To think step mum shouldn't sit at top table at DD's wedding?

[BrownJenkins]

DD is getting married in September. She want's her dad's wife to be seated at the top table. Groom's side will have 6 people, our side will have 7.
There's never been any animosity between my ex husband, his now wife and myself. I just feel she shouldn't be seated at the top table.
I never remarried, don't even have a partner, but if I did, he wouldn't get to sit there either.
This is supposed to be a traditional wedding btw.

Am I wrong?

My MIL demanded that my lovely Stepmum and step dad (who incidentally both contributed financially with my parents, not that it give them any rights over the wedding planning anyway) should not get a place at the top table as it would outnumber them. I gave her and FiL the option to divorce and get new partners in time for the wedding to even things up. They declined my offer and shut the hell up.

Do NOT tell your DD what to do with her wedding. It ruins the whole planning experience, everyone telling you how it should be done to suit them. Why do so many people think they should dictate how someone else's event is planned? Would you tell the birthday boy's mum to have a My Little pony cake instead of Paw Patrol because that's what your invited child prefers? Course not. So why do people say how a wedding should be.

I get how you feel op when you imagine your daughters wedding you always imagine been actively involved than you might be if it your sons wedding and have a important role on the day as mother of the bride so I can understand it would be difficult to have to share some of that role with a step mother. You sound lovely and taken the points made in the chin.

RTFT RTFT RTFT RTFT
This is getting like cancel the cheque....

Oh stop with the RTFT...it's so annoying. I don't want to RTFT....7 pages about a top table! If I want to reply about the original message I will do.

Then all you need to read is the Op's updates. She accepted she was being unreasonable yesterday.

Oh stop with the RTFT...it's so annoying. I don't want to RTFT....7 pages about a top table! If I want to reply about the original message I will do

Have you highlighted the OPs posts? I can see not wanting to read the whole thread but it's useful to read the OPs posts.

Not RTFT

But you still felt you had to chime in.
Yeah because when first reading it it riled my feathers up after 12 hours of no sleep, sickness, and flashbcks to how horrible it was for me to have to defend my own choices about my wedding.

@BrownJenkins I've just come back to reread the thread (after 5 hours of sleep) and do apologise for being hasty to reply. I'm glad you're accepting your DD's choices and wishes.. It's more than my mum ever did and I know she'll be thankful to you. As will step mum if you make her feel welcome. Mine (who has always been more of a parent to me anyway) could feel the hatred and venom coming from my mother and in the end refused help me because she didn't want my mum going on a rampage. She was more worried about making things wore for me which was heartbreaking. So I'm glad you'll be trying with the Step Mum. It honestly does make a difference.
Again, sorry for the hasty reply.

I gave her and FiL the option to divorce and get new partners in time for the wedding to even things up. They declined my offer and shut the hell up.

DeadDoorpost, I'm so very sorry my AIBU has caused you distress.
I had no intentions of upsetting anybody here.
I'm sure I came across as being cold and unfeeling.
Please accept my apologies.

BrownJenkins I'm sure your DD will appreciate your willingness to make the day right for her. As a step-parent and the 'child' of divorced parents I agree it is a lovely thing to do. I wish my parents would behave better at the very occasional family events that happen for my sisters and I.

When my DB married SIL, there were 3 lots of parents on the 'top table'. Her parents had split up and both remarried, Our parents are still married. It's you that has a problem to cope with; even if it's hard for you please don't make into something to potentially ruin your DD's day...

Scribblegirl, I think it's very strange behaviour to have an empty chair for a dead parent at a wedding. Has your DP had bereavement counselling for his loss? It sounds like he hasn't moved forward if his father died a few years ago. One of my DCs got married last year and we mentioned her late father during the speech but wouldn't have dreamed of having a space for him at the top table!

Op, I'm sure that you'll all have a lovely day in September. It's good that you've thought about the seating plan in advance.