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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think step mum shouldn't sit at top table at DD's wedding?

162 replies

BrownJenkins · 02/08/2017 20:54

DD is getting married in September. She want's her dad's wife to be seated at the top table. Groom's side will have 6 people, our side will have 7.
There's never been any animosity between my ex husband, his now wife and myself. I just feel she shouldn't be seated at the top table.
I never remarried, don't even have a partner, but if I did, he wouldn't get to sit there either.
This is supposed to be a traditional wedding btw.

Am I wrong?

OP posts:
thekillers · 02/08/2017 20:56

Is he paying for the wedding?

dun1urkin · 02/08/2017 20:56

Yes you're wrong, but it's understandable that you're upset.
Their wedding, their rules

ILoveGrammar0 · 02/08/2017 20:57

Yes, you're wrong. You don't get to decide on their wedding.

Moanyoldcow · 02/08/2017 20:58

Yes. Top tables are an utter nonsense and no fun for anyone.

I think that the bride and groom probably have loads of people giving them grief. How does this affect you? Not at all.

BossyBitch · 02/08/2017 20:58

Surely this is your DD's choice to make, along with her fiancé?

On a side note, all these recent wedding drama threads have me utterly convinced that, were I ever to get married a second time, it'd have to be a strictly registry office followed by drinks at a nice pub kind of affair.

BlueNeighbourhood · 02/08/2017 20:59

YABU her wedding, her rules.

Even though you say there's no animosity, if sounds like there is on some level. If there wasn't why would this be such an issue for you? Modern families are more prevalent these days, myself I'd just be happy she likes her Step Mum enough to want her at the top table.

emochild · 02/08/2017 20:59

How long has she been step mum?

Makes a difference IMO

debbs77 · 02/08/2017 20:59

Agree with others. Guess it depends how involved she has been in your daughter's life

TheIncredibleBookEatingManchot · 02/08/2017 20:59

She wants her dad's wife to be seated at the top table

It's your daughter's wedding, if it doesn't matter to her or her fiancé about being "traditional" then they don't have to be traditional, and if there's no animosity between you and your ex and his wife then you should be capable of sitting together at a table if it makes your daughter happy.

AtHomeDadGlos · 02/08/2017 20:59

YABU. It's nice that your DD and her SM get on so well. It's a shame that you still harbour resentment (despite your claim, I doubt you'd feel this way if you didn't feel bad for some reason).

Try to be pleased that the three of you have raised a person who wants to include you all in her day.

PinkHeart5911 · 02/08/2017 21:00

Well it's your dd wedding and she wants her on the top table so yabu.

You are just going to have to deal with it

chitofftheshovel · 02/08/2017 21:00

Dear life! Your daughter wants her to sit there, so she bloody well sits there. I actually don't get what it has to do with you.

WatchingFromTheWings · 02/08/2017 21:01

YABU. It's their wedding, they decide. I had my dad and stepdad on top table when I married.

SpartacusSaiman · 02/08/2017 21:01

Its your dds wedding. She has decided her step mum will be there. Thats the end of it.

Top tables have all sorts of combinations these days. Get over it.

chinam · 02/08/2017 21:01

I think (unless there is a back story) that you are being unreasonable but I can see why this might upset you. I hope you can enjoy your daughter's wedding.

AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 02/08/2017 21:01

Not your wedding, not your call

manglethedangle · 02/08/2017 21:01

You don't get to decide.

You say there's no animosity, but there will be if you insist on this.

We had my dad, his current gf, DH's dad, me, DH, my mum and mums current partner then DHs mum. To have left out people so significant in my parents life would have been horrible in my opinion. I don't actually like or either partner, but you suck it up.

GandalfsWrinklyHat · 02/08/2017 21:01

Sorry to say but yabu, her decision and it makes you look petty.

talonofthehawk · 02/08/2017 21:01

Not your wedding, not your rules.
Don't be THAT person.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 02/08/2017 21:01

YABU. Her wedding. Her choice.

ifyoulikepinacolada · 02/08/2017 21:01

I'm sorry but I think YABU. And if you had a partner they should be on the top table too!

Owl1011 · 02/08/2017 21:02

YABU - it's not your choice and she is clearly considered part of the family by your DD.

cowbag1 · 02/08/2017 21:02

I had a similar issue at my wedding and personally chose to have my parents' partners on tables with my parent's respective families, leaving my mum and dad free to sit on the top table in a traditional seating plan layout. Everyone was happy with this (my step mum suggested it) and I didn't want attention to be drawn to my parents being separated for once in my life .

Could it be pressure from her dad or his wife to do this? Is your DD happy with it?

Greggers2017 · 02/08/2017 21:03

My sister had her dad and my dad, her step dad walk her down the aisle! It was lovely

gegs73 · 02/08/2017 21:03

As a child of divorced parents who have never stopped hating each other, give your child an easy time and go with what they want. I am still annoyed/angry about the fuss both my parents kicked up about top tables, who was giving me away etc etc, completely selfish and sucking the enjoyment out of my day. 15 years later it still makes me think of them in a slightly different light (selfish).