On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

[revolution909]

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

""We felt bad for them for the lack of car so came back to see if they'd like to do something / be taken anywhere as I was satisfied with my "little" adventure""

I missed that bit. They hadn't moved all week, you had your chance to do exactly what you wanted, but went fussing around them again.

Why?

You have so few holidays with your kids. Do what they want to do. Maybe a ckmprkkise here or there. My eldest son 19 now spends his own holidays either off his face at festivals or in European art galleries.

They'll still be there in ten years time.

Assuming - possibly wrongly - that people have two holidays a year and have more than one child then there is a twenty year period where people take children away somewhere. That's forty holidays.

I think it's madness to say just do what children want. There's a sense in which they don't know what they want. Or they want something and then change their minds. Something can be 'wonderful' one minute and 'boring' the next. So parents just plan stuff with the knowledge that their attention spans and energy levels aren't infinite - so running about/cooling off/times to eat and drink are required.

But I think parents who are unadventurous risk projecting that onto their children, 'Oh they won't like that. They won't eat that' etc.

I suppose that I've projected a certain amount of what I like onto my own children, 'Oh they'll eat this. They can do that walk. They'll find this site interesting'.

But it seems to have worked

The problem is that you want them to do your kind of holiday whereas they are happy relaxing. I think there has been miscommunication as you took them being "easy" as meaning they would do what you wanted - however it might have meant they were happy to do their own thing while you do your thing. They certainly don't seem to mind you taking off in the car and doing your own thing but you are not happy with that either and want them to do trips with you. If budget is an issue for them perhaps they don't have money for expensive trips - especially ones that require petrol for a 3-4 hour return driving trip.

Yabu. You want an entire family to go on your trip so that your DD doesn't get upset at 'having' to go.

Go yourself. Or take your DD and tell her you are having a family day. Even if she isn't best pleased you believe it is good for her (probably right).

Read more of the thread and confused. If u are asking is it unreasonable to change it mind about a day out when half way there and car sharing the answer is yes. All the other stuff about you liking culture and being at the pool so long already and your DD would rather stay by the pool and tacky restaurants is not the point and makes you sound unreasonable/difficult to holiday with.

Forcing culture on a 6 year old on holiday sounds like hard work to me.

I predict this friendship is now toast - bet they can't wait to get back home.

All about getting the balance right really. We have 2 weeks in villa with pool doing 4 days out to really beautiful places will try to enthuse dc about as one world famous rest of time playing at pool. Two water park trips if kids want to.

Hell would freeze over before we spent our precious 2 week summer holiday with another family though

Quite a lot of Mumsnetters agonise about their children's progress at school. Obviously the main purpose of holidays is for all family member to enjoy themselves in a way that's not possible during the working week and the school term.

But going for a walk in an unfamiliar landscape, eating different food, learning and using a few phrases in another language and using them, finding out something of another country's history - these are all experiences that can help our children to grow and develop. I'd also argue that endless play by the pool - like endless anything can be boring - so well-thought outings can turn out to be memorable and enjoyable

Exactly Magdalen. As a child we did about 80% pool 20% visiting lovely places and I really remember those trips.

Gratuitous numerous lengthy enforced visits to archaeological sites or churches in the heat is likely to be counter productive though!

The problem is of your own making.

There is and was nothing stopping you from making your own plan and do a cultural activity, with DH and DD, and then come back late afternoon so DD can have a swim with her mates. That way everyone would have been happy?

We just did a holiday like this, and ended up wasting one day as we were supposed to all go out and it ended up not happening due to friends,faffing. The next day, we booked something. Told friends that's what we were doing, and what the website was if they wanted to book too.

The day after, DH and I went out and DS wanted to stay by pool, we checked with our friends if they were happy with that, they were.

No drama. So what if you like different things.

Your mistake was thinking you should do everything as a group, and that they should join you on a cultural activity they were not interested in.

At 6, you could have easily told DD:"we are going out, you can play in the pool when we come back" and just go.

The fact that you are afraid to "upset" DD, and cannot tell her what to do, is a problem with your parenting, not your friends' parenting.

Shame it marred to holiday experience for you, but it could have been so easily avoided...

Why did you come back after your "little adventure" and still try and take them our somewhere, you really don't get why some one would be happy just lying at at a pool so you? You seem determined to give them the benefit of your cultural knowledge for some reason..

My 6 year old loves a bit of culture.

Really you just need to make your own plans and get on with them. No big deal

Well we're back and the friendship survived! We're going to an AI in 2 years :) I'm glad as they're my closest friends and I really thought I would lose them at some point. Lots of lessons learned :)

Glad it turned out well OP.