to think 300 people are going to hate me?

[fuckingroundabout]

flying alone soon with an autistic nearly three year old and a recently crusing under one. How the hell am i going to survive a flight when the toddler cant sit still for more than 30 seconds and the baby is now wanting to be on the floor consta tly. Dont even have the aisle seat so some poor sod is sat next to us!

Oh OP I have no experience of SEN just wanted to add cheap toys that were a hit with my 2 year old on a flight last year that we will be using again this year:

A slinky
A little pack of 'floam' £1 from the entertainer
A toy airplane for the pound shop
Those push and pull board books
Felt tips and colouring books (he isn't usually allowed these but I covered him in a blanket)
The iPad

2 magazines he picked himself in WHSmith
Huge amounts of 'surprise toys' like mashems etc (these are great for when he's desperate to get up but you're taking off/landing)
Lots of stickers that he put on the windows and lap tray and me! I removed them when we had landed but still couldn't get up.

We were lucky enough to have an empty gate next to our gate so DP bought a cheap beach ball from WHSmith and spent a good hour playing football and running around with DS there to tire him out.

I think this is one of those things where the thought is actually worse than just doing the thing itself, good luck OP

OP - you will be fine. There may be people who judge but actually they are just showing themselves for who they are. I sat behind a woman with a two year old who screamed at the top of his lungs for 4 hours and refused to sit in his seat recently. I felt really sorry for her and offered to walk him up and down the cabin to give her a break but she didn't want any help. I think she would have benefitted from the harnesses mentioned above.

Yes, it was an unpleasant experience. Yes, I got a headache. But it never occurred to me that she and her child didn't have the right to fly. Some posters on here make me sick.

I love babies and toddlers. Being with them is what I do best. I wish I was on your flight, I'd make games with them the whole way.

People are such dicks. How about some empathy? It'll be fine OP, as you'll be organised /prepared. Those who literally have no empathy can GTF.

Some excellent tips on here and I really hope all goes well for you OP, but I honestly wouldn't assume too much about assistance from others. Hopefully the airport might be helpful, but asking other passengers to hold a screaming child might be too much for some - and after all you can't know who'll you'll be seated next to

A PP has just beaten me to suggesting the train instead You've not said where you're going, but I really would consider it if it's an option. Lots more space, often a much better experience and plenty of distracting things to see on the way ... a real adventure in fact, and it doesn't always take much longer when you factor in all the hassle in airports

I can't believe the sense of community spirit would be so low to leave you with no help at all

Perhaps, but then isn't this the same kind of idea which leads folk to neglect booking seats in the hope that some kind person will move to allow them to sit with the children (always a hot topic on MN )?

I appreciate this situation is different, but my real point is that I honestly wouldn't assume anything. Better, surely, to work on the basis doing it yourself and then accept anything extra as a bonus

My 2.5 year old is autistic and has been on 4 four hour flights this year. The hardest was having him sitting in his seat for take off and landing. I had the kindle with In the Night Garden on, and treats like raisins and biscuits.
He wasn't too bad really, there were other kids absolutely screaming throughout annoying me.

OP - I fly a lot on business including to some places which are also holiday destinations so regularly have kids on the flights.

I'm not the most patient person in the world but it really wouldn't be something I'd get in a huff about if you were near to me and struggling with your children.

What most annoys people is when parents let their kids run riot on flights and cause a nuisance - kicking seat backs etc - while the parents don't give a toss.

I think you'll find people will be kind, seeing your predicament and that you're doing your best, even if it's not going too well.

And whilst it's no one else's business if you do need to mention that your 2yo is autistic to excuse anything, anyone not accepting that would have to be a complete shit. And most people aren't.

Try not to worry about it too much.

OP I have two with autism. We fly every year mostly to orlando from 5 months old. We had bags of bits and bobs like crafts and small toys, electronic gadgets with films and cartoons downloaded and sweets and sandwiches because they were fussy feeders. My top tip with the three year old is start the flying game. We use to set up a pretend airport we went through customs (daddy in a suit and hat) who checked our bodies and our bags and beeped on the table as he pushed them through. We sat on a plane ( the dining room chairs) and one of us played the air hostess doing up seat belts. We had a big clock at the front and timed how long we could play in the seats. We got them up to 5 hours at home and the only melt down we had was the year they started to take shoes off in security as that was unexpected. I carry a letter showing the diagnosis and airports now are so helpful they usually have the band you can wear to show autism. Explain to others around you if he kicks off and you may find someone who knows about autism and can help you. Good luck I hope it goes well

it's 3 hours, It's public transport. I hope the airline can help in some way.

This is a good point!

On 2 separate 2.5hr train journeys over the past few weeks I've had to stand up all the way, including being stuck in the bit between carriages right next to the minging toilets on one of the journeys, it was so packed.

I know some people are talking about sitting quietly with a glass of wine, etc, would do well to remember flying is just public transport with less legroom than a bus.

Something to distract every 15 minutes? some new, some old favourites. I bought a load of cheap shite from Sainsbury's. a device and earphones, snacks and calpol about 20 minutes before boarding to help with ear pain.

As others have said start talking about it, your 3 year can't get up during take off, decent and landing so you need to start talking about that. maybe do airplane practise?

