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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids not allowed - AIBU?

496 replies

SlaggyTwoShoes · 01/08/2017 12:21

Very happy to be told I'm BU but please go gentle if I've somehow been doing things wrong here!!

I've just been turned away from my appointment at clinic where I've been having laser hair removal...because I had my kids with me. It's a 10 minute procedure which I've been having a course of over months so I've always left them (either one or both) sitting on the chairs in reception with my phone to watch tv (very quietly) or pencils and colouring pads. They never run around or misbehave as they've done this a lot - I'm a single mum and have previously lived abroad with them so often haven't had anyone to watch them and just had to bring them with me everywhere.

This clinic is nationwide (uk) and I've been to various locations for a couple of other (quick) procedures and left the kids in reception (the reception is always very quiet and receptionists always offer to keep an eye). I know it's not ideal but figured it's just what people do. Have I got this totally wrong?? This is the first time I've ever been told it's not okay, but it's the first time I've brought them to this particular clinic location. They told me I could leave the kids sitting in the costa coffee opposite (obviously I was never going to do that!) or get someone to watch them...which is going to be really tricky for me. I can't see why I can't leave them sitting safely in their reception for 10 mins like I've always done. So AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
MissAlligned · 02/08/2017 23:16

what you are appearing to be an alarmist, over-thinking, drama queen.

Of course I wouldn't have blamed the receptionist! They are my children.

But they wouldn't have gone off with a stranger. And if a weirdo had come in for their dentist appointment then decided to try and abduct my children instead they would have screamed blue murder. I would have come out, the receptionist would have stood up, the nice man in his suit would have stood inbetween the weirdo and my children, the old lady would have called 999 and the weirdo would have fallen down the stairs trying to escape. This is what normal people of normal niceness would have done without a second thought. That is how most people function.

You're being deliberately obtuse and totally ridiculous.

Wishithoughtbeforeispeak · 02/08/2017 23:20

Oh my goodness knows what my local salon thinks of me then! I have been taking my now 4 year old with me since he was a baby and have always had him in the room with me whilst having a eyebrow and lip wax an approx 15 /20 mins treatment. He sits on the chair and talks to me or stands and holds my hand whilst I have it done to as he says look after me if it's school holidays my older child comes too I've never been told that it's a problem to asked if I can leave them and on the odd occasion I have left them with my partner or mum the girls ask after my children! Guess that's what comes of living in a small rural city thinking about it my mums taken my children to the same salon with her on the odd occasion when she's had a booking and them had to have the children at short notice! We must be very lucky that they don't mind 😊

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/08/2017 23:23

Tricky one but why are so many of you being so harsh. She's a single mum and may not be able to arrange childcare for that length of time. She has judged that for 10 minutes her children can sit there with a tablet. They know where their mum is if they need her. I know if I'd done that with my son he'd never have moved. However wouldn't have done that in a million years with my daughter. I think I may worry about a stranger coming in although I think in those places it's a buzzer in system so not free for all. Also the receptionist is not chained to her desk so may have to go off in which case they'd be left unattended. To those of you saying the kids should wait in Costa seriously how ridiculously irresponsible. Far worse than sitting in a private reception.

LadyOfPleisure · 02/08/2017 23:29

So, what if the receptionist had to nip the the loo, out to the post office, go to the archives in the basement (or whereever) and felt she couldnt, because there were random kids she had to keep an eye on?

It does not matter what your kids do or dont do, or how you expect your kids to behave, or whether the receptionist is EXPECTED to mind them. What matters is that the receptionist feels pushed into doing so, because she cannot bring herself to say no to a paying customer, and it is beyond her remit or responsibility.

Imagine this: My friend just dumping her kids on my doorstep and swanning off. I would HAVE to take responsibility for them, and it would prevent me from doing things I had planned. I would be beyond pissed off if she arrogantly just said "Oh no, I did not mean you to mind them, there were just supposed to sit on your doorstep for a little bit, they would be no bother at all they had books to read, and of course you could proceed as you had planned"

Really? I could go to the hairdressers leaving your kids sitting on my doorstep?

PinkPanther27 · 02/08/2017 23:29

I bought a hair removal device to use at home as I never have the opportunity to go to appointments like this, it's a struggle to get to a hair appointment!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/08/2017 23:31

I think the attitude toward mothers these days is shocking. it's like one upmanship martyrdom. "I would never have a beauty appt with my child only if my teeth were falling out". How disgusting that a receptionist in an enclosed area should keep an eye on my child for 10 minutes. They should be paid extra. What on earth is wrong with doing a regular customer a favour fgs. No biggie if they don't mind.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/08/2017 23:34

lady hardly the same example. The receptionist either says yes it's no problem or I'm sorry I can't do that as I am probably going to need to leave the desk. Simples.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 23:35

what you are appearing to be an alarmist, over-thinking, drama queen.

Nope. You are a naive, slack parent.

LadyOfPleisure · 02/08/2017 23:43

Simples? I don think so. Not everybody are as assertive. Not everybody knows what to do when put on the spot and, encountering a situation not mentioned in the "staff handbook".

MissAlligned · 02/08/2017 23:44

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Yep. Bet my blood pressure is healthier than yours though.

