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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with work colleagues?

408 replies

PhyllisNights · 04/08/2017 20:00

It was my last day in the office today. I'm now officially on maternity leave.

I'm very disappointed with what my colleagues arranged for my send off, though. They promised we would do something exciting. I was expecting a work baby shower (which would have been nice in addition to the one I got my friends to arrange), but we ended up just going to an Italian at lunch time.

I'm very upset. I won't be back at work for a year. I've been there for years and I expected something more. I didn't even get any gifts or a slice of a cake. All I got was one card shared from the office!

When work colleagues leave they get a massive send off with work lunches, gifts, cards & a night out. I'm not expecting a night out drinking given my condition, but I wanted something more.

OP posts:
Beelzebop · 05/08/2017 12:10

What's an HR business partner?

TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 12:16

HRBPs are strategic HR folks that work with the business dealing with the workforce impact of change programmes etc.

indigox · 05/08/2017 12:19

It's not them, it's you. You sound insufferable, they're probably happy you're gone for the year.

EmmaJR1 · 05/08/2017 12:20

Can someone put the link for OP's previous thread in here... I feel like it's something I should read... 😂

TheWeeWitch · 05/08/2017 12:24

"I'm a HR Business Partner so I'm pretty important."

SheSaidHeSaid · 05/08/2017 12:28

@EmmaJR1 , someone has linked them on a previous page.

Guavaf1sh · 05/08/2017 12:31

Why bother asking others if you are so certain of the answer?

LightHeartedThread · 05/08/2017 12:34

I don't think you should compare yourself to your sil or others. And perhaps try not to have a set idea as to what should happen in these situations. It never occurred to me my colleagues would do more than a gift when the baby arrived.

People are different, will do different things sometimes better than you wanted sometimes worse. But rarely exactly what you wanted. You are setting yourself up for disappointment if you have such inflexible ideas.

This is a bit worrying when you have dc as you might project all kinds of ideas and expectations that are impossible for them to live up to. The dc will be who they are regardless of what you do. I found this quite a shock. But its so important to enjoy and love them and others for who they actually are not what you want them to be.

Be kind to yourself look after your own needs (go out for tea yourself if thats what you want, get your own pedicure etc) and maybe expect a bit less from people and you may find yourself happier.

MommaGee · 05/08/2017 12:37

but even if I am1, I'm an intelligent woman who functions and gets on with her life very well
Mental ill-health doesn't just affect unilligent folk struggling to get through every day. Lots of very intelligent people have MH Issues (Stephen Fry case in point) and lots of people live functional, complete lives.

And I'm not saying you have MH Issues, I'm just correcting your misguided notions

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2017 12:43

I think you see the send off your sil got on maternity as a benchmark of success. And because you got less, you see that as a failure. And deep down you feel like you are a failure and have been failed. Because you don't want to feel like a failure, you are now bigging yourself up as "they need me more than I need them". And are putting the blame on your colleagues for not meeting your expectations and living up to the benchmark.

Is that how it feels? Because if it is, that's really sad and you're setting yourself up for failure time and time again. I feel quite sorry for you actually. And for your child, who is going to have to meet massive expectations.

And how do I know all this? Because I am the child, who failed my mother. She did so want a girl. And then she got me. A sentient human, who didn't act like the walking, talking doll she wanted.

AuntyElle · 05/08/2017 12:44

TittyGolightly "HRBPs are strategic HR folks that work with the business dealing with the workforce impact of change programmes etc."

Goodness. But I'm none the wiser tbh Confused

WhatEaglesWear · 05/08/2017 12:45

This is a very entertaining way to spend my morning!

Even more so when I read the OP's other threads!

Grin
WhatEaglesWear · 05/08/2017 12:45

What age are you OP?

oldbirdy · 05/08/2017 12:51

Aww, Phyllis, I kind of get it. Though actually I do think your work was behaving perfectly acceptably. When I went off on mat leave with my first, I was the only one in the office on my last day (peripatetic workers) so at the end of the day I popped my head around the door of the receptionist's office and said, "right, that's me then, see you in a few months" and she said "oh, was it your last day?". No card, no messages, no lunch out...nada. I was quite upset. They did send card and present once DS was born and having seen lots of colleagues off on mat leave now I know this is the typical pattern, low key leaving and card and present sent once baby has safely arrived. And I know I was not disliked 😊

AuntyElle · 05/08/2017 13:05

Such good advice from LightHeartedThread and MommaGee. Really the best side of MN Star Star

EdmundCleverClogs · 05/08/2017 13:05

Was convinced this was a troll or reverse until I saw the user name. Phyllis, nice to see you haven't changed! Don't worry, I'm sure the real party happened as soon as you left, I'd certainly be celebrating someone who's such hard work leaving for a whole year.

I cannot believe you had your friends throw you a baby shower! Well I can, but it's still such awful, entitled behaviour that I'm sure with only grow worse once the kid arrives. I wouldn't be surprised if your current social circle will become decidedly 'busy' once you have the baby.

I'm very sane - thank you very much.

Ahaha this made me giggle Grin. Of course you are dear, the fact that 99% of posters on here think otherwise is nothing worth noting.

AuntyElle · 05/08/2017 13:06

And from Mummyoflittledragon Star

NotACleverName · 05/08/2017 13:14

Unless you're about to birth the next incarnation of Jesus you shouldn't be expecting anyone to make a fuss of you.

Delusional, entitled and most likely a very elaborate troll.

Original poster
PhyllisNights · 05/08/2017 13:16

WhatEaglesWear, I'm 29.

oldbirdy, I'm happy it turned out well for you in the end. Hopefully I get some more cards and presents once the baby has arrived!

OP posts:
PlainOldJosephineMary · 05/08/2017 13:19

Phyllis! Welcome back!
Once again, YABU. Of course. So looking forward to you having a baby. So, so much. Phyllis & sleepless nights / dirty nappies / baby vom = Grin

RhubardGin · 05/08/2017 13:30

Phyllis

I love your replies! You don't take on board anything anybody says, you just churn out more entitled statements 😂

hopefully I get more cards and presents wants baby arrives!

Hahahaha

StarsAndStripes18 · 05/08/2017 13:35

Started reading and thought Hmm then checked OP's name... it's Phyllis!!
Explains everything! I remember all her old threads (I've had a name change since).

GrinGrinGrin

AmysTiara · 05/08/2017 13:48

Why do you care about cards and presents so much?

You'll have a beautiful new baby. Hopefully you will grow up a bit and realise he or she is more important than you being made a fuss of.

All that said i am enjoying this thread Grin

DancesWithOtters · 05/08/2017 13:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisypond · 05/08/2017 13:49

I've never heard of work colleagues doing a baby shower. I think a lunchtime meal out is fine - and a nice thing to do. I can't see why it would be on expenses - as it's not a work expense. Any work present would be given after the baby is born, not before. My workplace sent a card and bunch of flowers, which sounds about right to me.