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Original poster

My 14 year old has just came home drunk!

183 replies

sunnnydays · 03/08/2017 23:33

And I don't know what to do!

He told me he was going to a friend's house nearby, I know his friend group and they are fairly responsible , all the popular kids though so this might not be the first time Hmm I'm very lost on what to do, as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!!

We live in a rougher part of Glasgow so underage drinking/smoking is very normalised and I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink! To be fair, he did come home at 11pm instead of 11:30 like we agreed. (friend's house he was allegedly at lives a few doors down)

Do I wait to hear back from the other parents? Let him get on with it or give him into trouble? I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me, a few months ago DD(13) came to tell me she had smoked a few times and felt bad for not telling me (we talked about the bad side affects of smoking and she said she didn't want "manky hair or nails" so stopped!)

I've got my hard hat on, please help! Confused

OP posts:
SnickersWasAHorse · 03/08/2017 23:58

Are you sure it's just drink?

GreenTulips · 03/08/2017 23:58

DD did similar recently - the hangover is punishment enough - along with embarrassing tales from their friends - sometimes natural consequences are the way forward

ThoseFemalesAreStrongAsHell · 03/08/2017 23:59

When I was 14 i got really really drunk. It put me off drinking for a long time.

My mum was angry, of course but she said the worst punishment was my hangover and embarrasement from the night before which was true.

Id be like that, i think. It is a learning curve as a PP said.

pieceofpurplesky · 04/08/2017 00:00

Are you sure it's drink? Just thought I would add that.
My DS (13) was at a party the other day and the parents supplied beer, alcopops and prosecco for the kids ... they were Year 8 12/13. DS didn't join in

crunched · 04/08/2017 00:04

Sorry perper but I did do it, and I have turned out ok ... and so did/have most of my peer group.
I worried about my DD1 who had never really had more than a glass of fizz by the time she went to uni. I think what sunnydays DS has done is pretty typical at 14-though not ideal- and coming home to a supportive parent is a valuable experience.

AlpacaLypse · 04/08/2017 00:10

Actually DO record him being an utter berk and get him to watch it.

We can't stop them having the odd drink,round here it starts about year 11 (age 15/16) but we can pointedly remind them that they are making complete twits of themselves if they get crazy stupid drunk.

Sharl2017 · 04/08/2017 00:11

I'm a little surprised by everyone's reaction that he shouldn't be drinking.. they're right he shouldnt but he has. I completely get where you're coming from op & possibly have a discussion with him after his hangover has worn off and set some new ground rules. I.e. don't come home falling around all over, don't get drunk every night of the week.. etc. etc

My parents encouraged me to drink from probably age 14 and as a result I barely ever drink now and never used to get properly drunk until i was 17. If they had set it in stone not to ever underage drink and never come home drunk.. well as most kids I probably would have rebelled. Having a parents trust is very underestimated nowadays.

SeaToSki · 04/08/2017 00:12

I would definitely video him being silly now, and then show him tomorrow. The sheer embarrasement of the possibility of behaving like that in front of his mates might get him to limit himself to fewer drinks... learning to drink responsibly is what Im hoping for with my teens when they start experimenting with alcohol

emmasfabulous · 04/08/2017 00:12

Def yes to filming him now so he can see what he was like tomorrow, the embarrassment might help

perper · 04/08/2017 00:20

Crunched I'm glad to hear that you all turned out ok- but the sad reality is that that's not always the case.

Underage drinking is one of the most reliable predictors of future drug/alcohol abuse, it can seriously impair brain development (and we don't understand it enough to say how much is too much for young developing brains- no one is going to test that!), and as a teacher I see the harmful effects and the downward spirals that many (as you point out, not all, but many) teenagers undergo as they begin drinking. Perhaps it's correlation not causation- but it's still not something I find easy to laugh off.

Anyway, sorry for slightly derailing!

perper · 04/08/2017 00:21

(Just in case it's not clear, I am referring to getting drunk, not having the odd sip of wine at family occasions etc!)

StillMedusa · 04/08/2017 00:23

Where I live (Oxfordshire and generally a fairly affluent and educated patch) 14 is about the norm for first time drunks.
No it's not ideal, no it's not legal...but it happens and I suspect those hitching up their judgy pants haven't been through it YET.
3/4 of mine went through it at about that age. None became raging alcoholics . They did put themselves at risk. They DID get grounded for varying lengths of time depending on the depth of their stupidity.

But anyone who thinks their perfect child isn't going to try it out before they are 18... is very likely less aware of their child than they think!

Op... big glass of water and he'll probably be fine in the morning. Annoyingly they don't seem to get hangovers at that age!

perper · 04/08/2017 00:30

StillMedusa Really hope you don't think I'm one of those with 'judgy pants' - I'm not judging at all, just expressing my own internal dismay as a teacher that teenage drinking is so common and normalised. It is a wide-ranging and complex problem and not the fault of individuals.

For what it's worth though, plenty of teenagers actually do wait they're 17/18 to start drinking. I think some people might be surprised at how common that is!

