed DH want his kids living with someone who is neglecting his children? If you weren't there to remind your H, he wouldn't bother either, which says an awful lot about him and his second wife.

Just imagine for a second what it must be like for these kids. How painful untreated verrucas must be and always being itchy. So have some compassion and notify the authorities about the obvious safeguarding failures happening in plain sight.

Yet another step mum bashing! Shared parenting is frustrating - sometimes people need to vent, it's a shame people can't be more understanding.

Missuseff's post above was perfect. Listen to that and ignore the others.

People saying that the op and her husband should be reporting the mum to the authorities are clearly quite ignorant of the whole system. It takes more than nits, veruccas and a couple of forgotten doses of antibiotics to for social services to get involved with contact issues. These children presumably love their mum and are happy living there. The OP and her husband are the only ones on this thread with the full facts of the situation and they are able to make judgements about what is best for these children.

Could you find it in your heart to help these poor kids get rid of their nits? It must be so uncomfortable for them. Hendrix do a one go treatment which you leave on for 15mins and don't need to do again. I used it on my daughter who has long waist length hair and it worked. It's draw back is it can be hard to wash off as it's a bit oily - but another mumsnetter suggested after the 15mins is up put on baby powder to soak up the oil. We did this plus used loads of cheap shampoo and conditioner and it worked well.
I had a verruca for months before I realised and no-one in my house caught it thankfully, despite us all walking barefoot on stone plus wooden floors. I used cheap supermarket freeze to get rid of it and it worked.
I know these problems are not your responsibility but it seems these kids need someone to help them. In doing so you might find they are very appreciate and you would feel closer to them. Treating them will also help your daughter.

@thelentil, I think you've had an unnecessary shitty time on here, but hey that's what step parents normally get!

I feel for you I really do, our change happened as dsd & dss started to get a little older, your dsc are getting to an age where they can start to make a difference.

Do the kids know they have nits? I'm sure they know about the verrucas, is it possible to buy some verruca plasters and entrust them to the child to put on? Building a reward system over them doing the basic that are needed. I know this should be done by their mum but from looking at the situation there's no chance this will happen.

I think it'll help if you look at what you can change, we know it's not her, she may even refuse to do these things because it's come from you or your dh. You can reward the kids for trying to help themselves, as someone suggested combing each other's hair, maybe putting plasters on each other's feet. I would think that a freeze application when with you and some verruca plasters in the meantime should help.

Being a step parent is sooooo tough, your reward will be when the kids are older and they will know what you did for them, kids aren't daft, it's probably going to be a rough ride until that point though I'm afraid. That's why I'd urge you to focus on what you can change, you'll end up enormously stressed and feeling so resentful if you continue to worry about the things their mother won't do for them.

It sounds to me like you're a fantastic step parent, the children are very lucky to have you, just don't let the anger eat you up. It's an easy place to get to and not so easy to get away from.

Reward the kids for using nit shampoo and combing each other's hair, also for sticking plasters on each other's feet. They're only young so don't expect miracles but I think with some persistence and positive reinforcement you'll get there.

I would just like to say again - you seem like a very concerned, conscious & caring step parent. Keep your chin up it will one day become easier

For those struggling to get rid veruccas, look in to lazer treatment. It works wonders :)

being a step parent sucks as you already said so op ;)))) but! it will become better... looks like your sc really like you... as long as you've got your husband support you can do a lot for them regardless of their mother attitude ... as Missuseff said you need support from like you minded and experienced... there should be an AIBU stepparenting.. no one else will understand what you going through...and with you having you PFB its almost taking a joy of being a new parent - don't let that feeling take you! whatever you do - increase your level of joy! (i kno it's easier say than done but you might try? ;)))))

Stepkids with Verrucas - What a brilliant band name.

My dd had nits for a year until we used Once. We fought a permanent reinfection battle. I don't think verrucas are a sign of neglect but I'd be concerned about any parent who is apparently not treating nits. Your OH needs to do something!

Verruccas can last years and respond poorly to treatment. Often the treatment can cause more damage to the feet than the verruccas. Actual live headlice need treating. the nits are egg cases that may remain in the hair long after the headlice have died and small ones can be a pain to get out and you cause more damage to the hair trying to remove them than just leaving them. You treat headlice, not nits.

Those poor children

Don't call their mother their bm either. Unless you have adopted them.

Hello. I think this thread has descended a bit. So much sniping. Not helpful.

OP if it was me, I would maybe speak to the children's school and ask if the teachers could keep an eye on the various hygiene issues. I think there is a way you could tactfully push this into them and they could independently bring up with both parents.

This thread is from last August.

Oh, no idea why it came up within active threads. Hopefully the children's situation is improving.