My 14 year old has just came home drunk!

[sunnnydays]

And I don't know what to do!

He told me he was going to a friend's house nearby, I know his friend group and they are fairly responsible , all the popular kids though so this might not be the first time I'm very lost on what to do, as my parents just sent me to bed with a glass of water when I came in drunk, age 12!!

We live in a rougher part of Glasgow so underage drinking/smoking is very normalised and I don't want his friends to make fun of him if it turns out he's the only one not allowed to drink! To be fair, he did come home at 11pm instead of 11:30 like we agreed. (friend's house he was allegedly at lives a few doors down)

Do I wait to hear back from the other parents? Let him get on with it or give him into trouble? I don't want him to feel like he can't trust me, a few months ago DD(13) came to tell me she had smoked a few times and felt bad for not telling me (we talked about the bad side affects of smoking and she said she didn't want "manky hair or nails" so stopped!)

I've got my hard hat on, please help!

I have 4 sons and we have had the same scenario with all 4 as the Op has had with her ds, all at different ages and stages in their lives.
They survived, they weren't actively encouraged to drink at home but we never banned it there was always beer in the fridge, wine etc, sometimes they drank, sometimes they didn't.
The times they were really worse for wear was when they were out with their mates, the one thing that really stopped them in their tracks was when one of their mates (in his early 20's at the time) was taken to ho hospital with alcohol poisoning, it really shook them all up and had a very "sobering" effect on them.
you cannot wrap your DCs in cotton wool, you cannot watch them 24/7, they have to grow and learn you can only hope that you have taught and guided them well.
Seeing their parents plastered is not a good example folks!

You have to give them the tools to cope and the sense to know when to stop. That and the self-confidence to not cave to peer pressure.

If you ban alcohol and your kids never experience how to handle themselves, how will they manage when they suddenly have all the freedom they want as adults? We'd all like to hope that our 18+ children have common sense but it's not always the case.

I'm surprised so many are so lax re underage drinking

Unfortunately, people are lax about drinking generally. Nobody should be coming home drunk or staggering about the streets at any age IMHO. That said, there are ways to positively coach your children as they mature and ways not to. My parents were incredibly draconian. It didn't stop me getting up to all sorts, I just became very skilled at being a devious little shit not getting caught.

Also agree that 11.30pm is very late as a curfew, even though it is the school holidays. I have a 14 year old and he is not allowed to do the "aimless wandering" thing that some teens do. Happy for him to go to friends' houses but if it's dark, I'd go and get him or he'll stay over. And we're in a "naice" part of Glasgow where walking home isn't likely to get you knifed.

Definitely a cultural thing though - round here teenage drinking isn't the norm (not saying it doesn't happen but it's not expected). None of my friends would dream of letting a child of 14 walk home by themselves at 11pm, nobody would find a drunk child in the least bit funny. The last thing on any of our minds would be how the child would look in front of their friends if we told the other kids' mums.

Just wondering if your ds was a dd would you still have found it funny?

We've all done it ..... cheap cider thinking it was cool ! He will have a bad head today ......

How is he today?

I don't live in Scotland so the issue of heavy drinking isn't so key here but when this happened to me I didn't treat it as a big deal. I know my child and don't buy the automatic jump from a couple of drinks to a drug habit.

Hopefully it's a one off and something to look back on, you've handled it well.

She's finding the whole thing funny and tbh so am I!

Hilarious, hold my sides.

I have a nearly 14 year old, and wouldn't be finding it hilarious if he came home drunk (and no, I'm not a stick in the mud about drink, I like it myself. You know, as an actual grown up.)

I hope you haven't let him have a lie in!

I'd have been hoovering outside at 8.30am

I wouldn't have been giving him water... let him feel the full force of the hangover. Then up at 7 to do some chores, with loud, annoying cheerful music blaring.

Read this and see If it helps clarify your situation

www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice/underage-drinking/

Can we please stop with the 'it's part of the Scottish culture' nonsense?

I'm Scottish, and it's 100% not normal to get pissed at 14, and certainly even less normal for your parents to find it amusing.

Totally agree Amy - piece of nonsense that this is a 'Scottish' thing. Is it hell. I would go through my kids like a ton of bricks if they dared get drunk at 14. They are older than that now, and know they would be in deep shit.
I do allow them wine or cider with a meal, so not totally against alcohol, but allowing kids to get drunk at 14 and finding it funny? Not normal at all.
Oh, and getting the local 'neds' to do jump-ins? In my experience, it's the ones asking who are the louts.

Plenty of water, a bucket and check on him every few hours.

It's not normalising it to say what's done is done and it's not something to get upset over. If he was doing it regularly it's different, but I imagine this will put him off it for a bit!

If he was thinking the dog was a cat and the rest of his behaviour makes me think he was more stoned than drunk.

Can we please stop with the 'it's part of the Scottish culture' nonsense

I'm Scottish too. It's not part of my culture to get pissed at 14 and as I said upthread it's not something I see happening round here at all.

Drive down Maryhill Road, or Govan Road, or Easterhouse and it IS a thing. It's not a "thing" in Bearsden, Milngavie, Newton Mearns or Lenziwe. It might not be a politically correct thing to say, but it is a deprived area, no prospects, education not important, getting pregnant early, high percentage of people on Benefits, never going to Uni sort of thing.

It's also a "thing" in similar areas of other large cities like Manchester, Liverpool or London with a high index of deprivation.

Well I lived in a rather nice market town in Lincolnshire as a teen and it most certainly was 'a thing' then. You're kidding yourself.

Yeah, the thing about the dog being a cat would worry me unless I thought he was being stupid and having me on.

I've been very, very drunk in my time but I've never actually lost touch with reality in that way!

And the crying because he dropped a chip.

That's surely not normal teenage drunken behaviour?

dd1 came home pissed once (at 17 i hasten to add ) and she was slurring her words, stumbling and was very sick. She made a certain kind of sense though and wasn't away with the fairies like your ds seems to have been. I'd suspect drugs too. Sorry but they are absolutely rife among teens.

When I was growing up we started experimenting with alcohol at around at 14. I am from a single parent family/council estate family and my mum was open with me about alcohol and was very like the op, because of this, I was sensible with my experimenting and in fact, wasn't hugely I interested in getting drunk. Other kids in my peer group, from much better income two parent families were absolutely out of control with the alcohol, their parents were of a zero tolerance attitude towards teen drinking which drove their kids driving "underground". One of the girls was actually hospitalised and got her stomach pumped.
My point is, teens are going to do it if they want to, they will find a way. Your attitude towards it will affect how they do it.

Drinking* not driving.

I just do NOT believe that a parent who have a no tolerance attitude to drinking breed a generation of pissheads.

It is utter, utter bollocks.

You should be allowed as a parent to say ' I think drinking at your age is wrong, it is really really bad for you and if you come home drunk again I will be bloody furious. Just don't drink' without thinking uh oh, my poor child is now condemned to a life of meths in the street.

You can believe what you like, I'm telling you my first hand experiences.
My mum did tell me the dangers of drinking but didn't go ballistic batshit crazy at me or got "bloody furious".
I was sensible, kids of parents that went mental weren't. This actually happened.

At 14 they should be able to 'self regulate' in terms of punishment - they will know they did wrong - they will know to be more careful etc - they shouldn't need to be berated -

poppyyou are kidding yourself on, it's rife in giffnock, clarkston, William wood-all classy areas with brilliant schooling-kids still drink and have underage sex but it's more hidden. I know this as friends kids go to school in these areas and it's just as prevalent.