Batoutahell · 04/08/2017 00:30

My posts were not judgey about the drinking. I am judgey about the parents reaction. 14yr olds will drink. Mine may well do. But you can be bloody sure I won't find it funny or be afraid of 'making them an outcast by not letting them drink' or 'grassing on their friends'.

Parents jobs are to make proper boundaries. The 14yr old job is to push or break those boundaries and then suffer the consequences (not just a 'poor you hangover').

I can tell you which of the kids in school had parents who reacted like the OP. And which parents had much stricter and fiercer parents about drinking. The first group definitely drank more and more often and thought drunken escapades were hilarious. The second group, not so much.

MrsOverTheRoad · 04/08/2017 00:32

I'd be really sad if that was my child. I have a 13 year old and she and her friends are nowhere NEAR that yet.

They visit one another's houses when parents are home...they don't go hanging around town for days either so no opportunity.

perper · 04/08/2017 00:34

Batoutofhell I think you're probably right there. Sometimes being too much of a cool friend to children can be an unhelpful course of action. I suspect the OP intends to have some serious words, but I also suspect too many parents laugh it off as just part of growing up

Winotimo · 04/08/2017 00:41

You might of been asking for some crappy replies on here.
I was a terrible teen and used to do all sorts at 14 (ended in a pregnancy with older man at 18) not advisable but my parents used to go mad and it only pushed me further away and made me worse. I think it's the summer holidays, kids experiment. Hopefully he's so rough tomorrow he won't do it again.
Find him hilarious if you want to - but don't let him know tomorrow that you found it funny. Try and suss out where he's getting his alcohol, who he's hanging around with and where, if there is drugs going on. He obviously thinks he's grown now ( as I think we all did at 14 ) don't belittle him as he will start to push you. You need to guide him into making decisions about good and bad groups of people and making the right choices for him. X

Original poster
sunnnydays · 04/08/2017 00:43

He's asleep! Managed to get some carbs and water into him (and a video of him crying cause he dropped a chip on the floor, going to show him that in the morning!) All the parents have made a whatsapp chat, we have agreed that as soon as one of us knows that our dc plan on drinking we have to inform the group! Also enforcing a "if you drink, you have to tell us and try to keep it in the house/garden" But we won't be buying the alcohol!

Definitely just alcohol, some of the kids smelled strongly of alcohol, but nobody had dilated pupils/bloodshot eyes etc.

Plan on having a chat about safe drinking when ds wakes up, going to thank him for coming home early and not trying to hide it but also letting him know I'm not happy with it! If he ever gets blackout drunk I will obviously be more strict and I'm going to make sure he(and DD!) know that.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunnnydays · 04/08/2017 00:49

Definitely not going to let him know I found it funny, nor am I going to laugh it off! I think they're getting alcohol via "jump-ins" (paying an adult -usually a ned- to buy them alcohol) I don't think there is drugs going on, will ask the other parents if they suspect anything, and of course ds!

If there is drugs that is obviously way more serious- though school always do an assembly when they go back to school about drugs/drinking, it scared him last year!

Dd is still awake- might knock on her door and have a chat about underage drinking.

OP posts:
inkzooka · 04/08/2017 00:50

I'm pretty sure my parents were desperate for me to drink, at 16 my dad would buy me alcohol for parties and such but I hated it so much and I've been teetotal since 18 Grin

LondonLassInTheCountry · 04/08/2017 00:50

If you and the other parent are finding it funny. Theres not much else to say

BoysofMelody · 04/08/2017 00:54

Seems pretty normal teen behaviour to me. No serious harm done.

ShastaBeast · 04/08/2017 00:55

I remember being that 14 year old. My parents were pretty chilled about it. I did drink at uni and beyond but barely drink now. Hopefully it will be a lesson. Take him out tomorrow, I got dragged out car shopping the day after. Ive struggled to drink vodka ever since.

MummySparkle · 04/08/2017 01:04

Wish my mum had been like you! I do think there is something to be said for allowing kids freedom to experiment in a safe and controlled manner. Sounds much better than the weekly unsupervised house parties I went to at 15/16. Some of the things that happened there were really not good.

For those of you scorning OP for finding her DS's behaviour funny. Surely your DCs have done something naughty and you've had to turn away to hide your laughter and compose yourself before telling them off? It's a near daily occorunce here! I'm pretty sure OP doesn't find it funnny that her DS has been out drinking. However he is in that silly tipsy drunk stage where he is just making a twat of himself. Everyone does hilarious things when drunk, regardless of their age / the legality of the drinking. Far better for OP to let him relax before sleeping than to end up having a shouting match and risk her DS doing something even more stupid.

BoysofMelody · 04/08/2017 01:23

Wish my mum had been like you! I do think there is something to be said for allowing kids freedom to experiment in a safe and controlled manner.

Exactly, experimenting and pushing boundaries is an important part of being a teenager, I'd be more worried if they had no interest in pushing boundaries (within limits) at that age. Any teenager worth their salt will be up to something they shouldn't be.

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