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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

266 replies

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 18:12

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 03/08/2017 20:39

How is this so hard? Just go and do what you want to do in the car tomorrow. Ask them if they want to come, they probably don't so that's fine.

Devon1997 · 03/08/2017 20:40

Just tell them that you feel they are being selfish/unfair as they chose where you ate and you compromised for them and they should repay the compromise. Sometimes you just need to tell it how it is!

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:40

I mean the car is ours anyways, it's not like I have to ask for their permission so to speak. And that's what will happen in the end I'm taking my family to a castle.

OP posts:
Firenight · 03/08/2017 20:41

The mistake is only having one car and having to do everything together.

WinnieWonders · 03/08/2017 20:44

I don't know why people are saying OP is a snob for going on holiday abroad and wanting to experience French culture - i.e. for wanting to feel like she is actually in France. Otherwise you might as well just stay in England.

The problem is, OP, you obviously had ideas in your head about how the holiday would go and were excited about eating French food, sight-seeing, etc, but others obvioulsy did not share your views. You have built this holiday up into something more than it could be. With lots of kids you have to go to child-friendly eating places like the one you described. When you go on holiday with other families, you have to accept that you are going to have to do things you would not choose to do. Learn from it and don't go on holiday with other families again.

I went away with my boyfriends family once to France and all they wanted to do was to stay on the caravan park. I found it really weird. Except for the weather, how would you know you had bothered to travel all that way? I persuaded them to visit some local towns, but they weren't very keen and probably thought I was bonkers. It's just a difference in preference / ideas of how holidays should be.

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:45

Well that wasn't the original plan but stuff happened so we ended just with one. @devon that's more or less how I feel :(. Plus I work in the travel industry so I feel like I have some know-how

OP posts:
Lunde · 03/08/2017 20:45

So what is the problem then if you are going to enjoy going to the castle and they are happy staying by the pool? - everyone gets to do what they want so it's a win-win.

The problem seems to be your expectation of doing group outings

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:46

The lack of being direct/honest and them being shocked I want to "drag children" to do cultural stuff.

OP posts:
sweetbitter · 03/08/2017 20:50

YANBU, I get that the hardest thing is your daughter wanting to stay with them instead of coming on day trips with you. I think he previous suggestion to leave for places early-ish is a good one, so you are not dragging her away from fun and you have time to come back and play in the pool afterwards.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/08/2017 20:52

We were very clear about the mileage involved

So how far was It?

You had already spent a good hour in the car.

I like cultural stuff but wouldn't be happy spending endless hours traveling to see a castle tbh.

PovertyJetset · 03/08/2017 20:58

Honestly you sound like a real whiner.

This is such a non problem.

But, you seem to be incapable of saying then doing what you want and then whining about it.

You had been in the car for an hour and they said turn the car aroud, and you did?!

I don't believe you.

cardibach · 03/08/2017 21:08

Kardashianlove I don't recognise this: I don't think bad of parents though who make DC do cultural things, I just couldn't be doing with the persuading to come/morning, etc!
I didn't make DD do things against her will - it was just part if the holiday. We did some swimming etc too. I didn't have to 'persuade' either - it was just the way it was. She lived our holidays when she was small and still talks about things we did. She likes cultural holidays herself now too.

Lunde · 03/08/2017 21:16

Do you think that deep down you are a bit offended that they don't want you to be their tour guide and avail themselves of your "travel industry know-how"?

whiteroseredrose · 03/08/2017 21:19

You're getting a hard time unfairly I think.

Both families spent days by the pool. They discussed possible days out and they agreed to one. But on the way there they actually said that they didn't want to go and insisted the OP turn round and take them back. Thus ruining the one day out they'd finally got around to.

OP's point, I think, is that if they'd been honest up front and said that they wanted to spend the whole time by the pool, them OP would have planned days out for her own earlier in the week. YANBU

On holiday is where you find out most about people. I'd be as frustrated as you OP. A pool could be anywhere including Centre Parks.

For what it's worth our best holidays ever were spent exploring castles and sights in Northumberland and the Loire Valley. Worst were in Tunisia and Skiathos! Too hot and sand is useless for sandcastles...

