AIBU? Stepkids with verrucas

[thelentil]

Two skids, 7 and 8 have untreated veruccas, don't wear socks, get nits, which don't get treated, they stay every other weekend. I have a 3yo and don't want her constantly exposed to this stuff. AIBU to not want them around my toddler? What can I do? Spend every other weekend bleaching and de nitting?

Tea tree oil shampoo /hedrin prevent for the nits. There's some vosene preventative stuff that can be used (vosene I think shampoo) preventative from poundland. Send them home with a bottle of it and get the "once" treatment stuff. Verrucas -make them wear socks /slippers round the house.

Verrucas are a virus. Chiropodist advised a fellow dance Mum that they are best left as over the counters don't work and can prolong the problem. Sure enough we stopped the nightly treatments and they cleared.

Nits though need treating. Shame their Mum not treating but then you and DH must. Those kids need love n care.

Veruccas are a nightmare ... I had one for years. I even had it surgically removed through my health care are it was really painful .... that didn't work either.
When I got pregnant with my second child it went ....
Not that this helps you in anyway ...
But all the over the counter stuff in my experience didn't work. Wear socks in the house, keep it clean and then it shouldn't spread.
If you take them swimming get the special socks as obviously they pass in water ...

I was incorrect to imply he was a SAHD, as far as work and childcare goes, he has ours while I work ft, he can choose his hours, so does two full days and most evenings. I have never resented this as has been assumed. It has also been assumed that their mother is on her own, she's not. It has been assumed that he does not contribute financially, he does. She never contributed when we had them, why when you're so fascinated with the amount she gets from him is this not picked up?

I have left many details out, the hostility is not conducive to openness. Where I have left ambiguity, some have assumed whichever scenario that paints me and dh in the worst possible light. I think this could be down to your issues not mine.

If anyone wants to know, the foot feels much better after we used a freeze treatment.

Paying CM is contributing financially. I never said he helped in their home, because then I would have said contributing domestically. So maybe be it is you who is thick?

He has another child who he must also look after and does. Maybe you are just very talented at being in 2 places at once but most people would find it difficult to be at home taking care of a baby whilst simutainiously taking care of 2 older kids in a separate residence...

Hey OP, glad the foot is improving.

Sorry your getting the infamous step mum mumsnet roasting. Fuck knows what his financial contribution has to do with anything but apparently to some it is. I'd like to know if their income is a grand a month per child they've had. I seriously fucking doubt it.

I think your doing the right thing tbh. I mean it's a fine line to walk as a step mum. I know mine found it hard and was vilified at times which is why I get so mad at other people not respecting the fact that your helping raise someone else's children. If you were a step father you would be praised til the ends of the earth.

Thanks Cheesecake and Booboo. It's been an experience

Lucky for me I can support mine and hers, which is a good job really as when they lived with us dh could not work evenings, and we had three lots of childcare to pay when he did work.

Veruccas advice from our senior paediatric consultant is to leave them untreated.

Nits - loads of conditioner and a nitty gritty.

Dd3 keeps getting bloody worms despite me doing everything. As dd1 and 2 aren't getting them I'm assuming it's a child not being treated at school. Dc are gross!

I think it must be really hard to be a step parent. I think maybe your 30th needs to speak to the mum diplomatically. Just because she doesn't like it doesn't mean she shouldn't be told! It sounds as if she's throwing her toys out of the pram.

So sorry for what an awful time you have had on here OP .

No one can ever understand what it is to be a step parent but clearly there are lots of people with very mean nasty judgments . I think it actually goes back to the evil stepmothers in old books and films , people's minds seem to have been conditioned this way .

In the mean time there are men and women putting themselves out all over the globe for children who are not theirs and having it thrown in their face .

No you are not BU to expect the children's basic care to be provided by their mother. Sadly it's common also that some women do neglect their children physically and emotionally and society wants to bury it in the sand and pretend it's not happening .

Social services could help manage this. If a child is in discomfort or pain it should be a priority to get them better. This post has really made me feel sad for the children.

PS, sounds like you do what you can. It's a challenge when you work.

Why cant their dad treat them? By not doing hes neglecting them too!!

I actually feel for you. I think posters are probably feeling protective of the kids as a knee jerk response because theyre vulnerable but also maybe not weighing up the rl feelings involved in this scenario. There's no real advice on being a step parent because its not that simple and rl isn't like a Disney movie. I think your doing great, these little humans have come into your life and societies expectation is that 'you will fall in love with these strangers unconditionally because you love their father so it should come naturally that youl give your life for them as though they were your own'. It's hard because you feel like your fighting a losing battle and you want their mother to get on the same parenting page as you......maybe?

@thelentil I only read to page 8 and I'm so fucking angry I could scream ur sdc are being bloody neglected by there mother and u r doing nothing to stop it that's fucking wrong speaking from experience here love ain't enough for kids u might think it is but it isn't kids need to be looked after properly by all adults involved and yes u r inculded in that so step up and do what u no is right!!! Because it's bloody selfish of u to allow kids to go through that shit!!!

They are not going to go away just because you seem to resent them being there! You clearly don't want them there and with your current attitude will eventually force their father to make a choice, and it may Not be you!

I think your doing great, these little humans have come into your life and societies expectation is that 'you will fall in love with these strangers unconditionally because you love their father

Quite the opposite!

In general, SP's come into their DSCs lives. The DSC exist in the DM/DFs lives before the SP does and if a SP wants to be with the DM/DF they should accept that as far as possible those DSCs lives should never be made worse as a result of their relationship with the DM/DF or future DC.
I don't hate SPs, I just dislike those who do not recognise or accept that one basic concept.

This is not SP bashing - I feel the same about parents staying together in a toxic relationship that does not benefit their DC or having more DC when they are not coping with their existing DC.

If OPs DH was on his own would he accept his DC living in their current conditions with their DM or would he be taking more responsibility, seeing them more, have them live with him FT etc?

Also OP now seems to be down playing the DMs care of DSC because she does not want to take them on FT again. I'm not excusing the DM, she is obviously not coping very well and her poor DC deserve better than what she is giving them. I am sure if this was the DMs thread she would be told what an awful parent she is.

But equally instead of sitting here venting and judging the DM, the OP needs to recognise that the other parent who has a responsibility towards this situation is her DH and therefore the DSC should be with him more if they are not getting the required standard of care from their DM.

Happilyinsane, having nits and verruccas is not a sign of neglect! Most GPS will not treat verruccas as the opinion is now to leave well alone and they will go of their own accord. Regarding head lice, some children seem to have them constantly despite being treated all the time. My ld was one of these. I couldn't use the usual Hedrin etc as she has asthma, and any insecticide, which most lice treatments are, can make asthma much worse. So for about 5 years the daily treatment was a half hour combing session after school to keep them at bay.
However, what IS a worry is the attitude the woman has towards her stepchildren!

OP I think you're amazing. She's nuts and your poor husband what a juggle.
I'd be super frustrated too

What kind of father is he? He needs to take responsibility.

op we've been in a similar situation..my husband called NHS nurse who came to our house (whilst the dsc were with us and did the treatment. And as it was "authority" they commanded to repeat the treatment several times - the nurse phoned the mother and made the arrangements when she can come to repeat the treatment....) maybe you may try that... I know what difficult situation you are in - but it's going to stay with you... whatever option you choose (divorce or stay with your husband)...stay calm! and strong:)

Regardless of your feelings try to do your best to help these kids yourself, hopefully with help from DH. If they're being neglected at home, they will remember your kindness and this may forge a strong relationship with your SCs.

I think calling step children 'skids', set the tone for the responses.