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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

266 replies

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 18:12

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

OP posts:
viques · 04/08/2017 09:01

Well, according to one of your posts this is your last day. you have wasted a whole lot of energy moaning about your friends so I suggest you stop whinging and try to enjoy your last few hours without venting your annoyance to a bunch of strangers who (this one at least) are probably wondering how your friends have put up with you trying your best to hijack their holiday with your demands and sulks.

RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 09:06

I still don't understand why you didn't just say to your friends that the three of you were going out for the day in the car?

It was your car and they would have just lazed by the pool.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:06

Everybody is on a screen, they been doing that all week (when not in the pool) so they haven't even had the chance to see me sulk

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 09:08

*Today 09:06 revolution909

Everybody is on a screen, they been doing that all week (when not in the pool) so they haven't even had the chance to see me sulk*

If they've been doing this all week why didn't you take your family and have a day trip out? They obviously wouldn't have cared.

AppleAndBlackberry · 04/08/2017 09:10

I 'drag' my children to castles, museums, on walks etc. They usually have a great time. I don't think kids necessarily just want a week by the pool, we've never done a holiday like that. YANBU to be annoyed at your friends for not being upfront.

Sunshinelollypops · 04/08/2017 09:11

To be honest the holiday isn't about you, it's what the majority want when it's a group holiday, you could have struck off on your own but you'd rather have everyone do what you want to do, face it your in the minority on the holiday and you'd be better just relaxing and enjoying what you can.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:13

I would have if it hadn't been casually said they wanted it to be a joint thing. I would not have to have had an issue with that at all! In fact before we even came I said I would probably disappear as I wanted to get my French fix. She assured me they'd want to them do that too :/

OP posts:
IntegritasAdSalutemVocat · 04/08/2017 09:14

I think that you should take the car and leave them with the pool. Also, your daughter will probably end up loving the museum when she gets there, kids just can't see past what they're already doing.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 04/08/2017 09:17

Not sure it's much 'fun' for anyone being stuck for hours in a car.

You keep saying they knew the mileage but haven't actually said how far it was other than you had been in the car for well over an hour and hadn't got there.

RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 09:18

But then you got there and they didn't want to.

All you had to do was say to them in the morning "we're going to x today, leaving at 12, do you fancy it?" and if they said no then just leave without them Confused

So you just didn't go because they said they wanted to but obviously they didn't....or did they ask you to turn the car around on every trip out?

This makes no sense!

Kardashianlove · 04/08/2017 09:23

I thought by having one day out of seven it was a fairly good compromise. But I didn't even get that :/ I guess I'm also disappointed because I'm very close to their kids (especially their ds) so I just wanted to share a bit of my life /knowledge with him.

But you could have got that, you could have got every day. You CHOSE not to go.

The problem seems to be that you wanted everyone to go, rather than just saying 'I am going XXX if anyone wants to come'. That way it's easier for them to say no thanks, they prefer to stay by the pool.

They should have said no but sometimes it's not that easy, especially if they knew you were desperate for them to come.

You keep saying you thought there would be compromise-there is no need to compromise. You do what you want and let them do what they want. It seems ridiculous for you to sit at the pool when you would rather be sightseeing and then to sightsee when they would rather be at the pool.

All children are different, some just aren't into castles,etc and depending on the age of your friends DC I can understand how the parents would be annoyed at you wanting to 'share your knowledge/life with him'. My DC would be polite to you but would really hate this and would much rather be at the pool. I would be so annoyed if my friend wanted to put us all in a car for hours to somewhere we didn't want to go instead of just going herself. It seems quite selfish.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:25

On the only attempt they made me turn around making in the end excuses of how the kids would get bored and it was just not what they'd want to do. They could have said that in the first place before we all got in the car.

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:29

But I never said I wouldn't do it by myself or with my family. By them never saying " well wait we don't want to do that" how was I supposed to know they didn't want to? They just kept saying yeah on "x" we'll go out, we gave them options and they said "we're easy“... They had plenty of opportunities to say no, that's not. Our thing, etc...

OP posts:
BillBrysonsBeard · 04/08/2017 09:31

I don't understand the issue... just put your 6 year old in the car and go! Not everyone has to do the same things.

RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 09:32

OP you're not getting it.

That was only ONE day! Why didn't you take your family out yourself on any of the other days when it was obvious the other family weren't interested in culture etc

Their kids might have been bored but what stopped you from taking your own DD out for the day?

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:33

In the end I get it, it's a cultural thing. I come from the other side of the world, coming to France still feels like a "big trip" to me. Just I the same way if say we're in Cancun I would not be desperate to see the pyramids as I've seen them a few times.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 09:36

You're still not answering the question a lot of posters are asking.

Why didnt you take your family out for the day by yourself when it was obvious the other family just weren't interested?

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:36

@rhubard because before that day arrived they kept saying they DID want to go out. It was the day we planned to go out. I was happy with having that day out as it was the plan agreed on (not to every single detail but you get it). If they had been honest from day one that they never really wanted to do that sort of thing, instead of saying that yes we would go out that day, I would have made different plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:38

Maybe I didn't make myself very clear, they said they wanted to. It was only after 40 mins - 1hr into it that they said it was not they're type of thing.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 09:39

I give up. You had the rest of the holiday to go exploring with your family.

I agree that it wasn't fair of them to agree to a trip and then back out but still don't get why you didn't make the most of the rest of the holiday.

robinia · 04/08/2017 09:40

I'm with you op. I don't go on holiday to sit by a pool 24/7. A holiday can be so much more than that. We usually do a one day on/one day off - so a day by the pool or on the beach followed by a day exploring, be that cultural, walking, watersports etc. Of course, even on the days doing other stuff we come back in the afternoon/evening and chill out by/in the pool.
I think your holiday friends have BVU not supporting one day of activity out of the whole week and even more so whinging so much that you turned around and drove back on an already planned day out.

notaslimceagirl · 04/08/2017 09:43

op you seem overly invested in sharing your 'knowledge' about culture with your friends and their children.

operaha · 04/08/2017 09:44

Woulda just gone out with child myself and seen them later tbh.
I'm fluent in French and my friends think I'm all la di da about it but a bloody buffalo grill en route is a given!!!
Cheap to feed the family and the food is nice and the staff usually don't speak English so I can impress all my friends by asking questions for them, what's not to like?! Wink

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 09:44

Yesterday I tried to mend things and it only backfired (the restaurant issue). So I only have left today to do stuff which I will in a sec once we're ready to leave.

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 04/08/2017 09:52

You should've done your own thing with your family, inviting them to join if they wanted, if they were noncommittal then you should've just gone anyway. DD is 6, you can just take her with you if it's important to you.

You wanting to drag everyone to "culture" is the problem here. You should've just done your own thing and let them do their own thing.