My 14 year old has just came home drunk!

[sunnnydays]

And I don't know what to do!

He told me he was going to a friend's house nearby, I know his friend group and they are fairly responsible , all the popular kids though so this might not be the first time I'm very lost on what to do, as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!!

We live in a rougher part of Glasgow so underage drinking/smoking is very normalised and I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink! To be fair, he did come home at 11pm instead of 11:30 like we agreed. (friend's house he was allegedly at lives a few doors down)

Do I wait to hear back from the other parents? Let him get on with it or give him into trouble? I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me, a few months ago DD(13) came to tell me she had smoked a few times and felt bad for not telling me (we talked about the bad side affects of smoking and she said she didn't want "manky hair or nails" so stopped!)

I've got my hard hat on, please help!

I think telling stories about seeing one of their friends getting alcohol poisoning is all a bit 'non parenting' tbh.

There might be a very different approach and attitude if some of the parents on here had one of their own fourteen year olds carted off in an ambulance due to alcohol poisoning.

Last summer a 13 year old was indeed cates off in an abilqnce having tried to gain access to a nightclub - was sick as a dog in the street -

Nice families and nice kids drink the same as council estate kids - don't fool yourselves otherwise

Mu daughter is a similar age and goes to one of the good schools in the 'posh' areas. Last week there was a birthday party and there was drink and there was drinking. Its not just something that happens in deprived areas.

Its not a Scottish 'thing' either, how ridiculous. Im from london and got drunk for the first time when i was about 14 too.

OP just want to say that I completely agree with how you handled it. I would do exactly the same.

Punishing them for it will only result in them lying about it in future. Disappointment is the best option, but also knowing that if he insists on drinking it must be in safe places (your home or his friends). I'd much rather allow my DS to drink at home, than him hiding the fact he's drinking and doing so in the middle of the field. My mum was an extremely strict parent, and I lied to her about every aspect of my life. I would rather have slept on a park bench, than return home drunk.

Sorry, imho it's not normal for 14yo to get drunk or 13yo to smoke. I have a 13yo ds and I would be absolutely mortified if I found out he was smoking.
I won't deny that he has had the odd sip of a drink (with and without my permission) but has never been drunk or smoked.
I think my 15yo has done less - doesn't really like drink and certainly not smoked. A lot of her peers do though.
If either came home drunk I'd make sure they were OK and have a grown up discussion the next morning. 13 is bloody young though, for anything like this.,

I think it's part of growing up in Scotland, I was 14 when I came gone drunk as well...

Sorry I totally disagree @HaudYerWheeshtBawbag (great name btw) . I also grew up in Glasgow and it definitely wasn't the norm at 14 when I was that age. Though I may be loads older than you as that was the early 80s so things may very well have changed. I live in a very 'naice' part of Hertfordshire now but unfortunately have seen it quite a lot here.

DSis did this, she hardly drink at all now.

I know this is a bit out of date but it seems that underage drinking is an issue in Scotland.

www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/booze-binge-shock-half-scots-4848106

I went home drunk at 16 (not the first time drunk, the first time my parents knew about it!), DM was screaming and shouting but my DFs calm manner, talking to me, got through to me more.

I have let my DCs drink on occasion (can of lager/alcopop at parties) from around 14 and agree that it helps encourage a sensible attitude to drinking. They will do it anyway and I would rather they felt they could be honest about what they were drinking. DS gets pretty drunk when he goes out now but DD only ever has a couple if any.

HaudYerWheesht

I'm Scottish and my DC grew up in Scotland

It absolutely is NOT part of growing up here! I didn't touch one drop of alcohol til I was 18, I never got drunk and now at 50 I'v been teetotal since I was 18, I just don't see what the attraction is

My DDs barely touch it either, they certainly weren't drinking at 14, I'd have been shocked, horrified and wondering where I'd gone wrong as a parent if they were. None of their friends were drinking at that age either.

Not every teenager drinks alcohol

But zukiecat your own experience is simply that, are you saying that the sample of your family is more vaild than research by the Scottish government?

