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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with work colleagues?

408 replies

PhyllisNights · 04/08/2017 20:00

It was my last day in the office today. I'm now officially on maternity leave.

I'm very disappointed with what my colleagues arranged for my send off, though. They promised we would do something exciting. I was expecting a work baby shower (which would have been nice in addition to the one I got my friends to arrange), but we ended up just going to an Italian at lunch time.

I'm very upset. I won't be back at work for a year. I've been there for years and I expected something more. I didn't even get any gifts or a slice of a cake. All I got was one card shared from the office!

When work colleagues leave they get a massive send off with work lunches, gifts, cards & a night out. I'm not expecting a night out drinking given my condition, but I wanted something more.

OP posts:
AuntyElle · 05/08/2017 09:58

@phyllis, I didn't say you had mental health problems. I said you sounded vulnerable on that other thread, and possibly in need of help.

SpartacusSaiman · 05/08/2017 10:02

I did suggest she may have some mental health issues. I stand by it.

SillyMoomin · 05/08/2017 10:08

Oh op

Grin

I reckon your colleagues saved the money they would have spent on gifts for you to celebrate that you're now gone for a year

Original poster
PhyllisNights · 05/08/2017 10:08

SpartacusSaiman, that's a lovely thing to say to a heavily pregnant woman.

Anyway, I have to go to medicals for work every year, and I've been in and one of hospital appointments during this pregnancy. Oh, and I think my husband would notice.

My friends and family have joked for years that I'm slightly neurotic, but even if I am, I'm an intelligent woman who functions and gets on with her life very well. Thank you.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 05/08/2017 10:10

Phyllis
You are pregnant for a long time
Do you seriously expect friends to fuss over you for 9 months?
You are pregnant same as millions of other women it's no big deal for anyone but you and your family.

You aren't solving global warming your just pregant. Just enjoy it.

TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 10:11

I have to go to medicals for work every year, and I've been in and one of hospital appointments during this pregnancy.

A medical is usually a BMI and blood pressure check. Not a full psychological assessment.

SpartacusSaiman · 05/08/2017 10:15

Actually people can have mental health problems for years witgout being diagnosed.

Even when they have regular access to medicals, gp visits, family around them.

You dont seem connected to the real world, how people view you, expectations or anything.

You hold your sil up as an idol and have real issues feeling not quite good enough. Which you deal with by play acting this very imporatant person.

Being heavily pregnant doesnt have anything to do with it. You genuinely need help.

SpartacusSaiman · 05/08/2017 10:17

Oh and also there are loads of people who have mental health problems who are also intelligent and function.

Intelligence is no protection from mental health. Or do you honestly think that anyone with mental health, must be unintelligent?

Very concerning views for someone who works in HR.

mollibu · 05/08/2017 10:19

Oh lord, Phyllis is back.

Kirstsworld · 05/08/2017 10:22

Definitely a wind up... hopefully anyway.. either way this is amazing... off to search previous posts 😂😂...

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 05/08/2017 10:24

Your colleagues missed a trick, they could have had a quick whip round and bought ear plugs for your husband. If your friends have had enough as well as work colleagues goodness knows how he feels.

Unless of course he is buying into your theory about carrying the next messiah Grin

imablackstarnotapopstar · 05/08/2017 10:31

Phyllis you really need to read back your own posts. You come across as an absolute PITA! Of course your workplace colleagues didn't throw you a baby shower - you clearly treat them all like shit! Hopefully once you've had your baby you'll learn to be more empathetic and put someone else first.

SheSaidHeSaid · 05/08/2017 10:40

You dont seem connected to the real world, how people view you, expectations or anything

This is my main observation through the posts I've seen. Disconnection from the real world and reasonableness. This even extends to some of the responses to posts which at times have been unrelated to the actual questions asked.

RortyCrankle · 05/08/2017 10:53

It's quite a normal thing in my world

Is the pope catholic in your world?

Tralalalalz · 05/08/2017 11:16

Oh good grief. Why on earth do you think that anyone apart from you and your partner are particularly interested in your pregnancy? It not interesting for anyone else, honestly, it's not. I'm sure everyone wishes you a healthy child but seriously, that's as far as it goes. I've had 3 children and made it my business not to discuss my pregnancies in work unless I was asked a specific question about it because I recognised that in work I was there to do a professional job and being pregnant and making a big deal of it just wasn't that professional. I didn't talk about it much to my friends unless they were also pregnant because I recognised it just wasn't that interesting to them. You need to get over yourself and a piece of advice: when you've had the baby please don't expect your friends to be that interested or want to hear all the details about the baby and to visit or contact you all the time about the baby. They will be polite and might pop over or send a gift but it won't be that interesting to them because it's not their baby. Honestly, to expect anything else will set you up for serious disappointment

LuLuuuuuuu · 05/08/2017 11:23

You already had a Baby Shower .. Now you are dissing your former colleagues for not giving you a work one ? How fucking GREEDY

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 05/08/2017 11:27

Ah Surrey, the land of baby showers. Are you all #SurreyWankers ? No offence to normal people who live in Surrey.

LuLuuuuuuu · 05/08/2017 11:32

Certain areas of Kent go in for Baby Showers too . The Medway Towns very much so

RhubardGin · 05/08/2017 11:40

Your "DH" must have the patience of a saint!

IrenetheQuaint · 05/08/2017 11:45

"I'm a HR Business Partner so I'm pretty important."

This may now be my all-time favourite MN line.

karmacoma1 · 05/08/2017 11:51

What's wrong with a meal out?

When I went on mat leave our team went to Nando's, it was lovely 😊 I was just pleased people wanted to spend their lunch break with me on my last day.

... I paid for my own meal too.

I think your expecting a bit much, tbh.

TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 12:01

"I'm a HR Business Partner so I'm pretty important."

This may now be my all-time favourite MN line.

I'm adding it to my work email signature as we speak. Wink

BossyBitch · 05/08/2017 12:09

I'm adding it to my work email signature as we speak.

Gah! I'm so jealous, Titty. Mine doesn't sound half as good: "I'm middle management, so I'm of middling importance"? Doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it? Confused

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2017 12:09

Op, when you say everyone gets gifts at work etc. Who pays for them? Does the company or does everyone put cash in?

If the company and they went against protocol, I agree, not very fair, if it was a case of folks need to put money in, then I'd maybe think about why there was no gifts.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 05/08/2017 12:10

I live in Surrey in the UK. Amongst my friends and work colleagues, it's common place to make a big fuss.

My SIL lives in Surrey. She would absolutely hate any sort of fuss!