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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

266 replies

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 18:12

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

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Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 03:52

The children are friends so of course they're having fun together! Their days have been a mix of pool and watching films. With two trips to the town centre and one mini walk in the neighborhood.

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headhurtstoomuch · 04/08/2017 06:33

This whole situation has been blown out of proportion. If you want to go and view historical places then GO! Take your child and just go and enjoy. Your friends have no interest in coming it's not a big deal. Accept it.

BiscuitsWithEverythingPlease · 04/08/2017 06:48

We love holidays in France and have been going for years, often with another family and always had a fab time. As pp have said, you are not joined at the hip so go do your own thing while they stay by the pool. If your daughter doesnt want to come, then deal with it...bribe her, persuade her, ask if she can stay with them, just take her cos its good for her cultural upbrining or just stay by the pool and chill. If the tacky restaurant was a Buffalo Grill, they are ideal with children, the food is ok and for gods sake you are on holiday. Why spoil a good friendship by being so inflexible. I wonder if your friend is here moaning that she is on holiday in France but it is being ruined by another couple who are whining about being by the pool and the choice of restaurant for dinner.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 07:22

But that's how it's been the shocker. I'm on holiday (I don't get them that often) and I simply don't do what my daughter wants to do. We never go to places because we think they're kid friendly and frankly in that way I don't prioritize her at all, but I wasn't raised that way and I thought I had a pretty happy childhood. I just did what my parents did and tagged along. No I don't choose to go to. Places because they're great with kids I chose them because I like them.

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Witsender · 04/08/2017 07:24

Well, that sounds a little selfish. Surely a mixture is the norm?

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 07:29

Well she gets her own holiday once a year. Last time we went to LA and had a blast and we solely focused it on her and that was great! I think she can totally have fun as long as I make it fun if we go to châteaux or bistrots I don't believe it has to be child friendly, I make it that way so to speak. You see, she I first moved to the UK the whole "child friendly" restaurant idea was a complete shocker to me... My mum still finds it odd.. We used to think all restaurants can be kid friendly if you want to :/ This trip has been a mega cultural shock for me, after living 8 years in the UK I thought I was more in tune with being "British" but no... :(

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Wonders71 · 04/08/2017 07:36

Why could you of not just said on so and so days we are going exploring do you want to come? If not fine you could of gone on your own and if your daughter wanted to stay with friends bonus you could of had a nice time with your husband! As for the restaurant it seems kid friendly! You sound a bit of a brat tbh.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2017 07:40

If you don't do what your dd wants to do and your parents didn't either and you had a happy childhood, then you and your dd must both be a very placid people. My dd would not take doing what she didn't want to do. Aged 7 we took dd to a chateau for the afternoon in France. It was draining. She moaned a lot. She is feisty and knows her own mind. I don't think this is a culture shock more you not understanding that very very few children will be happy to just tag along and do what you want. My dd isn't one of these children and sounds as if she may be more at the opposing end of the scale to yours. Perhaps your friends' children are more like mine. Doing things I want to do with dd isn't worth the hassle although with age she is improving.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 07:40

Because they said they would come, then got in the car and it turned out they really didn't want to. They could just have said "no".

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Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 07:45

Yeah my daughter is great in that way! Yeah, she might moan but I usually tell her I loved doing it when I was her age and she's happy with that :). She's a bit fuzzy about eating out but she doesn't like pizza, nor burgers so she's usually perfectly happy with a side order of veggies and chips.

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EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 04/08/2017 07:53

Sounds like my DS2 Mummyoflittledragon. DD would probably enjoy the cultural stuff, but she's older and more academic, and I'd still choose places I thought she'd like and ask her if she wanted to go. Food wise: it would be the other way round. DS2 will eat most things, DD's quite fussy. I'd have to check the menu out.

headhurtstoomuch · 04/08/2017 07:55

Were you a little lax with the truth about how far the place actually was? You say the car was turned around an hour later and you were still only half way there?

