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Original poster

My 14 year old has just came home drunk!

183 replies

sunnnydays · 03/08/2017 23:33

And I don't know what to do!

He told me he was going to a friend's house nearby, I know his friend group and they are fairly responsible , all the popular kids though so this might not be the first time Hmm I'm very lost on what to do, as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!!

We live in a rougher part of Glasgow so underage drinking/smoking is very normalised and I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink! To be fair, he did come home at 11pm instead of 11:30 like we agreed. (friend's house he was allegedly at lives a few doors down)

Do I wait to hear back from the other parents? Let him get on with it or give him into trouble? I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me, a few months ago DD(13) came to tell me she had smoked a few times and felt bad for not telling me (we talked about the bad side affects of smoking and she said she didn't want "manky hair or nails" so stopped!)

I've got my hard hat on, please help! Confused

OP posts:
Caprianna · 04/08/2017 08:03

14 is too young to come home drunk. I would be mortified and worried and not find it funny at all. Agree with poster who mentioned how a childs body cope with alcohol vs an adult body.

Sunshinegirls · 04/08/2017 08:04

OP. I think you have handled it really well! I hope he learns a lesson and doesn't drink again till he's older. I also hope you have some irn bru for him waking up!

Baalam · 04/08/2017 08:11

If he's relaxed enough around his friends and parents to get that pissed then drugs will certainly be on the scene if not now then soon. Any parent who thinks that's not the case needs a wake up call. Alcohol and drugs go hand in hand these days.

Mammylamb · 04/08/2017 08:12

I'm from a rougher bit of Glasgow and at 14 most of us weren't allowed to drink (not saying that we didn't). When my brother was drunk at that age my mum made sure he slept on his side so as not to choke and put a bucket beside his bed.

Nikephorus · 04/08/2017 08:13

She's finding the whole thing funny and tbh so am I!
Confused There's a big difference being the sort of parent that a child can talk to and one that thinks that their 14 y.o. coming home drunk is funny. Reminds me of the mother of a school friend of mine - took the same attitude. As a result my friend turned up at school drunk several times, was a heavy smoker, quit at 16 with crap results and then didn't even try to get a job. Her 14 y.o. sister got pregnant by her (sister's)19 y.o. boyfriend. God knows what happened to the youngest daughter. Great parenting.

TipTopTipTopClop · 04/08/2017 08:18

Nice idea in theory Kannet, but all that did for me as a teen was make sure I didn't come home at all. Caused my poor parents a world of stress but it was was easier to stay where I was and sleep there than come home and have a hard time.

Pretty anaemic parenting if you ask me. "Let's not be too hard on the boy or he'll stop coming home!"

He's 14. He shouldn't have the option to not come home, now or in the near future.

araiwa · 04/08/2017 08:34

He probably only drank 2 cans of beer. Doesnt take much to get drunk the first time

Mistigri · 04/08/2017 08:39

Totally agree with herotherhalf above. Keeping communication open is vital.

Be wary of normalising young teens getting drunk, though. Binge drinking from a young age is why more and more relatively young people are developing diseases associated with chronic alcoholism.

My DS is 14 and has been to a couple of all-night parties this summer, where I know that there was alcohol (bit surprised as one of the parents concerned works for the emergency services). They need to learn how to behave sensibly around alcohol.

My kids have had it drummed into them that two of the top three most dangerous (to health/society) drugs are tobacco and alcohol, but it's an easier message to convey when there is a family history: one of their uncles died before he was 40 of alcohol related illness.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/08/2017 08:57

I'm surprised so many are so lax re underage drinking and smoking, mine would be in serious trouble for either. Although at 14 there's no way they would have a curfew of 11pm.

As parents we are supposed to teach them what's right and wrong, what's illegal and to not give in to peer pressure.

RiversrunWoodville · 04/08/2017 09:00

My mum and dad were very strict and I didn't tell them anything I was doing or where I was going (always watching to at a friend or something similar) but my bfs mum was like you op and allowed us to drink if she knew where we were and what we were drinking and as we got older bfs dad would take us to and from where we were going if we went out somewhere. As a result she knew exactly where we were and who with, I could tell her anything and did (actually still do thanks to FB and still seeing her occasionally through bfs kids) and often we went to the local pub with her mum and dad just sat at different tables. Her dd has a great relationship with her mum and so do I and we were always safe (and yes we had fun but still a controlled environment and all our other friends just were glad to be "allowed" to drink nobody abused it)

SoupDragon · 04/08/2017 09:05

There's a big difference being the sort of parent that a child can talk to and one that thinks that their 14 y.o. coming home drunk is funny.

And there is a huge difference between the sort of parent who thinks a slightly drunk 14 year old is funny and one who lets their child go to school drunk etc.

