My 14 year old has just came home drunk!

[sunnnydays]

And I don't know what to do!

He told me he was going to a friend's house nearby, I know his friend group and they are fairly responsible , all the popular kids though so this might not be the first time I'm very lost on what to do, as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!!

We live in a rougher part of Glasgow so underage drinking/smoking is very normalised and I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink! To be fair, he did come home at 11pm instead of 11:30 like we agreed. (friend's house he was allegedly at lives a few doors down)

Do I wait to hear back from the other parents? Let him get on with it or give him into trouble? I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me, a few months ago DD(13) came to tell me she had smoked a few times and felt bad for not telling me (we talked about the bad side affects of smoking and she said she didn't want "manky hair or nails" so stopped!)

I've got my hard hat on, please help!

I hope you made him eat a fried breakfast this morning op 😂😂

We were asked to do surveys at school -

All based on drinking and sex !! To be cool we all ticked yes to everything - so I don't believe them anyway

My son got drunk at 14. Got admitted to A&E, I collected him. Prayed for the mother of all hangovers for the next day. Didn't get one. He's now 25, doesn't drink much after this experience. I'd rather it hadn't happened. But apart from the cost to A&E, it was a valuable lesson....

I was drinking and smoking at 14. I haven't smoked for years and drink very little.

I still turned out alright - I'm a teacher now!

I think most kids today will try booze before they're 16. 14/15 seems to be the age these days.

Hopefully he will have learnt his lesson and wont be doing it again for a while. ...they are old enough to make their own minds up at 14 and not just do it because their friends are doing whatever
Kids these days have enough education to know what damage smoking, drinking and drugs do to their body

Being in Glasgow too and hearing anecdotally from my DD about the oral sex and drug taking that went on in a local car park by her classmates aged 14, this story rings bells. Many of them routinely got drunk from alcohol supplied by their parents and the other events ensued... Luckily my DD understood when I pointed out that the legal age of 18 was in place to ensure that the liver was well enough developed to deal with the alcohol. I also told her a couple of true stories about people I had known who drank a lot as teenagers and become alcoholics and one died very young.
I complied with her request to try alcohol at home when she was about 15 and she tried a thimbleful of cider which she disliked.She was open about alcohol consumption when in the last year of school, but this was infrequent and in very limited amounts. I always said that I would rather she was at home if she were going to get drunk so that I could look after her.
However, once she went to University she did party hard but also gets her studies done as well as participating in volunteering and part time work.
It's a fine line to draw but just because the rest of the group are drinking doesn't make it acceptable- sometimes children just want you to say, 'no' so that you can be the baddie and they can slag you off to their friends, but secretly they are quite pleased!
All I can say is that I am glad I am over that phase of DD's life- the current one holds it's own, different challenges- believe me!

Hi I agree that you shouldn't appear to approve as you are his parent not his BFF. He's not allowed to drink at 14, however loads, probably most do try it. Whilst you can try to convince him that getting drunk isn't a great idea, keeping it low key is best, so he doesn't hide what he's doing from you in future. I know of kids who's parents give them alcopops at 10 as a weekend treat and we live in leafy Buckinghamshire!! I drank regularly at 14 but my mum didn't know the half of it. Make it clear why it's illegal but maybe tell him he can have a drink with a meal occasionally while home under your watch. It'll soon become boring then!!

Both mine did/do it at a young age. I would urge you to somehow nip it in the bud. Both mine older now. But still find a binge drink is acceptable, even though one is seemingly allergic to alcohol. Nothing gets through, docs warnings etc.

I had strict parents but was an 'old' child.
I started drinking at 13 and I had my first tattoo aged 14.
The further my parents tried to discipline me, the worse I acted out. My Dad even took a slipper to me a couple of times but I just didn't care.
What I'm trying to point out is, the more you try to severely discipline your child, the more you push them to drink, drugs, etc.
If you're understanding, talk it through, discuss boundaries and limits however, then I personally think you're more likely to have them onside.
What you don't want to happen is to scream, shout, discipline - for them to go out and do it anyway and lie.
Which again, is what I did and my parents attempting to discipline me was just a huge joke. I did what I wanted, when I wanted.