ShastaBeast · 03/08/2017 21:24

I'd hate a holiday by the pool too, even with kids. You needed to be more firm about your intentions and that you were doing it regardless so they were welcome to come or stay - they did when they chose the restaurant. Holidaying with friends is tricky unless you agree to do your own thing at times.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 03/08/2017 21:29

I wouldn't drag my DC round places they didn't want to go. I was that child. 😢

RiverTam · 03/08/2017 21:41

Evil so you only do what your DC want on holiday? For, what, 18 years? Not once say, d'you know what, I'd really like to spend a few hours of our entire holiday going to X castle or Y museum? Never?

We do a mixture with DD, and some of the 'us' things she ends up enjoying, and yes, some not so much. But given that I can't abide beach stuff, but I do it anyway, she needs to learn about give and take. Otherwise she'll end up the most ghastly spoilt child, surely.

OP, you're friends sound very tiresome. Can't bear people who automatically assume kids won't like culture, that might have been the case 30 years ago but nowadays most places have stuff for kids. Some of the best adventure playgrounds we've been to have been attached to stately homes.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 03/08/2017 22:33

My older 2 I certainly didn't expect to come on holiday with me past about 15, and I know better than to drag small children round museums and ruins. Holidays entail building sandcastles, fossil collecting, eating out, horse riding. All things I actually like doing as well. 😊

Kardashianlove · 03/08/2017 22:39

@cardibach I should have said 'make DC do cultural things (or other things!) when they don't want to'
I'm taking about parents who want to do things their DC don't want to do and saying that I don't think there is anything wrong with that as it's the parents holiday too, just not something I would choose to do with my DC.
I wasn't taking about people who's DC were happy to do what the parents wanted and didn't have to be persuaded.

I remember as a child being persuaded to go sight seeing when I just wanted to stay by the pool all day. My parents did do both what I wanted to do and what they wanted but I always felt like I couldn't relax properly as I'd know that later on/tomorrow we'd have to go and visit somewhere I didn't want to go. So I don't do that with my DC as I know it won't be long before they won't be on holiday with me anymore and I can do what I want!

It's lovely though that your DD enjoyed her holidays with youSmile

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 03/08/2017 22:43

Kardashian I think we're on the same page.

Kardashianlove · 03/08/2017 23:04

Evildoctor definitely!

river I don't think DC would end up 'the most ghastly spoilt child' because you do what they want to do on holiday a few weeks a year.
My DC have to compromise a lot of the time but on holiday, no, I would never say come to a castle/museum when they didn't want to because I wanted to go.

It's not for 18 years either, when they are babies, they don't know/are happy to do anything and when they get to a certain age they can be left at the hotel or whatever while you go. To me, it's such a short period in my life I do make the holiday all about them. Nothing wrong with doing it differenty though Smile

BackforGood · 03/08/2017 23:27

Oh dear, if most of you want to sit by the pool, what's the point of the plane tickets and the whole expense of visiting another country?

Simple Guinea - the weather. I'd have thought that fairly obvious. The UK is a wonderful country for 'seeing things' - for history, for culture, etc., but it really is very unusual to be guaranteed weather hot enough to tempt me into the sea or an outdoor pool, or to just lie on a sunbed for a few hours.

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 23:38

I guess I'm spoilt in that way! I grew up in a country where I could have "beach" holidays and "cultural" ones. Weather was never an issue. So in my head I still have a clear division between one type and another one. I thought by having one day out of seven it was a fairly good compromise. But I didn't even get that :/ I guess I'm also disappointed because I'm very close to their kids (especially their ds) so I just wanted to share a bit of my life /knowledge with him. Again, my mother is a historian my dad a philosopher so I had "culture" ingrained since I was very little.

OP posts:
coffeekittens · 03/08/2017 23:52

OP are you feeling okay? This thread is so confusing.

missiondecision · 04/08/2017 00:00

Jeez get a back bone woman.
I'd not let anyone tell me how my children would be happily entertained. That's your job and your dh of course. A 6 yo can enjoy the pool but spends time with family as well.
I wonder how many children does the other family have?? Is your child actually entertaining their child? Irrelevant to my other comments but just a thought.