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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids not allowed - AIBU?

496 replies

SlaggyTwoShoes · 01/08/2017 12:21

Very happy to be told I'm BU but please go gentle if I've somehow been doing things wrong here!!

I've just been turned away from my appointment at clinic where I've been having laser hair removal...because I had my kids with me. It's a 10 minute procedure which I've been having a course of over months so I've always left them (either one or both) sitting on the chairs in reception with my phone to watch tv (very quietly) or pencils and colouring pads. They never run around or misbehave as they've done this a lot - I'm a single mum and have previously lived abroad with them so often haven't had anyone to watch them and just had to bring them with me everywhere.

This clinic is nationwide (uk) and I've been to various locations for a couple of other (quick) procedures and left the kids in reception (the reception is always very quiet and receptionists always offer to keep an eye). I know it's not ideal but figured it's just what people do. Have I got this totally wrong?? This is the first time I've ever been told it's not okay, but it's the first time I've brought them to this particular clinic location. They told me I could leave the kids sitting in the costa coffee opposite (obviously I was never going to do that!) or get someone to watch them...which is going to be really tricky for me. I can't see why I can't leave them sitting safely in their reception for 10 mins like I've always done. So AIBU or are they?

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/08/2017 08:21

I would probably have asked for them to sit in the room where I was having the treatment done on their iPads if they said no to reception

Which if you RTFT you would see that due to lasers being used isn't possible!

Shocked by how many people's responses.

Shocked? Really? Why because receptionists aren't responsible for looking after your DC?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/08/2017 08:25

That mean spirited matronly attitude where children are nothing but a nuisance to be seen and not heard is very specific to this country and it's horrible

No it really really isn't nor is it the case.

If you want to blame anything blame those that sue at the drop of a hat, or those that think their DC are angels, where in fact they really aren't, or those that take the piss.

The receptionist isn't responsible for your DC and whatever way you want to cut It, if you leave them in reception then that is exactly what you are making them.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/08/2017 08:35

Here you go.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/1399334/chilling-cctv-shows-man-trying-to-kidnap-girl-4-just-feet-from-her-mother/amp/

Apologies for the sun website. I originally saw this on Facebook.
Yes it's America. Yes he's clearly crazy. But we have crazy people here too
And it happens surprisingly often. In the last school year, our school has sent out three police warnings of men trying to entice children into cars etc. So it's hardly drivel

Op - no one is being mean to mothers. I think there may be a disparity from what you're reading as to what's meant.
I'm not sure how you consider yourself to be a punching bag. People have just said you can't assume a company and/or receptionist are happy to assume responsibility, even if you are not explicitly asking for their help

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 03/08/2017 08:47

OP, it happens, as per link above. It's rare, but why take the chance with your children's lives?

It doesn't have to be a child abductor. Could be a fire, an explosion, they could quite easily wonder off no matter how well behaved you believe them to be.

The receptionist is not your unpaid babysitter and that's what you are making her if you dump your kids like that.

I'm so glad they refused you and you've seen all the replies to this thread; hopefully you'll think twice next time.

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 08:51

@aurynne, children of 6 and 7 are not going to choke on a lolly! And even when they were younger they would hardly have been given one anyway!

As for the toilet, she would have taken them before the appointment.

My two would potentially bicker, which would be very annoying for other people waiting for appointments.

The other thing children of that age could do would be to try and follow their mum, but the op's children are used to waiting in the reception area and the op has said they're well behaved.

I wouldn't do this myself, but I do have other easy options, the op clearly doesn't.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/08/2017 08:57

Mittens - I trust my 5 year old. She has been known to sit quietly for an hour at a time reading. I know she would be no trouble.

Earlier this year she tripped reaching for a glass of water. She bit her tongue halfway through. Blood everywhere and an ambulance trip to a&e

She's very reliable. Never any trouble. But shit happens.

The answer to the question 'what can happen in ten minutes' is - everything and nothing. You just don't know.

And while the op and several other posters are happy taking this risk (that's cool, not being judgey!) the company and/or receptionist aren't. It's their premises. Their rules.

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 09:03

I wouldn't do it, as I said!

I know about the bad things that can happen, believe me! I was that traumatised kid, shit happened to me! I would worry about my 8 year old wandering off with someone, not my 5 year old old, strangely, as she's wary of strangers.

Other scenarios you mention could as easily happen at home when the parent is in the bathroom, we're talking 10 minutes, that's all!

It's called risk assessment. We make decisions and live by them. Unless a parent can follow a child around, there are no 100% guarantees.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/08/2017 09:06

That's fine if they happen at home. The point is - the company/receptionist don't want them to happen on THEIR property.

