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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids not allowed - AIBU?

496 replies

SlaggyTwoShoes · 01/08/2017 12:21

Very happy to be told I'm BU but please go gentle if I've somehow been doing things wrong here!!

I've just been turned away from my appointment at clinic where I've been having laser hair removal...because I had my kids with me. It's a 10 minute procedure which I've been having a course of over months so I've always left them (either one or both) sitting on the chairs in reception with my phone to watch tv (very quietly) or pencils and colouring pads. They never run around or misbehave as they've done this a lot - I'm a single mum and have previously lived abroad with them so often haven't had anyone to watch them and just had to bring them with me everywhere.

This clinic is nationwide (uk) and I've been to various locations for a couple of other (quick) procedures and left the kids in reception (the reception is always very quiet and receptionists always offer to keep an eye). I know it's not ideal but figured it's just what people do. Have I got this totally wrong?? This is the first time I've ever been told it's not okay, but it's the first time I've brought them to this particular clinic location. They told me I could leave the kids sitting in the costa coffee opposite (obviously I was never going to do that!) or get someone to watch them...which is going to be really tricky for me. I can't see why I can't leave them sitting safely in their reception for 10 mins like I've always done. So AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 23:26

@WhatToDoAboutThis2017, thank you for making that clear. I think the majority of parents do our best though. There are those who don't seem to care what their kids do, as long as they don't get disturbed.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 03/08/2017 23:27

thank you for making that clear. I think the majority of parents do our best though. There are those who don't seem to care what their kids do, as long as they don't get disturbed.

Yeah, I do apologise you thought that was aimed at you. I was just venting about parents not supervising their kids and signs having to be put up to tell them to do so.

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 23:59

I think it has more to do with the more litigious society we have now, parents who sue companies when accidents happen rather than taking responsibility for their own mistakes. That's where these notices come from, it has to be spelt out!!

LML83 · 04/08/2017 05:53

My 7 year old could be trusted to sit and behave for 10 mins. I thought the kids were going to be 3 or 4. But at 6 and 7 you know if you can leave them or not. YANBU. I can only assume the receptionist had had a bad experience it seems ott to not allow them to sit and wait.

monkeymamma · 04/08/2017 08:33

Aw, I feel for the OP. It's not easy being on your own. Take a friend next time OP - they can sit with kids in Costa and you'll buy them a coffee to say thanks 😁 You probably feel like you don't have anyone you can ask - but go on, give it a go. You might be surprised. If you were my friend I'd be pleased to help - cos I'd know that I could turn to you in an emergency, too!

ladyinka · 05/08/2017 00:24

I get you OP and think YANBU, especially if you lived abroad before. I grew up in a country where it is fully appreciated that it takes a village to raise a child, so people would actually find it weird if you even thought that wider community would not step in informally to keep an eye on the little ones in similar circumstances (btw, that view would also include stepping in and correcting bad behaviour of youngsters in public space if their parents are not available - something I'm still prone to do despite living in the UK for 15 years now!) I'm also very blessed that my 7yo DS is a quiet, well behaved and generally impeccably mannered child so never had an issue taking my eyes off him for 10 minutes if I really had to. I know the general MN opinion differs to mine in your case - please don't get too upset about it, chalk it up to experience and cross-cultural learning;)

pinkstripeycat · 06/08/2017 10:35

So many people on MN don't seem to be able to disagree with any OPs without being really nasty. When my husband changed jobs and worked away I HAD to take my children everywhere with me. I had no family nearby and my nearest friends were a 40 min drive away. When you leave your children in a reception area you are not expecting anyone to look after them at all. In this instance if the mother was needed the receptionist can just knock and say the mother is needed - I hardly thing that's a receptionist being responsible. For those of you who think it is making the receptionist responsible how disgustingly terrible and shocking for a mother to need a little help - what is the world coming to when one person can't offer another a little support

MuvaWifey77 · 06/08/2017 11:20

"Leaving them there is not expecting them to be looked after "
As some people have said here, if you're ok with a stranger taking your child away why not ?!

And I don't think is disgusting or terrible because a mother needs a little help... it's work policy and in a clinical environment kids can't just be left unsupervised. If you can't afford to get them looked after for 1 hour so you can pop out and have your treatment then don't have the treatment or look for a clinic where policy allows kids unsupervised. Not rocket science 🙄

Neutrogena · 06/08/2017 11:22

Send them to Costa with a fiver. They will be fine.

MuvaWifey77 · 06/08/2017 11:23

Ps:. also not about lack of support for one another. If I was the owner of these clinics I would definitely lower the age where children can be left alone in waiting area. But it's work. Not some sort of community centre. You follow rules to avoid being liable for things. Let's have some maturity.

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:04

When my husband changed jobs and worked away I HAD to take my children everywhere with me

No you didn't. You chose to bring them to places you didn;t have to go to. And you chose not to employ someone else to do it.

Piratesandpants · 06/08/2017 12:10

To summarise, new rules of life according to mumsnet. Librarians should take responsibility for people's children. Receptionists should not. Confused

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:11

To summarise, new rules of life according to mumsnet. Librarians should take responsibility for people's children. Receptionists should not. confused

Stupid summary. There is no "according to MN", its thousands of different people with differing opinions. Why can;t so many of you grasp that?

Piratesandpants · 06/08/2017 12:15

abig - as a regular user of the site there are definitely themes and trends in thinking that emerge.

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:16

No, you decide that there are themes and trends, based on your limited interaction and your own biases.

Piratesandpants · 06/08/2017 12:19

Abig - this is a discussion forum. You are likely to interact with with people with different views and perceptions to yourself. That's the whole point. 'Stupid post' means you don't agree with me. You don't sound too bright yourself. Hmm

abigcupoffuckyou · 06/08/2017 12:21

I said stupid summary. Because you can't summarise in that way, it isn't accurate.

And imagining you can gauge my IQ from pointing out your own failure of thinking is even sillier Hmm

nina2b · 06/08/2017 12:26

Today 12:19 Piratesandpants

Abig - this is a discussion forum. You are likely to interact with with people with different views and perceptions to yourself. That's the whole point. 'Stupid post' means you don't agree with me. You don't sound too bright yourself. hmm

So it is fine and dandy to castigate someone else for being rude but to be just as rude yourself? (See you last sentence, for reference, if you are at all confused.)

HTH

Refilona · 06/08/2017 12:33

YANBU.
People seem to forget we're people, not robots. It's not all about liability, responsibility and other -ities but sometimes it's just about being a human being and helping each other out. In this case it's not even a complex request at all, you're seconds away and it's a 10 minute wait. I wouldn't have them sitting in Costa, I've had weirdos try and chat me up and make me uncomfortable in Costa before and I'm in my 30s!

TheweewitchRoz · 06/08/2017 13:13

Op, FWIW, I agree with dancergirl & deadgood & think you've been given a hard time totally unnecessarily. I'm assuming you're in England as there's such a peculiar attitude to children here that's horrible - im used to it now, but when I go home (Ireland) & see how we're treated (with 3 DCs) I feel sad that England now is so intolerant to DCs.

I imagine it's as others have pointed out to the suing / liability culture now but it's still very sad. I'm not even sure if that is the reason as it's very different in the US (king of litigation!) as where I lived, what you described would have been fine.

Anyway, hope you managed to get your treatment (what's PCOS?).

Piratesandpants · 06/08/2017 13:39

Nina - I'm not just going to take a comment like that. Oh the irony on a forum where women are always being told to stand up for themselves. I deliberately have as good as I got.

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