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Original poster

My 14 year old has just came home drunk!

183 replies

sunnnydays · 03/08/2017 23:33

And I don't know what to do!

He told me he was going to a friend's house nearby, I know his friend group and they are fairly responsible , all the popular kids though so this might not be the first time Hmm I'm very lost on what to do, as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!!

We live in a rougher part of Glasgow so underage drinking/smoking is very normalised and I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink! To be fair, he did come home at 11pm instead of 11:30 like we agreed. (friend's house he was allegedly at lives a few doors down)

Do I wait to hear back from the other parents? Let him get on with it or give him into trouble? I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me, a few months ago DD(13) came to tell me she had smoked a few times and felt bad for not telling me (we talked about the bad side affects of smoking and she said she didn't want "manky hair or nails" so stopped!)

I've got my hard hat on, please help! Confused

OP posts:
Theycalledmethewildrose · 04/08/2017 01:33

Fourteen is very young to be drunk. If its the normal thing where you live, and you are happy with it, fair enough. Worried about 'grassing up' his friends is imo an odd thing to say. Parents are depending on other parents to look out for their children's friends surely.

I don't understand why you are going to tell him that he can drink but not every night and you won't buy it for him. It is a very mixed message. You are condoning drinking but where do you think he will get it because he will get it but it seems you don't want to even know yourself.

Supervising him on an occasional night where drink is involved, where you can see what and how much he is drinking and that he is safe, is a good idea, if you think that it isn't really a problem. Stopping it completely during term time is also a good idea. You need to lay the ground rules and boundaries and be his parent more than be his friend.

Igletpiglet · 04/08/2017 01:45

Watching with interest as I was very off the rails as a teenager and didn't live with my parents. My eldest is only 6. Am dreading this scenario.
I think I would struggle with the line between letting him know how disappointed you are and how vulnerable he makes himself, and losing his honesty to you. I'd love to totally go with ?scribbler in theory but would need to speak to him later in seriousness.

Creampastry · 04/08/2017 05:40

Wake him up early so he feels the hangover!!

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 04/08/2017 05:48

I think it's part of growing up in Scotland, I was 14 when I came gone drunk as well... my Dad made me suffer with a horrible greasy fried Iceland freezer burger and rank greasy chips with baked beans spread all over the whole thing Envy

I live in England and the drinking culture is so different here than Scotland, drum into him safe drinking, and also alcohol limits, and as much as I hate to say it, safe sex!

kateandme · 04/08/2017 06:14

i do think 14 is a bit young.sorry :/ but obviously it must happen.
id still want to give him the riot act.im sorry cant help thinking it is too young to be drunk to the point he is.
but I wouldn't from experience bother tonight.let him no you aren't happy(if you aren't) but look after him. he wont no what hes doing no so might say or argue into things if you go into a discussion now.
get him to bed safe.bucket.recovery position. loo roll and water by the bed.if he can drink a whole glass now.
then tell him what your feeling are in the morning when he gets up.
nothing productive can happen when you argue with a drunk person
how do you feel.do you feel this is an ok age.if so then just remind him of the dangers.of safety etc.what to do in emergency.how to sleep on his side.look out for frineds blah blah
if your angry.be so.but calmly if that makes sense haha.

TipTopTipTopClop · 04/08/2017 06:22

Good grief woman, stop worrying about him fitting in with the cool kids and do some parenting.

Did you start this thread because you're worried, or because you find it funny?

TipTopTipTopClop · 04/08/2017 06:23

And 11.30 is a ridiculously late curfew for a 14 year old.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2017 06:24

I'm not looking forward to these experimenting teenage years. My brother and I were both left to get drunk and left to our own devices. Apart from when brother was 13 and he and his friends got really drunk and his friend vomited on himself while sleeping on his back and my brother had to look after him as he was at risk of swallowing his own vomit. Nothing was said by my friends parents when I drank a whole load of Bacardi and promptly vomited all over the carpet. Friend and I cleared it up as best we could. I was 14 and staying at her house. Her 17 yo brother came downstairs (I was on a sofa bed) and put my hands down his boxer shorts for a grope - nothing more thankfully. I did nothing being pretty pissed. By 16 I was down the pub every Friday and Saturday night and my mother picked me up at 11ish and I tried my best not to look drunk despite having systematically drunk 5 pints of bitter plus sharing a 2l bottle of bitter on the way to the pub. At 5'7", I weighed 7.5 stone to put it into context and my body was so used to the alcohol.

I don't want this cycle repeated with my dd. Especially as she has a medical condition, which causes her heart to stop beating.

I will be handling the situation very differently. I'm not sure quite how now. All I can say is talk lots to your ds about this without shaming him. My parents never talked to me about anything. They knew nothing about me. My dad died when I had just turned 16, a few days before I sat my 'O' levels and my mother was totally out of her depth.

13Bastards · 04/08/2017 06:27

Is he allowed to drink at home OP?

We allow the DC to have a fruity cider or a beer with dinner at a weekend or if we are at a BBQ. I know it's taken some of the mystery and thrill of alcohol away for them and so far (touch wood) we haven't had any drunken arrivals home. And they are learning their limits in a safe environment.