You are contradicting yourself. On one hand you are saying your daughter has to do what you want to do whilst on holiday...yet you didn't want to / were unable to take her out for a historical day and get her away from her friends.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 07:59

Well in the past that's what we've done. Not this one in particular,this one we've gone with the flow for the most part. And no I was not lax about the distance, there were signs everywhere of how long it would take. I think they just didn't do their homework.

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Sunshinelollypops · 04/08/2017 08:02

I think you are in real danger of spoiling the holiday for yourself and everyone else, yes it's dissapointing it's not the holiday you thought it would be, but suck it up and get on with it for the sake of everyone else and your friendship with the other family. Learn the lesson and next year don't go on holiday with anyone but your own family. Even if you think you are hiding your frustrations I'm pretty sure the others will be picking up on the atmosphere. My parents took me to all the cultural places and I did enjoy them, but one memory really stands out is when I was made to leave my holiday friends to go somewhere cultural, I can't remember what it was but I do remember watching them playing as my parents drove me away and wishing that I could stay and play with them. Your daughter is 6, you have every other day of the year to encourage her cultural interests, just put this down as a learning experience and stop with the sad faces Smile

Flisspaps · 04/08/2017 08:25

@revolution909

You at 20.39 - "and what I was supposed to do, just say no?"

You at 7.40 - "They could just have said "no""

You're contradicting yourself. Why are your friends the ones who should have said they didn't want to do your activity, when you didn't make yourself clear for 4 days?!

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 08:32

I made myself clear I wanted / was planning to go out. Just the same way I was clear I thought there were better restaurants. There was a tacit agreement we would all do some activities together but they never really wanted to. That's my grievance.

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RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 08:38

I think they just didn't do their homework

Maybe because they are on holiday?

YABU to expect everyone to go on a 2 hour car ride to somewhere nobody wants to go. They probably assumed it was close by, you should have told them how far away it was then they could have made the decision not to go and you, DH and DD could have just gone by yourselves.

I've RTFT and I think you're coming accross as a bit of a holiday bore, sorry.

Just relax and enjoy yourself! Not every holiday has to be a cultural adventure.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 08:43

We said before we set off how far it was / what to expect. We were not even in the car at that point. I just thought there would be some compromise from both ends that's all.

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RestingBitchFaced · 04/08/2017 08:44

No-one is stopping you from doing what you want so just do it! They don't have to come with you if they don't want to. Such a non issue

RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 08:46

We said before we set off how far it was / what to expect

But that's not what you said. You said they didn't read the signs and that they 'hadn't done their homework' suggesting that they didn't know before hand how long the journey would take Confused

Your posts are really convoluted!

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 08:50

I think they didn't do their homework about what to exactly expect of the day trips. We were clear about the distances and there were signs everywhere. They not even once said they didn't want to do them. They could have said so. I'm sure they knew from the start they'd rather stay by the pool. So they could have been honest about that.

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RhubardGin · 04/08/2017 08:51

Also, I'm not really seeing what this has to do with parenting styles?

You see holidays as an opportunity to see culture and history etc and they see holidays as an opportunity to have fun and relax, I feel like this is an episode of Holiday Showdown!

I miss that show

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 04/08/2017 08:55

To be perfectly honest you are coming across as a little snobby with your holiday 'know how' Grin

That being said, if your friends aren't willing to do even 1 day of things you'd like to do, when you've been doing the last 4 days of things they like to do, then yeah, I do think that's quite rude of them.

Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 08:55

Because they think it's "odd" I don't put the kids first. Also I think you can have either type or both. The expectation was that it was going to be the latter, but they were just never clear about it.

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Original poster
revolution909 · 04/08/2017 08:58

@itsnice I can get that, and you more or less get how I feel, we've done for the most part what they've wanted to do, I've let them lead. Same as with the restaurants one was a fluke and the other one I made it clear we should look for. Other options. Again, I don't care if the kids moan but they just wanted them to sit down.

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