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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

266 replies

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 18:12

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

OP posts:
Gooseberrycrumble4 · 03/08/2017 19:30

Just tell your DD she's going out for the day with you tomorrow and leave early first thing before she starts playing

ButchyRestingFace · 03/08/2017 19:32

I don't get why you don't just go out tomorrow and take your kid with you?

Why the angst?? Confused

HotelEuphoria · 03/08/2017 19:33

I can't follow this thread, it's all a bit of a nothing. They want to lie by the pool, you say "were off to xxx today, what to come." Knowing full well they won't. You go out have a nice day, take DD with you, she's six, you come back and say "we don't fancy the Wild West buffalo grill thingy, we're eating at xxx, do you want to come?" Knowing they won't.

Everyone happy, no issue.

I have successfull managed a number of holidays with friends and stayed friends, although they did get on my tits quite a bit!

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:33

@guineagin that's more or less how I feel... And I mean even just going out and see what's there makes it worth it! I get that it was my fault I'm a massive francophile, I lived here intermittently for years so I just want to share with my daughters (and my friends) all the experiences that I've had. It was a dumb move I get it now :(

OP posts:
headhurtstoomuch · 03/08/2017 19:33

If you think children can enjoy culture then take your daughter and enjoy the culture. Honestly you sound ridiculous. She's 6! Just because their children don't want to go why is that your friends problem?

My husband loves exploring, my boys not so much. He goes off, we stay by the pool. Doesn't make those that remain a bunch of uneducated idiots just kids want to play in the pool in the sunshine! I do what my boys want to do as it's their holiday as much as mine.

Olympiathequeen · 03/08/2017 19:33

If your child wants to play by the pool with her friends surely that's more important than looking at a series of small walls?

I'm sure she would have been fine doing as you wanted if a poolside alternative hadn't been offered. So the lesson is have a holiday of your choice where you don't have to fit in with others.

kmc1111 · 03/08/2017 19:34

God, I bloody loved doing 'cultural' things on holiday as a kid, as did my kids. Totally fair enough if it's not your thing, but it's pretty depressing to see people acting like it's utterly ridiculous that a child might enjoy a museum or a beautiful building or good food.

Not sure why OP is getting such a kicking. She and the other couple obviously should have discussed what they wanted to do on holiday, but all she's hoping for is that they do a little of what she'd like to do. People are talking about compromise, but then saying OP should just shut up and hang around the pool and eat wherever the others want to go. How is that fair?

youarenotkiddingme · 03/08/2017 19:35

Actually you aren't being any different from them.

You won't go and take your 6yo off exploring because she'd be upset having to go when she doesn't want to and wants to swim.
They aren't attempting to take the kids out for the same reasons.

You are the one with the problem for not just saying "DD and I are going to x place this morning if you or dcs want to join us"

LeMesmer · 03/08/2017 19:35

I certainly don't think you are a snob for enjoying a cultural holiday OP, I do the same, you just seem to be critical of your friends for not enjoying it (or taking their DC to such places), that does come across as a bit snobby, but maybe I am being harsh.

You can still do cultural things and pool in one day with your DD (I say one day as time seems to be running out). However I think at 6 if the pool is on offer you have got to present it to her as something really great to see, and it should be good to avoid her being bored and disappointed.

PovertyJetset · 03/08/2017 19:37

I don't get it either.

Why can't you take your child out with your DH for the day without them??

Sirzy · 03/08/2017 19:38

It was the OP who said they "might be bored" and basically doesn't care about the fact!

I'm all for encouraging children to take part in a wide range of activities- but the spend a holiday dragging them round being bored is going to achieve what exactly? Certainly won't encourage them to enjoy such activities when older will it!