Drinking with friends at 14 is quite usual round here, I think lessons in tolerance levels and the consequences of getting ourself in a state would do far more good than reading the riot act here IMO.

dowhatyouwish · 04/08/2017 06:30

Wow. Your 14 year old is drunk and you seem incredibly relaxed as though it's quite normal because all his friends do it. I'm sure there's a reason it's against the law for kids not to drink and especially getting drunk. He could be on a road to being a midday week binge drinking. I'd advise you to behave like a patent and not baby him about this criminal situation.

DdraigGochMwnci · 04/08/2017 06:31

This reply has been deleted

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SoupDragon · 04/08/2017 06:49

I have taken a practical view to alcohol and teens. The truth is that you can't stop them unless you plan on locking them up until they are 18 so you are better off teaching them how to be responsible and sensible about it.

DS1 didn't drink until he started 6th form (I know this because that was when he started going out!). DS2 tried it in 5th form and I know this because he told me that vodka was disgusting. TBH, I feel pleased that I appear to have managed to raise two teens who will tell me stuff (probably more by luck than design :)). Banning them from drinking would have just made them not tell me and would mean that they would not call me if they needed help.

They know that I will always come and get them if they need me too and that I will always come and help them or their friends if they need it.

Veterinari · 04/08/2017 06:50

Well done OP -it sounds like a pretty sensible response.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2017 06:52

I'm sure there's a reason it's against the law for kids not to drink

I suspect you meant it's against the law for children to drink. :) it isn't though, it's not as straightforward as that.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2017 06:54

from Drink Aware:

It is not illegal:
For someone over 18 to buy a child over 16 beer, wine or cider if they are eating a table meal together in licensed premises.
For a child aged five to 16 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises.

Blanketdog · 04/08/2017 07:08

Not sure what else the OP can do other than have a chat about the dangers of being drunk. Grounding kids is stupid, it creates bad feeling and does not prevent repeat behaviours. Making sure your ds knows to experiment in a safe place i.e. not the local park, and ensuring that he can always tell you anything and ask for your help, will hopefully mitigate some of those risks. I have 2 fourteen year olds - they haven't got drunk yet - as far as I know - but I don't plan on going ape shit if and when it happens!

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 04/08/2017 07:09

I'm sure there's a reason it's against the law for kids not to drink

What law? There is no law, unless the child is under 5, over 5 they can drink stupid however it is illegal to buy alcohol under 18, however not if the alcohol is for a child in there own home.

Not so straight forward!

feathermucker · 04/08/2017 07:17

I'm with you OP. Be sure to make lots of noise nice and early Wink

Believeitornot · 04/08/2017 07:20

I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink!

Sorry but you have a skewed sense of priorities.

Drinking to destruction is a horrible thing, regardless of age. And I find it Hmm at it being normalised.

I don't care if I sound uptight or prissy.

When we were younger, me and my brother lived in a rough as fuck part of town. Luckily, and I truly mean this, we got taken into care and moved out of there. Otherwise I'd have been pregnant at 15 or left school with not a chance in the world but that would have been fine because it was the norm.

Have some ambitions for your child!!!

Blondefancy · 04/08/2017 07:22

(Not that I'm proud of it) but myself and everyone I know started drinking when we were 14. Am now 21. If starting drinking early has taught me anything, it's that I'm less interested now that I can actually buy alcohol 😂 I'm not implying that your son is going to turn this into a habit! He's probably just experimenting!
...and no I have not turned into a hopeless wreck who sits at home drinking and smoking all day 😛. I still studied and am currently in university (along with most of the people who joined me throughout my wild teenage years!) 😵

Kannet · 04/08/2017 07:25

I would have him up at 7am with a list of jobs to do. Don't make his hangover easy.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 04/08/2017 07:36

Nice idea in theory Kannet, but all that did for me as a teen was make sure I didn't come home at all. Caused my poor parents a world of stress but it was was easier to stay where I was and sleep there than come home and have a hard time.

sandgrown · 04/08/2017 07:42

When I was 14 (looked older)I had a sort of boyfriend who was 16. He took me in the local pub. There was a police raid for underage drinkers as there often used to be in the 1970s. I was petrified as the police used to take you home and give your parents a lecture. My luck must have been in as the police did not notice us but it put me off pubs for a long time!

5BlueHydrangea · 04/08/2017 07:55

Start hoovering outside his room...

HerOtherHalf · 04/08/2017 08:03

Underage drinking shouldn't happen, but it does. The single most important thing for parents of teens generally is to keep communication open through these difficult years. If you go too heavy on them when they push the boundaries you risk shutting down that communication. Once he's sober, talk to him. Use a little bit of humour to lighten the mood but make sure you talk to him about the potential dangers. Drunks have accidents, get into fights, can suffer serious and sometimes fatal health consequences etc etc. Explain to him that being cool isn't about following the crowd, being cool is choosing your own path regardless of what your peers are doing.

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