Maybe save them the effort next time and just let them know what your dds do.

www.gov.scot/Publications/2003/02/16298/17683

Bairnsmum - I agree. My experience is it is just as bad in the naice parts of Glasgow. Often worse as the better off kids have more ready cash. we are in a naice suburb and it is common for the kids to get a "20 bag" ie a bag of weed which costs £20 at the school gates in the morning. My older DS didn't drink until he was 18 but DD has since about 15 (now 17) - but she's never been drunk - mainly just poses with it. Her friends come round to get ready for a party and they take selfies with a "70 cl" (bottle of vodka) but after they leave, I go into her room and hardly a drop has been drank. She always asks for a smirnoff ice on holiday, takes 10 pictures of it to snapchat to her friends then leaves it and I end up drinking it while she goes and gets a slushy! I've therefore been fairly relaxed about it as she genuinely doesn't appear to drink much at all - I would feel different if she was drinking lots or coming home drunk etc. That said, I think a complete ban can make it even more enticing for them.

I'd be more concerned about the middle aged ladies round here who think nothing of a bottle of wine a night!

They may not be brawling in the streets or waliking home drunk at 11 pm but they will be the issue in the future

Of course not Sandy

No need to get snarky with me, I was just giving my example, in fact it's my entire extended family who are not drinkers, parents, uncles, aunts, cousins

My friends don't drink either, I just hate the assumption on mumsnet that all teenagers will, and do drink, when not everyone does

I was a teen in Drumchapel and drinking at 14 was just what you did on Friday nights. My friends were very 'liberal' with their attitudes to alcohol and were liberal enough to let me off with just drinking Irn Bru as I hated the taste of anything alcoholic.

I now live in a very middle class part of Hertfordshire where that's just what they do too. 20+ years on and I still haven't been drunk yet.

I have to disagree with those who say underage drinking is not a part of teen culture in Scotland.

It absolutely is - I teach Secondary and have done so in a number of different settings - rural areas, deprived town areas, nice middle class areas and they all have groups of teens who go out and get sozzled!

But zukie you said it "absolutely is not part of growing up here".

But it is - because a large majority of teens have been drinking from the time they are about 14/15.

So it very much is part of growing up here!

Ok,

I know that SOME drink, but not ALL

Can't just be my friends and family that don't touch alcohol

My English XH, his friends and family were huge drinkers, drank far far more than anyone else I have ever known

Well the Scottish government clearly think that Scotland has a drinking problem: adults in Scotland were consuming 23% more alcohol than in England and Wales.
That's why they put the ban on cut-price alcohol in place: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-15125064

I had already read the report Sandy linked too but refreshed my memory - it says 84% of teens had drunk alcohol by the time they were 15 and that drinking alcohol was a regular activity for 49% of the young people surveyed.
So nearly half of teens are drinking regularly.

I'm possibly 20 years, you're juniors, so hence we may differ in our experiences, however drinking in Scotland is a BIG issue, Scotland has the highest drinking rate in the UK. My area is rife with drink issues. (North Lanarkshire)

A few years ago also if my memory serves me correct, teenage drinking also in the UK, was/has the highest levels according to a report I read (WHO, I think it was published in 2012/14)

they all have groups of teens who go out and get sozzled

Absolutely - of course it happens everywhere. But kids getting drunk as a one off is very different from a culture such as the OP is describing where it's the norm and something funny, not something to be alarmed about. That's the key point. OP herself says she came home drunk when she was TWELVE which is unheard of round here.

But Poppy it's not a "one off".

It's regular - that survey states 49% are drinking regularly so nearly half of teenagers are doing this.

Scotland has some of the worst statistics for unhealthy lifestyles amongst teens so I don't think it's useful to be blinkered about this.

I'm not looking for a fight - I actually find it very worrying.

Of course they're going to drink at 14 years old! It's better to be realistic than lay down the law. If you ban it it just makes it more appealing. Lay down the ground rules, I buy my son his alcohol at 14 years old (3 cans of cider) then tell him he's allowed to drink that and nothing else. If you don't buy him his own he'll drink whatever he can scrounge from his mates which could end in a much, much worse scenario! Everything in moderation. Better to be on board than one of those high and mighty (no alcohol until you're 18 years old Mum's) who's kids drink and worse behind their backs IMO!!!

Of course they're going to drink at 14 years old!

Err, no. My 14 year old and his mates are not getting drunk / drinking. It's not "normal" here. However, if you're dishing out the booze then perhaps it's no surprise that it's getting drunk. There is no booze to scrounge among my 14 year old's friends as their parents are on the same page as us. Won't lose sleep over a beer with a meal at home on a special occasion (although he doesn't like the taste) but certainly won't be providing cans of cider because it's the done thing.