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:38

Well I offer offered that and they were adamant my dds would prefer to stay with them :/ also a couple of years ago we went on a short break to London (incidentally the hotel had a pool) but my dds were perfectly happy to go and enjoy museums with me (the imperial war museum was amazing!) and we would just have a fun swim in the evening. You can do both!!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 03/08/2017 19:38

After your last post you definitely sound like an anxious mum. She's 6. Your dd will probably like culture just perhaps not yet. It's to be encouraged not forced.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/08/2017 19:39

Cross post. I was referring to the one of 19.33.

PovertyJetset · 03/08/2017 19:40

Sorry- they are telling you what your Dd wants?

I would be gone so fast, you would see dust!

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:41

Oh BTW it wasn't me who said they'd get bored it was them. Then I said, well clearly it will be fine these are castles after all, we can make something up!! And just got told they'd definitely get bored once we were half way there. They could have been honest from the start and said " it's either this or were not interested" but they didn't.

OP posts:
headhurtstoomuch · 03/08/2017 19:42

Who would get bored? Your children or your friends children?

PovertyJetset · 03/08/2017 19:43

You're being so weird!

You say- "well that's fine, we will meet you back here later on for dinner, we will use the car today and you guys can have it tomorrow"

Be assertive.

Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:44

All of them @headhurst. Then they changed to maybe mine would be fine...

OP posts:
Original poster
revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:45

I've tried to be assertive ie the restaurant today but they didn't care :/. Like I said it was fine to not want to go and do cultural things, but a warning would have been welcome before we set off for the day.

OP posts:
Cakesprinkles · 03/08/2017 19:46

And this is why we don't holiday with other people... i find going to theme parks with other families tricky enough trying to balance everyone's requirements, let alone a week away...

Kardashianlove · 03/08/2017 19:49

I'm really confused as to what the problem is.
Your friends want to stay by the pool and you want to go off and explore. Why can't you just go with your DD?

Unless you mean you want to go and explore but only if your friends come, which isn't fair on your friends.

Or do you mean your DD doesn't want to go, in which case it's nothing really do to with your friends. Could you not 'bribe' her with a treat/ice cream for going?
I remember being made to do cultural things when I was little and I hated it, I just wanted to stay by the pool/beach.

I let my DC do what they want to do on holiday, I find if they are happy I have a nicer time. I think I'll have years to do what I want to do when they are older.
I don't think bad of parents though who make DC do cultural things, I just couldn't be doing with the persuading to come/morning, etc! You need to decide whether it's worth it to you to get your DD to come.

headhurtstoomuch · 03/08/2017 19:50

Are you trying to force their children to go on cultural sightings so your own daughter will go? Why do you have to do everything together? Take your daughter and go on the cultural visit and meet them when you are back or not! You don't have to do everything together.

Allthebestnamesareused · 03/08/2017 19:51

You're being unreasonable by being on here complaining that another family want to spend their holiday how they want to. You're not being unreasonable in wanting the holiday you want.

The compromise position is that you each do your own thing separately sometimes - not you force them to do something they don't want to do. I

I agree with setting a rota for the car. Perhaps you, them, joint, you, them, joint.

Your child is 6. You say today we are spending family time together and go off and do your own thing (whatever that may be). If she moans about wanting to go swimming you explain there'll be time to do that as well afterwards.

As regards restaurants - if they want to go somewhere you consider "tacky" just say we'll meet you later and go to the restaurant you want. Or just suck it up and go with the flow.

In France you can go to the supermarket and experience a french feast of bread and cheese/pate etc for your at home meals.

You're on holiday - try to relax and go with the flow a bit - you might enjoy it.

MagdalenNoName · 03/08/2017 19:52

I don't see a lot of point going to another country simply in order to swim and eat fast food.

Why put yourself through the expense and the nightmare of aiport travel.

Yes, the weather might be warmer - but children burn easily. And there's usually some decent sunshine in the UK.

There only seems to be a point in going abroad if you do some genuinely 'abroad' things. Like eating different food and exploring different landscapes and showing children that life can be more various than it is in the UK.

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