Now I'm 28, never drink and haven't for years, and have a pretty successful career (although I'm on Maternity with twins).

Something you 'older' mums seem to forget is, kids these days are more aware due to social media.
They know full well that nothing will happen if they're caught drinking, be it by their parents or police. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. It isn't going to affect anything later in their life and they know that, hence them being so much harder to discipline.

I recall DS coming in from a friends at about 14/15, nonchalantly leaning on the fireplace, missing and landing on his arse. DH and I were in bits. He was trying so very hard to act sober.

He never really did it again. He's 24 now and his drinking is very much a social pint with mates. DH and I drink very rarely, but we always made clear to both DS and DD that a drink in the home is acceptable in moderation and never had issue with them having the odd can from that age. DD doesn't actually drink at all now and she's coming up for 20.

Don't panic. This is normal. That was about the age at which a bunch of us went to the pub after a school Christmas concert and had a few too many. We went round to the music teacher's house and sang raucous carols. The dear man took us inside, gave us coffee and drove each one of us home. He could have decided to get us expelled. In the words of Elsa...

I saw something on facebook the other day where a Dad had given his kids a code word they could text him is he ever felt uncomfortable/pressured to do something he didn't want to. He would then phone them telling them there had been a family emergency and he needed to pick them up at once. Just wondering with him coming home early if he had got uncomfortable with what was going on.

as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!

TWELVE?! Sorry, I hate to be judgey but WTF. How were you out by yourself getting drunk at the age of 12?!
Where were your parents at that age? Or anyone else's parents for that matter?

I saw something on facebook the other day where a Dad had given his kids a code word they could text him is he ever felt uncomfortable/pressured to do something he didn't want to
That's a good idea, may do that with my 13 year old.

You sound smug and amused by this.
No way is this funny.

I'm glad your hard hat is on OP. You've had some very judgy replies. Shit does happen but we scoop it up and try to make things better. We at least are doing the scooping not letting others find the shit later. Your Ds will be fine because he has a Dm who notices and cares.

What the fuck was he doing walking home by himself in a rough area at 11pm?

Bloody hell.

Your Ds will be fine because he has a Dm who notices and cares.

Nothing wrong with noticing and caring. That's to be expected.

• Not wanting to "grass" on anyone is weird though (what, are you 14 yourself or an adult? I'd want to know if my 14 year old was out pissed somewhere!)

• "friends mum finding it funny and so am I TBH!"

• WTF is there to find funny?! Again. How old are you OP? I wouldn't go off on him if he turned up drunk but again I wouldn't be making him think it was OK as I was finding it hilaire.

hilaire?

hilaire?

That's all you picked up in the entire post?
Hilaire. Hilarious.

Hudson10 if you have read the entire thread I think you will find I posted quite early on. Thank you for explaining Hilaire I was thinking about Hilaire Belloc and the poem 'Matilda told such dreadful lies*

He was walking home in a rough area because I believed he was at his friend's house, a few doors down. He was actually in a park, ten minutes away, but came home early as one of his friends didn't want to walk home alone. The majority of his friends live no more than fifteen minutes away, I usually pick him up if he has to walk a distance at night.

We actually do the word thing, started it with them when they were 8&9, for sleepovers then in regards to parties, being out at night etc.

I apologise for saying I didn't want to grass, extremely immature, if it happens to my Dd or again to my Ds I will tell the parents immediately, and I hope they'd do the same.

Me again Op. As I said at the start you need a united front with the other parents. If the Dcs know you talk to each other and agree on the boundaries they will find it more difficult to step over the mark.

@elephantoverthehill We have agreed on the same rules, no drinking during term time/out in the streets/to let us know if they plan on drinking at sleepovers rather than doing it secretly and being in danger etc. His friend group is rather big, luckily all parents are being firm but fair!