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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

On trip with friends is so with parenting styles

266 replies

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 18:12

So I'm over in France with some very good friends but problems have finally arisen... It turns out they want to stay in the pool and I want to go out and explore. (we only have one car). But anyways the way I see it, the kids yes might get bored but at least they'd get some "culture" out of it. I was raised that way, and frankly I thank my parents for that. Other minor issue was that they chose a mega tacky restaurant for lunch that I really did t want to go, but there was no way I could change their mind and thought they could compromise. So yes AIBU for being annoyed with them?

OP posts:

category12 · 03/08/2017 18:44

You should have just taken your dd and gone and done what you wanted to, met up in the evenings. If you can't face a bit of initial moaning from your dd, you're being a bit of a wuss - she'd enjoy it once you got going.

At least you know for next time that you have very different holiday expectations to your friends, and best not tie yourself too closely to them if you ever do it again. Which I doubt either side will want to.

SometimesMaybe · 03/08/2017 18:46

Just back from hols with 7 and 5 year old. We did one "cultural" trip (which the kids moaned about). Visited a couple of churches out and about. And that was it. Spent the rest of the time in the pool because happy kids = happy parents. Holidays are different t when you have kids.
Swimming is a life skill, look on it that way ;)
(And no I would t want to visit a themed restaurant either but would have had this planned in advance!)

littlebird7 · 03/08/2017 18:47

So if you are going out exploring in the morning on your own why then do you have to drag everyone with you later on?

I love exploring and I don't like sitting by the pool or beach for long...I am always itching to see the sights and have an adventure, but I appreciate not everyone with me feels the same. So we compromise. We take it in turns choosing the activities for the day and restaurants for dinner, nor do I bore them to tears with their lack of cultural ambition/long stories about my day's sights (everyone holidays for different reasons) and some people go away to get away from culture etc because it is already part of their daily life/grind. Some love to simply switch off and completely wind down. Being made to feel guilty for this is not good at all...and they will hate you for it.

In future book all holidays for your family only and then you won't need to feel held back.

Mrscropley · 03/08/2017 18:48

Holidays with friends is a def no no from me after agreeing to go camping with 'friend +family' some years ago. . We had a caravan and they had a trailer tent....
We took a weeks shopping for our family.

Friend turned up with a cooked chicken. .
Rained all week - guess who ended up catering and housing 2 more adults and 3 more dc?

Witsender · 03/08/2017 18:50

Surely they're not pushing you to do anything, they're just at the pool and not physically stopping you going? A family holiday is about every member of it, so your 6 yr old should get a say too.

Witsender · 03/08/2017 18:51

And what has this got to do with parenting styles?

HorridHenrietta23 · 03/08/2017 18:52

Hire a second car.
Take it in turns to get the car.
Take it in turns to agree what you do.
Sit down and make a plan for the next couple of days that includes elements that are important to each of you.

You're friends, you're different but that's fine... Just work to find an amicable solution instead of squabbling and spoiling the holiday and potentially the friendship!

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/08/2017 18:55

Your dd is only 6. Give her the happy memories around the pool. There are plenty of years to explore culture. My dd is 9. She is now starting to want to explore a little more but is an active, sporty girl. So this year we are staying in a caravan at a camp site and going to Disney and will have a day at Versailles as she wants to see where Marie Antoinette lived because she saw the film. When she was 6 we took dd to Disney then Centre Parcs and a day in Paris and up the Eiffel Tower. However, had we been at a villa with friends, no way would dd have been ok to leave without her friends. Most of our holidays have been spent around the pool in all inclusive hotels. On a swimming pool holiday when she was 6, we took her to the zoo for the afternoon and she moaned every minute. The next year we went a bigger one and she loved it. You're sounding very anxious. Your dd will hate it and it will put her off exploring. Wait until she is ready is the best advice.

LetsSplashMummy · 03/08/2017 18:56

You need to own your own behaviour/ decisions. If you agree to the restaurant then you make the most of it once you are there. If you want to take DD somewhere, then do, parent her FFS, don't take it out on someone making a different choice. Don't be cool with people over your choices and ruin a holiday - seriously, you sound really hard work.

weemouse · 03/08/2017 18:56

I've got a feeling the Wild West restaurant you refer to is Buffalo Grill?

It's a chain but actually their burgers are fantastic, as are their ribs and tartare.

They also do some lovely big salads and I think just started doing fish and chips.

It's not tacky at all, very well priced for the quality of what you get.

LuLuuuuuuu · 03/08/2017 18:58

You seem to be running the holiday OP

I too went to museums and the stately homes as a kid and teen and most of it bored me . Was too nice to mention it to parents and they were, and are, great parents but it did bore me . Give me the pool anytime.

As for the disappointment re the restaurant once . Well shit happens.

longdaysandpleasantnights · 03/08/2017 19:01

My parents dragged me round 'cultural' sites when I was young, on one occasion my DSis and I were so bored we literally wanted to cry, 30 years later we still remember it. It just made me determined not to do that to my kids when we're on holiday.

There's plenty of time for culture when your DD is older and more likely to be interested in it.

And YABU if it was Buffalo Grill, I love their little crown/hat things.

BackforGood · 03/08/2017 19:03

YABU to not have talked about expectations / what you each like to do on holiday before agreeing to go on holiday together.
Neither of you are right / wrong in liking different things, but there is no way I'd want to spend half my holiday doing stuff I didn't want to do.
In this scenario 'compromise' would just mean no-one gets to do waht they really want to.

LeMesmer · 03/08/2017 19:04

I would stop trying to suggest your friends do other things when they clearly don't want to, and it sounds simply snobby of you to try and make them to 'cultural' things they have no interest in (OK, maybe you haven't been continually asking but I'm sure they know what you think).

There is no reason you can't take your daughter out in the morning to see things, and then have a few hours in the pool when you come back. That is what we often do. You are not restricted to doing just one thing every day.

As for the restaurant, come on, is it really such a big deal - one meal? It's hardly to be on your tombstone 'Here lies Revolution, forced to eat in a tacky restaurant'

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/08/2017 19:06

Oh of course buffalo grill. Again, yes, the choice of the restaurant is all about what the children will eat. You sound like a snob tbh. Id much rather stay in 5* hotels than a caravan park and hang around and eat in plush restaurants, take in a few sights but my dd isn't into that sort of thing yet.

se22mother · 03/08/2017 19:11

My holidays as a child were spent exploring museums etc. I choose to lay by a pool all day with dd. No upholding of tradition. Yabu

LeMesmer · 03/08/2017 19:14

Buffalo Grill is very French OP

Moocherbot · 03/08/2017 19:17

Ah, was it Buffalo Grill? I do like a Buffalo Grill, and I like to sing that they go Round the Outside because they are usually outside a town. Because they are quite tacky, yes. But not all French people like to eat at fancy bistros every day either, that's why they have Buffalo Grills. It's a cultural lesson in itself.

Questioningeverything · 03/08/2017 19:19

Honestly I'm with the majority op.

You seem like the trip pain, just from what you've said. When my dc are old enough, our first holiday (and likely subsequent ones too) will have the following requirements:
Warm weather
Pool
Water park
All inclusive

The rest is incidental. Fun is made along the way. Little kids don't want culture, they want to splash about and eat ice cream

Original poster

revolution909 · 03/08/2017 19:23

I do both types of holidays! My daughter gets to go to an Ai pretty much once a year and then we stay there the whole time. Also how ami being unreasonable when I haven't made them anything I want to? We said we would go to "x" in the car, DH started moaning (because of our lack of planning) and them tried to do something they actually wanted to do. I have done zero things that were on my list as a family so to speak. I always had a mix of things when on holidays (I remember very fondly a holiday where I spent some days in a pool and some days exploring and I was actually 5!) the different parenting is that they dont think kids enjoy culture at all, I think they definitely can!

OP posts:

milliemolliemou · 03/08/2017 19:24

OP - sounds as if you should have discussed it before you went and consulted your good friends and made it interesting for them - and if they still said "no, that museum/castle/stunning view isn't for us" or "no, we don't eat local food and want to eat in a good chain" you could have either not gone on the holiday or just said - can we take the car for a couple of mornings/eat out somewhere separately on different evenings.

I don't think you're a snob for wanting to enjoy what the country you're visiting offers and showing it to your DD, but you're a numpty for not sorting it out before.

cardibach · 03/08/2017 19:26

I agree the OP had options she doesn't seem to have taken, but I'm finding all the 'culture is boring', 'dragging kids around boring archeological sites' posts more than a bit depressing. I enjoyed 'culture' as a child and so did my DD - she's currently interrailing with friends, choosing to 'do culture' because she fubds it more interesting than lying by a pool ( and always has). I can't think of anything worse than sitting around all day.

MillieMollieMandi · 03/08/2017 19:27

Oooh I love buffalo grill! 😄

GuineaGin · 03/08/2017 19:29

Oh dear, if most of you want to sit by the pool, what's the point of the plane tickets and the whole expense of visiting another country? Maybe you should stay back home and go to the local pool instead, much cheaper that way. Kids don't magically start enjoying visits to museums, you have to actually take them there and actually inspire them.

GuineaGin · 03/08/2017 19:29

Haha I used the word actually twice, apologies

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