I said... I BET MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS HEALTHIER THAN YOURS [shouts really loud so what can hear me way up high on her Best Parent pedestal]

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/08/2017 23:45

I have to say it wouldn't be something I would feel comfortable doing myself but I also think it's sad if we live in a society where things are like this and we need to be scared to death about everything and can't and won't help each other. Reminds me of the woman on the plane alone with an upset baby and only one person offered to help everyone else gave her such a hard time. Be kind to each other, don't beat each other up. The OP asked for opinions, most of the opinions were not helpful, but plain nasty.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 02/08/2017 23:46

Lady sounds like jobsworth behaviour if you can't be that assertive then you shouldn't work on reception.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 23:47

Debateable. Had my blood pressure checked last week; it's fine, but thanks for your concern Grin

And yes, you really should shout. It is hard to hear you up here Wink

LadyOfPleisure · 02/08/2017 23:47

Well, the receptionist in question was clearly assertive enough, to ops astonishment.

MissAlligned · 02/08/2017 23:51

what I feel like I know you - did you have a similar reaction to a thread about teeth brushing a few years ago? I mentioned putting my DCs in a headlock and someone most likely you accused me of child abuse.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 02/08/2017 23:54

MissAlligned Nope. As it stands on the teethbrushing, it's important to take care of your children's teeth. If you have to hold them down and force it upon them, so be it.

JustMe77 · 02/08/2017 23:55

I've certainly not judged anyone. Years ago I used to take my first 2 daughters with me to get my nails done (very different set up to a clinic though) and I'd let them have their toes painted and decorated with flowers while they waited (much to my mother's horror). I highlighted the policy issues because it's a possibility they've only recently been made aware of them and having worked in Clinics I've had to be the bad guy who tells clients they can't have their treatments that day with children in tow ..I was offering up possible explanations.

Howlongtilldinner · 03/08/2017 00:14

Difficult one this. Personally, I wouldn't leave my DC at that age out of my sight for long. However, if I did decide to leave them in reception, then I would hold nobody else responsible should an accident etc occur.

How would you feel OP, if you came out of your appointment and the receptionist had gone home/out to lunch, and the DC were sitting alone? Nobody is responsible for them except you, and if you're willing to take a risk, then you must accept the consequences.

SteppingOnToes · 03/08/2017 01:45

Chairs in the waiting room are for waiting customers not children. Any other argument is irrelevant - why should someone stand so that unaccompanied children can sit? What if everyone brought their kids?

Diaply · 03/08/2017 02:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MistressDeeCee · 03/08/2017 04:13

Be kind to each other, don't beat each other up. The OP asked for opinions, most of the opinions were not helpful, but plain nasty

^ YY

Im thinking some people must be really miserable inside. Pages and pages of spite. You'd think OP left DCs to hang around outside the salon waiting for her. Even if you agree for 10 mins the receptionist shouldn't be responsible for child minding, theres' no need to be so hatefully harsh about it is there. Nobody is perfect. 17 bloody pages - wow.

Good to see some people with empathy here even when disagreeing. Those are the people to be around in life, harsh n hateful is a bitch

aurynne · 03/08/2017 04:37

What could happen in 10 minutes?

One of the children may want to go to the toilet.
The kids may get into a fight with one another as brothers often do.
The children may see a puppy outside of the window and want to go out to pat it.
One of the children may choke on a lolly.
Another client may come in with a child of her own who is not as well behaved, and said child try to steal one of the OP children's tablet.

All relatively likely scenarios which would require another adult to intervene and take responsibility of the OP's children.

falange · 03/08/2017 06:56

Annieannimouse I wasn't being nasty. People have laser hair removal on all parts of their bodies. I haven't noticed the OP saying it was for her face. My point was that taking your children along for an beauty appointment is different from taking them to a medical appt.

Mummadeeze · 03/08/2017 07:10

I would have assumed it was fine to do that too. Leaving them in Costa is a ridiculous suggestion. I would probably have asked for them to sit in the room where I was having the treatment done on their iPads if they said no to reception. If they said no to this, I would take them to another clinic. I doubt many would mind. I take my daughter to everything with me because I don't have help. Shocked by how many people's responses.

Original poster
SlaggyTwoShoes · 03/08/2017 08:18

WhatToDo - drivel. If said paedophile / child abductor had suddenly decided to try a new tactic and try the tucked away medical clinic where apparently NO ONE EVER takes their children in the hope of randomly finding one or two unattended and happened to enter the building within the 10 minute window (actually it was 3 in my case - I timed it) he would very likely have been asked how he could be helped by one of the many girls/ladies that were on reception because it was empty and he would be very noticeable. He would have had to have walked past them and onto where my children were and by this stage I think one of these ladies might have asked him what he was doing. If he'd snatched them (kicking and screaming because that's what they've been taught) then I would have run out to see what was happening.

If it's an insurance issue with this clinic then of course I'll abide by that.

Chairs in the waiting room are for waiting customers not children. Any other argument is irrelevant - why should someone stand so that unaccompanied children can sit? What if everyone brought their kids?

^^ It's this kind of attitude that I'm talking about - children barely being tolerated in public. I am sure you feel right in saying what you've just said, but why? I've lived all over the world and children are welcomed, encouraged, acknowledged and treated with respect. That mean spirited matronly attitude where children are nothing but a nuisance to be seen and not heard is very specific to this country and it's horrible. Tight lipped grumpy women generally tutting at any sound made and desperate to judge other mothers on their 'slack parenting' in order to feel superior. I've seen it countless times, and experienced it myself when I first LTB and came back here. We were literally homeless for a while living out of a suitcase and it was the worst time of my life. My kids were traumatised and in culture shock and the lack of compassion when I was struggling to hold it together and really needed a bit of empathy brought me to tears regularly. That attitude is stressful for parents and frightening / upsetting for children. I hate it and it's the biggest disappointment in coming back to live here. And it's the kind of attitude I've experienced again on here - people looking to be mean because they feel a mother is a perfect punching bag. Nice.

OP posts: