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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

266 replies

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 18:12

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:52

No, I didn't force anyone BTW... I just suggested we could go, nobody said a thing and only after spending a good hour in the car is that they finally spoke out and the problems started :(

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 03/08/2017 19:54

Just take your dd and go out for the day. I happily force museums, historical attractions and the natural world on my kids during holidays. I wouldn't have a problem with other people making different decisions for their kids though.

MsHarry · 03/08/2017 19:55

If they are in the pool, you take the car. Simple.

Loopytiles · 03/08/2017 19:55

YABU. As PPs say you could just have taken your H and DD and the car and done your things for some of the time. So what if DD would prefer the pool or to be with the other DC: she is 6 and doesn't get to decide!

If your budget/time for meals out was restricted and you cared a lot about where to go you should have explained this and either agreed on places/times or given it a miss.

I dislike most "cultural" visits and museums and would probably not be willing to do those things on a holiday with my DC if the alternative was a sunny lounge by a pool! DH might go along though and make the DC go sometimes.

heateallthebuns · 03/08/2017 19:57

Yabu just because you want to do sometnig cultural doesn't mean they have to!!!!

MsHarry · 03/08/2017 19:58

This is why I don't holiday with other people. Holidays are for doing what you want.

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:00

Like I mentioned they agreed on doing it but they weren't being honest. I get they were being polite but we had been lounging by the pool for the past 4 days, we all agreed to go out that day, I guess they could have been assertive? But they weren't. why do it once we set off and it's too late to plan anything?

OP posts:
LeMesmer · 03/08/2017 20:04

I agree if they really didn't want to go they should have said. But that is over and done with now OP, if you want to take your DD somewhere just go.

pinkbraces · 03/08/2017 20:05

Why on earth did you lay about for four days? You are not making sense. Go off and do your thing and let your friends do their thing - everyone happy!

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:08

Because I understood (and so did DH) we would do a bit of both. I think that was never their plan and were never honest about it. If they had been honest from day 1 and said "you know what, we're simply not interested" I would have planned something for my family to do.

OP posts:
Lunde · 03/08/2017 20:16

The problem is that you have different holiday philosophies - but where I think you are making a mistake is trying to convert them to your way of thinking and trying to get then to appreciate the the type of holiday that you prefer when they are not interested.

Trying to get everyone to do the same things is a recipe for problems. You need to decide what your family are going to do and go and do that and meet up later regardless of what they do.

heateallthebuns · 03/08/2017 20:17

Did they make you come home from the cultural thing? Or just sulk?
It's not unreasonable to always lie by the pool or do cultural things, but it is unreasonable to expect another family to do things they don't want to.

Lunde · 03/08/2017 20:17

I don't really understand why you just seethed for days rather than doing your own thing!

DillyDilly · 03/08/2017 20:17

Can't you do something culturally interesting with your family tomorrow and every day for the rest of your holiday ? Just tell your DD that she has to come with you.
Probably the hassle started in the car, an hour into the journey, because your friends didn't realise the cultural day you planned involved quite a lot of driving ?

pinkbraces · 03/08/2017 20:18

Stop blaming others for your inability to get your family away from the pool.
It's easy you get up, say we are going to (cultural place) do you want to come? Ok, see you later!
No big deal or issues!

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:19

They made me drive home. We were very clear about the mileage involved

OP posts:
Kardashianlove · 03/08/2017 20:23

They shouldn't have agreed to go if they didn't want to but maybe they felt pressured by you to go?

You say you understood you would do a bit of both - you could have done though, I don't understand why you didn't go if you wanted to (especially as you could have left DD with DH).

Or do you mean you wanted other people to go with you?
I can understand you not wanting to go on your own but you can't expect other people to do something they don't want to do.

I prefer the beach on holiday and would rather go with other people but I wouldnt start saying we've done the pool/sightseeing for 4 days, can we go to the beach today. I would say I'm going and if other people came then it's a bonus.

I'm still confused as to why you stayed by the pool for 4 days when you didn't want to. I wonder if your friends have picked up that you wern't enjoying yourself.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 20:27

Having only one car wasn't a problem when your friends were happy by the pool and didn't want to use it Hmm
How does that reflect on their parenting style??

Lunde · 03/08/2017 20:29

If you turned back after an hour - how far away was the cultural site you wanted to visit!? Perhaps there was a misunderstanding about how long the journey would take on French roads - they were perhaps thinking in terms of a short half day trip including sightseeing whereas you were happy to drive for hours just to get there.

I still don't quite understand why your family didn't do your own thing?

lifebook · 03/08/2017 20:30

Magdalen trust me there isn't a bloody inch of sunshine anywhere on this island right now! French pool, or caravan in Norfolk? Mmmm give me a minute....

OP I feel for you and think you have been unfairly treated on here, hard if tomorrow is your last day though - I suspect you won't be going away with them again.

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:31

I was fine with spending those days by the pool as it was my understanding (and DH) that we would go out at least once. I never pressured them or even said "we should do x" it was all casual conversations of things we could all do. My issue is that they could have said from day 1, "we simply don't want to“ then I would have done something with my family. Not waste one day, then try to amend things (which backfired) and just be left with one day :(

OP posts:
Foxglovesandsweetpeas · 03/08/2017 20:34

I don't think culture should be forced upon children or else you could turn them off it for life. I hated being dragged round churches etc whilst on holiday as a child - it was as boring as hell and put me off for many, many years as I had awful memories. I'd say if they're happy in the pool just let them be.

Loopytiles · 03/08/2017 20:35

They didn't "make you" stay in for 4 days, or turn back from your excursion, or go to the restaurant: they implictly or explicitly asked you to do so and you complied.

Loopytiles · 03/08/2017 20:36

UK holidays are very often bad weather. Some people like to fly to get somewhere warm and enjoy spending the time by a pool: fair enough.

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 20:39

@loopytiles and what I was supposed to do, just say no?

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