Of course anything can happen. At any time.

But the company are well within their rights to say - not on our watch!

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 09:09

Abduction would be a massive risk for someone with dubious intentions. But someone could win a child's trust while the mummy was out of earshot and then approach them later. Or it could even be someone the child knows.

Those thoughts would be in my mind, I'm afraid.

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 09:10

@aaaaargghhhhelpme, no need to argue with me about it, I wouldn't do it, as I've said!!!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/08/2017 09:14

Mittens - haha. I know. Smile not arguing I promise!

To be honest it's not even a case of would/wouldn't do it. I don't get why the op and other posters think this is anti-mothers for saying it?!

The clinic has probably done their own risk assessment for unsupervised minors and decided it's not worth the risk of a potential accident, reporting to the HSENI and potential litigious parents. I know I would...!

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 09:21

Some of the posters were rude, and it sounds like this op has had things difficult and is struggling with no family support, and on her own.

I'm quite surprised that the other clinics have allowed her to leave her kids in the reception area in the past. It sounds to me as though the company have tightened up their policy, which is good.

I was also rather shocked at earlier posters suggesting leaving the children at Costa Coffee, that would be a definite abduction risk in my book! And could also lead to social services intervention, rightly so.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/08/2017 09:36

Oh I think the costa suggestion actually came from the clinic. They suggested it as an alternative to them staying in reception (but yes crazy idea....no way would I send DC over the road!)

I have every sympathy for the situation, but the op said up thread (I think when she was accusing me of being judgey!) that she didn't want to ask family and friends - which makes me think she's not entirely alone.

Plus it's summer holidays - there are some really cool things on for kids. Yes they cost but Imo if you are going somewhere you can't take your kids you need to factor that in.

I think the point many people made is that it's not an emergency. I've taken my DC in to see the Drs. But they're never left alone.
This is something she has made an appointment for. She knows it's happening. And she knows they can't be in the room with her. For that, I would always look at organising some childcare.

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 09:42

Me too, that's what I would do. There are always activities clubs, and you I would plan my own appointment needs around those.

She didn't do that because she was expecting to be able to leave her kids in the waiting area, now she knows she can't.

Most such places have notices that say, 'Please supervise your children at all times.'

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 03/08/2017 09:47

Yes I'm very surprised it's not made explicitly clear when booking/signs in reception.

Maybe they've never had people turn up with kids before?! I don't know - clutching at straws there!

elfinpre · 03/08/2017 11:02

You are absolutely right, OP. This thread has shown up the utter dog-end of MN. As well as a Classics folder there ought to be a Shameful folder where threads like this can go, as an example of how not to post on MN. Insomuch as AIBU isn't that already of course...

nina2b · 03/08/2017 11:08

YABU. Such places, I presume, will have a calm, adult atmosphere. Children drawing - or whatever - are going to detract from that.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 11:11

Thinking parents accept that not everywhere should be accessible to their children.

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2017 11:12

Don't be such a drama queen, elfin. People are allowed to have differing opinions.

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 11:28

@nina2b, come on, kids drawing doesn't spoil the atmosphere, that's OTT. But yes, iPads would be disturbing.

It's not the issue of the kids being there, I have no problem with that at all. OP could have gone with a friend and the friend would have sat with the children. (Joint appointments could be booked, then they could take turns?)

aaaaargghhhhelpme, clearly it had happened before, at other clinics in the chain, as the op had done it before! But it looks like that's changed.

nina2b · 03/08/2017 11:40

Floggingmolly

Don't be such a drama queen, elfin. People are allowed to have differing opinions.

Apparently not when children should have access to absolutely everywhere.Hmm

I think this particular business has every right to make their place a bit of a haven.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/08/2017 11:45

This thread has shown up the utter dog-end of MN

Are you always so OTT? Hmm

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 11:47

@nina2b, that wasn't the reason why the receptionist said no, it's for insurance purposes.

Your comment is pretty precious tbh, why shouldn't kids be allowed? Some probably have beauty appointments themselves!

If they misbehave, the receptionist can of course say, 'Don't come back.'

aurynne · 03/08/2017 12:20

Mittens1969
@aurynne, children of 6 and 7 are not going to choke on a lolly! And even when they were younger they would hardly have been given one anyway!

I am surprised you think that! Choking is one of the main causes of death in small children as far as I know

Mittens1969 · 03/08/2017 12:27

I didn't mean that. I don't see 6 and 7 year old children being likely to choke on a lolly, not that they don't die by choking, ever.

Younger children, up to the age of 4/5, are more likely to choke, I think.

But where would the lolly come from? Out of thin air? Nobody should take it upon themselves to give sweets to children they don't know!