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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset with work colleagues?

408 replies

PhyllisNights · 04/08/2017 20:00

It was my last day in the office today. I'm now officially on maternity leave.

I'm very disappointed with what my colleagues arranged for my send off, though. They promised we would do something exciting. I was expecting a work baby shower (which would have been nice in addition to the one I got my friends to arrange), but we ended up just going to an Italian at lunch time.

I'm very upset. I won't be back at work for a year. I've been there for years and I expected something more. I didn't even get any gifts or a slice of a cake. All I got was one card shared from the office!

When work colleagues leave they get a massive send off with work lunches, gifts, cards & a night out. I'm not expecting a night out drinking given my condition, but I wanted something more.

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 05/08/2017 05:02

Aaah, classic Phyllis.

RortyCrankle · 05/08/2017 05:32

PhyllisNights
To be perfectly honest, they need me more than I need them. I could easily get a better job. Might lead them up the garden path for a year and then not return.

Do it. Ego-mania combined with over-active sense of entitlement. I bet their applause as you left would be deafening Grin.

mrsheathy85 · 05/08/2017 06:19

Can someone link ops other thread?

Lorddenning1 · 05/08/2017 07:09

How to you look at her earlier post?

msannabella · 05/08/2017 07:26

Haha. You'd hate my work. Full of older men who'd never think to give a baby shower. More likely to complain that I was getting time off they weren't. I didn't get any send off or baby shower with friends but I got something better, my lovely baby which is a thousand times better than all the gifts and send offs etc.

BhajiAllTheWay · 05/08/2017 08:05

OP..unfortunately what you expect and actually receive can be poles apart. In my workplace it's very much " if your face fits" and nothing to do with ability or longservice and it's just a part of the dynamic and politics. ConfusedDifferent folk can leave for the same reason, one gets a celebration with meals, balloons, gifts you name it. The other? one card from everyone and a voucher or mediocre chocs. Shrug it off.

ememem84 · 05/08/2017 08:25

I'm heading off on mat leave in a few weeks. I know for a fact that the dancing unicorns have already been booked for the pre leave show. Can't wait... after all I am super important.

*disclaimer: there will be no dancing ubicorns they were busy that day I will take cake in to work to share. I'm not expecting gifts. I'm sad to leave for a few months but excited about the future. A baby shower is my worst nightmare but if work do organise one it'll be gratefully received.

I am expecting a card though. We're good at cards.

AuntyElle · 05/08/2017 08:55

Here are links two other of Phyllis' threads. In the latest one she does sound vulnerable and possibly in need of help. Problem is posts like this one are going to get horrified and angry responses.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2939676-AIBU-with-my-feelings

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2907753-AIBU-with-my-friends?pg=1&order=

Original poster
PhyllisNights · 05/08/2017 09:15

I haven't got any mental health problems! I'm very sane - thank you very much. I know I have opinions that differ from the usual mumsnetter.

As for my anxiety in relation to the terrorist attacks, that's quite normal when you're pregnant and bringing a baby into the world. I feel a lot better at the moment. Thankfully, there haven't been any more recent terrorist attacks.

And I also get that baby showers seem tack to the mumsnet community. It's quite a normal thing in my world. Personally, I don't think my friends or work colleagues have made that much of a fuss over my pregnancy, but there we go - I have to swallow it up, I'm a grown woman.

Perhaps I'll look back at some of these posts in years to come with embarrassment. But currently? I think I'm being fairly reasonable.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 09:17

It's quite a normal thing in my world.

What colour is the sky in your world?

TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 09:18

Personally, I don't think my friends or work colleagues have made that much of a fuss over my pregnancy

Genuinely staggered that you would expect them to.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 05/08/2017 09:22

Are you in the US OP?

With the best will in the world, you can't expect other people to give that much of a crap about your pregnancy. Unless you're carrying the Messiah it's a really un-extraordinary event that millions of other women go through all the time

Original poster
PhyllisNights · 05/08/2017 09:24

I live in Surrey in the UK. Amongst my friends and work colleagues, it's common place to make a big fuss. I knew a girl who had three hen do's and one was for work colleagues.

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 05/08/2017 09:27

I live in Surrey in the UK. Amongst my friends and work colleagues, it's common place to make a big fuss

Oh this thread is the gift that keeps on giving. They make a fuss in Surrey don't you know!

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 05/08/2017 09:28

YABU

Devilishpyjamas · 05/08/2017 09:31

Oh dear god.

You know egos and being a mother don't generally mix all that well don't you?

ememem84 · 05/08/2017 09:32

No ones made a fuss over my pregnancy (this is not a woe is me post) except dh. But even then while we're excited I'm carrying on as normal. I'm not bringing it into every conversation. Work colleagues know about it. If they ask how I'm doing etc I'll let them know. But it's not the no1 conversation topic. People haven't treated me any differently. But then that's what I wanted.

RhubardGin · 05/08/2017 09:35

Do you wonder WHY your colleagues didn't throw you a shower or take you on a night out?

Do you wonder WHY your friends didn't want to throw you a shower in the first place or care about your pregnancy/many many many achievements?

It's because....and I say this in the nicest possible way...you're an entitled pain in the arse!

Your lack of self awareness is staggering.

I'm torn between thinking you can't possibly be for real, nobody can be THAT deluded and then scared that you do exist and live in your own bubble.

SpartacusSaiman · 05/08/2017 09:35

Ah yes. Surrey is known as the capital of 'we make a fuss of pregnant women who are going on mat leave' of the world.

Now it makes sense. Confused

Honestly op if they make a fuss of others and not you, its because you arent well liked. Usually i would feel for people in that situation. But if you act half as bad in real life, as you do here....its your own fault.

Having a cinverstation with you must br inpossible. You dont interact. Just make statements.

TeamCersei · 05/08/2017 09:47

All your threads ars obviously wind ups
The first few times was funny, now its become boring. it's not even funny anymore.

Beadieeye · 05/08/2017 09:49

Ok. All your posts are irrational and it's quite worrying to see someone continue to be deluded after all the responses you've had. You seem to still believe you are justified.
You are in need of a wake-up call. I think that wake-up call will come soon with the arrival of your baby.

TittyGolightly · 05/08/2017 09:49

I live in Surrey in the UK. Amongst my friends and work colleagues, it's common place to make a big fuss. I knew a girl who had three hen do's and one was for work colleagues.

I hadn't 3 hen dos because I don't like fuss! One night out for work colleagues, one for friends (both sexes) in my home town and a weekend away with my bridesmaid (in the UK to a spa).

laura1206 · 05/08/2017 09:56

You sound so self-entitled, it's awful. I had a card and gift when I went on mat leave and I was made up! I would've been mortified if I'd had a shower. Just be thankful you and baby are healthy. There are plenty of people worse off.

Just imagine what the poor people who have suffered in the terrorist attacks that you mention, and here you are harping on about not having a baby shower. Please get a grip and put it all in perspective.

millymae · 05/08/2017 09:56

I'm another who thinks you are being unreasonable - being pregnant is extremely special for you and your family but to everyone else it's just a normal occurrence and doesnt merit over the top recognition. If work colleagues have celebrated others going on maternity leave in a more generous way, then I think you just have to accept that for some reason they didn't want to spend a long time organising and spending excessive amounts on you. Move on and look forward to your coming .baby
You've decided to take maternity leave

Skylark678 · 05/08/2017 09:56

🙈 I'm embarrassed for you.. entitled much!