SoupDragon · 04/08/2017 09:06

I'm surprised so many are so lax re underage drinking

I would say that no one is lax about underage drinking given the legal age for drinking on private premises is 5

anditwasalladream · 04/08/2017 09:08

I started drinking at 14, I wouldn't find it funny if my children did the same. Looking back now I got myself into some situations that could have been potentially dangerous, crossing roads while drunk for example.
I had friends that were allowed to drink, smoke and stay out late and at that age I wished my parents were the same but if they had have been I'd probably have pushed the boundaries further and got into more trouble. Although my parents were shouty and this did shut down the communication between us. I never felt able to talk to them.
I'd be firm, let him know he could end up in some dangerous situations and that you are not happy with the situation at all.
What are his friends like? I also think 11:30 is a bit late to be coming home.

Baalam · 04/08/2017 09:09

How did he get home?

Baalam · 04/08/2017 09:09

How did he get home?

Baalam · 04/08/2017 09:11

Ok just seen he walked. At 11,in a rough part of Glasgow. Pissed enough to cry when he dropped a chip. Are you not bothered?

Baalam · 04/08/2017 09:11

Ok just seen he walked. At 11,in a rough part of Glasgow. Pissed enough to cry when he dropped a chip. Are you not bothered?

ireallydontlikefootball · 04/08/2017 09:17

My dsd got drunk recently at age 13 whilst under her dads care (it was a difficult time as dh's family were going through a loss and no one was watching her). He apologised to his ex the next day and she said it was fine as she does it all the time at home. Dsd didn't even have a hangover the next day. Now that's worrying!

13Bastards · 04/08/2017 09:18

How on earth does allowing a 14 year old to drink show a lack of ambition for them?

I was allowed to drink from 12 at home, looked to learn my limits and my parents spoke to me reasonably about alcohol. I fail to see how that equates to my parents having a lack of ambition for me! Despite this dreadful upbringing I have managed to be academically successful and have a good career, my own house and family- if I diddnt have a glass of wine with Sunday dinner at 15 would I be a CEO?

museumum · 04/08/2017 09:25

All those relying on the hangover teaching by them a lesson - I never had even the hint of a hangover till I was around 21!
I drank at the first time around 14, but didn't drink regularly till about 17.

BoysofMelody · 04/08/2017 09:35

Reminds me of the mother of a school friend of mine - took the same attitude. As a result my friend turned up at school drunk several times, was a heavy smoker, quit at 16 with crap results and then didn't even try to get a job. Her 14 y.o. sister got pregnant by her (sister's)19 y.o. boyfriend. God knows what happened to the youngest daughter. Great parenting

My parents were similarly relaxed about underage drinking. I got drunk at roughly the same age as the op's son, as did most of my friends. None of us came to harm beyond headaches and the odd bout of vomiting.

I am a university lecturer and of my friends, two are teachers, one is a Matron, one is an IT consultant, one is a chartered engineer, another is a manager in the NHS and another has set up a successful business. We all went to university at a time and in a place where it wasn't the norm. None of us have turned into problem drinkers or feckless spouses or parents.

So we could trade anecdotes and morality tales about he long term consequences of underage drinking all day.

YouTheCat · 04/08/2017 09:35

Dd was about 15/16 when she started drinking with her friends. It didn't bother me. She occasionally got a bit too drunk. By 17/18 she really wasn't bothered about having a drink often and now, at 22, she very rarely drinks.

I was incredibly laid back about the drinking and put much more emphasis on staying safe. Her and her friends have always looked out for each other in that respect.

ilovesooty · 04/08/2017 09:35

I'm wondering if the OP would have been more concerned if it had been a girl of the same age. Her son was seemingly very vulnerable on the streets walking home and that would have worried me.

PoppyPopcorn · 04/08/2017 09:39

I don't want his friends to make fun of him

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. 14 year olds shouldn't be getting pissed and the fact you think it's normal and a bit of a laugh shows how deeply entrenched the drinking culture is in the West of Scotland and why more people in Scotland have drink problems than elsewhere in the UK. We're in the west of Scotland too and it's most definitely NOT normal around here to see 14 year olds drunk. 16 and 17 year olds sometimes, but not "normal".

I think you need to have a serious think about your own attitudes to teenage drinking to the stage of being drunk as they are very skewed.

GreenTulips · 04/08/2017 09:42

I'm surprised so many are so lax re underage drinking

OP is talking about a one off incident - not a child who regularly turns up three sheets to the wind!!

Kids try stuff - all their mates try stuff

DD did similar a few weeks ago - one was extremely sick - they were hungover - both said never again -

What's the point of being angry? They learnt a lesson -

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