Aibu to think my date should have bought me a drink? Tight arse?

[Miamiabeer]

Met a guy got on well.
Had two dates previous and split the bill 50/50 and always have done as I think the man shouldn't pay BUT last night we went out to the pub and I was ordering a cocktail and him a pint.
I said "oh il get this round and you can get the next"
He said "your cocktail costs more than my pint"
I didn't even think about the price,I just thought rather than us buying drinks separate.
So I just got the drinks separately.
I would of happily got a cheaper drink or got him a more expensive but at this point I was a bit taken back.
My cocktail was £4.25 and his best £3.65 so not a lot of difference.
Now I'm thinking he is a bit tight?

[squoosh]

Why would any woman who is modern and equal to any man, want a bloke to pay out for her.

Surely the question is why does this man not want to pay his share?

[HelenaDove]

1forAll what would you call a man who tells a woman to use Imodium cos hes too tight to buy bog roll for his own flat and just lets it (the bog roll that is) run out.
I posted this experience upthread.
Do you seriously think women are gold diggers just for wanting the basics Really?

You are not reading the same thread or are looking to woman blame.

The guy in the OP is not paying his share.

[HelenaDove]

"He was always being critisised for being well, a bit tight, He did always pay for things,as when he came out for meals with my family"


So he was fair to you but not to others. Wonder how many others had to suffer his tightness for you to get what hes left to you.

[worridmum]

Really dispear with people that want a man to treat them its sexist nonsense what happened to feminism 50/50 shpuld be defult not spliting hairs as otherwise its unfair you are independent women and should pay your own way otherwise you could justify the pay gap as a man needs to be paid more as he has to pay more for a soical life of dating and called a tight arse if he doesnt pay ignoribg the fact you are not paying anything so in fact are the tight arsed

[queenfrog]

Hey worrid, have you heard of a little thing called "punctuation"?

[BachingMad]

My view is that whoever invited the other on the first date should pay, which i suspect is usually the man, but could be either. Second date the other should offer, Going forward, take it in turns, split down the middle, give and take.

If I had had something much more expensive eg alcohol, I would offer to pay more but, in a date situation, would expect to be refused. I would not itemise the bill in any situation with friends, who does that, it's just weird. Nor do I keep a tally of who paid last time. If I know a friend is struggling financially i would want to pay for them and i know they would do the same for me, that's what friendship is about.

Being a feminist is not incompatible with hoping for generosity, chivalry and good manners on a date.

[emilybrontescorset]

Worridmum- I hope your 50/50 split includes housework and childcare.

[OliviaStabler]

Why are so many people saying that you should just dump a man who seems tight with his money.. You just don't dump people for that reason alone.

I have done that. Their attitude to money and other people in social situatuations shows a lot about who they are and their values. He bought himself a drink but did not have the manners to ask if the OP wanted a drink / was thirsty. Shows someone with poor manners and selfish in such a social situatuation.

[krispmallow]

Oh god dump. My ex is a tight arse and it was cringeworthy

[queenfrog]

Why are so many people saying that you should just dump a man who seems tight with his money.. You just don't dump people for that reason alone

It's a perfect reason to dump someone.

[Longdistance]

Tight with money, tight with love...

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Awful, yanbu

[Ohmyfuck]

Omg! What a nob! :-D

[Fightthebear]

Tight with money, tight with sex . . .

Dump, dump, dump.

[St01c]

Very tight! Im generous to my friends. It's not entitled to hope that somebody you like would buy you a drink without making you feel like you were out to fleece them.

I had feelings for a male friend. I went to visit him the other day and we got on v well as usual but id hoped to go OUT to eat (would have gone Dutch, as he is my friend not a bf) but we got takeaway at home and he still made me go Dutch. Killed any residual feelings. So I agree with others, it's so self-consciously looking out to avoid being even accidently generous. What gets in to men?!

[manhowdy]

I know a couple who live together but buy their own individual food shopping, label it and argue if one of them eats/drinks something the other bought. Can you imagine living like that?

Dump - because I think you've accidentally found one of these freaks.

[HoobleDooble]

I very briefly lived with someone who had a go at me for leaving too long a 'tail' on the toilet paper because, when he'd been for a bath, the steam had made it stick to the tiled wall and I'd wasted at least 2 or 3 squares. He also woke me up when he got in after a late shift to ask why I'd had the heating on and he knew I had because he'd 'felt the pipes' (I hadn't actually, I'd had a bath which had obviously pulled hot water through the system, but as I paid half the bills I was still gobsmacked).

Thankfully my house purchased completely quickly and I moved in alone and put my size 7 up his backside.

[HoobleDooble]

1forAll I think there is a difference between being thrifty like your friend was, as he was obviously saving his money and mean/selfish like my ex I've just mentioned. He was permanently broke as he spent all his money on cigars (which he chain smoked), bits for his computer and generally anything for himself. I spent quite a bit on him for Christmas, on lots of bits and bobs that he really liked, then he later told me he'd felt I'd forced him into buying me the (inexpensive) bottle of perfume he'd bought me in return but me saying I was looking forward to giving him the gifts I'd bought!

[hungryhass]

very unattractive. I also think that men should pay for the first meal. It just makes me look it them in a more mature and manly light. My OH pays for absolutely everything when I am with him. Run a mile and don't look back!

[spaghettithrower]

Dump. My ex was tight like that. It ended up with him running a spreadsheet about the food shopping where he itemized who had paid for each shopping trip so that both were paying equal amounts. However, he went a step further than that and separated out things that only one of us ate - so if I bought raspberries, which he hated, the price of them would be put in a separate column and their cost would not be split between the two of us, I would be expected to pay for them.
He spent hours going through receipts and noting who had eaten what so that it would be "fair" at the end of the month when he either demanded money from me for my shortfall or paid me when his things had been more expensive.

Dump that guy. You've only had three dates and if he is that mean already it will only get worse.

[St01c]

Wow. That is a psychological disorder. Lucky escape Spaghetti.

My DAd is very thrift. His biggest fear is getting fleeced in a shop or by a plumber and he always expresses shock at the price of everything but yet he encourages my Mum to feel free to spend what she needs to you know? My Mum knows what they can afford obviously but his thrifty is to protect them as a unit

[blueshoes]

Karma sums it up why you should dump a tightarse. It is a red flag for much worse. OP might end up like poor Spagetti with her ex.

[LazaUbi]

Spaghetti!

I hope you didn't stick around for long after that spreadsheet appeared! That is crazy!