Im sort of hoping that in a nearly full flight where I dont have to worry about someone running off with my baby that if shit really hits the fan someone will hold him, I know I cant rely on it but Im hoping someone would

I wouldn't be in a huff but I really wouldn't be holding your baby! I have zero desire to hold any babies! Let alone a strangers baby.

Then you just say 'No' gracefully Hipster.
Isn't charity and altruism horrid?

OP - travelling with small kids can be stressful for anyone and you are unlikely to be alone with that stress on your flight especially at this time of year.
There are some good suggestions in this thread, pick those that you think will suit your kids.

I'm sure with preparation & planning you will get through it (even though it may be knackering and stressful). Try to be polite & apologetic if necessary to other passengers (even though this may be difficult when stressed) but don't worry too much about it as others have said if you can get them safe enough in their seats for landing and take off.

Don't know if it's any help but there is a peppy pig holiday special where she flies to Australia on this holidays, might be worth a watch to get her in the mood for flying.

Good luck.

I personally am fine with being on a flight with kids that are playing up as long as their parents are trying to do something about it, even if failing miserably.Yeah it can be a bit annoying,yeah I feel sympathy for those parents but I understand it.

What I can't stand is parents who do nothing , not even try or even encourage their kids being a little shits or drunk adults, they are just as bad if not worse.

I am travelling with a wilful newly toddling 15month old in a couple of weeks and will be bribing him with boob, chocolate buttons and wiggles dvds (in headphones) with copious abandon. He will be in his buggy until the aircraft steps and his 9yo brother who is fabulously sensible will still be dressed in bright colours so I can spot him easily in a crowd.

Isn't this a three-hour flight? So we're talking UK to Portugal/southern Italy, that sort of distance?

Most European trains are great, but no way is that going to be a more pleasant/practical/easier journey by train with an infant and young child.

OP, don't assume everyone on the plane hates you. You'll just feel really tense and wound up from the start, and you're more likely to project a defensive sort of attitude which may dissuade people from offering help (or even make them think you don't care about any disruption: I know when DD used to tantrum in public, I'd go all blank-faced with humiliation).

Just be honest and apologetic if things get difficult, and most people who can help probably will. I don't actively want to hold someone else's baby on a plane, but of course I would, if you asked politely and explained you needed to use the toilet or walk your toddler around the cabin.

Like others have said, there's a huge and usually obvious difference between someone who's not bothering to supervise their kids, and someone who's struggling with two young children in a difficult situation. I'd assume anyone travelling solo with two under-threes was doing so by necessity. It's nobody's idea of fun.

I haven't rtft but ear defenders might help for getting through the airport. Or put 1 year old in sling and toddler in the buggy with snack and pull the hood down a bit. Just because she won't watch tv doesn't mean she won't use simple apps on a tablet. I'd give it a go. Don't feed her breakfast and very slowly give food but by bit to occupy her. It's 3 hours. You can do it. And just tell people she has autism and you're doing your best. There's. I harm in letting the people in the seats immediately around you know ahead of time. It will save them shooting you the evils half way through the flight.

I just wanted to say good luck op. We flew a few months back on a crazy flight full of stag and hen nights, we have two kids a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old, the airline staff where fantastic, they allowed us to skip the queue a boarding and helped us with the pram etc. at the gate.

The hen and stag nights where crazy, running up and down the plane, screaming and shouting, taking their clothes off, not listening to the pilot or stewards. Yet there was no emergency landing, just the police at the airport to meet them in spain.

Neither of my kids need special assistance but the aircrew and ground crews in both the UK and spain where fantastic, good luck op, I'm sure there are more decent people out there than there are user

Hi OP, you have my sympathies, I would be super stressed at the thought of it.

When I first flew with my son, at 13 months old, I was so panicked that he'd play up, scream, cry, annoy other people etc and I got myself really wound up. The flight was going to be 4 hours long and I was just dreading it. However, it was nowhere near as bad as I anticipated because we were allowed to sit in the row of seats that were by the entrance doors at the middle of the plane so we had loads of leg room, no chairs in front of us and lots of floor space. The airline staff were happy for us to have DS's toys and books on the floor space and then we just sat DS on the floor and he played happily down there for the duration of the flight.

Could this be something you could enquire about? If you don't have a row of chairs in front of you your daughter may not feel as trapped in and be less stressed? The same goes with her potentially having some floor space to sit/stand in, it may just make things more bearable for you if she isn't being made to sit in one chair and feeling crowded for the duration of the journey.

As has been said there are just things you need to realistically consider....

If she's strapped in and starts shouting, screaming, trying to escape during the take off and landing how easy are you going to manage her if you have your one year old on your lap? You keep saying you can restrain your daughter but in doing so is she likely to be kicking out with her legs and arms, kicking other chairs or accidentally hitting other passengers? And again, how can you restrain her with a 1 year old on your lap?

I imagine someone would be happy to hold your baby for you as a one-off, short term solution whilst you are sorting out a problem with your daughter but I don't think anyone would feel happy about doing it for a prolonged period of time.

As a previous poster had said, use ruck sacks for your hand luggage because you are going to need to keep your hands free.

The best of luck OP - I hope it goes better than you think

Could you start practising with your older child from now to sit in her seat for a certain amount of time, say until the alarm on your phone goes off and she gets a treat...If she is old enough to chose, maybe let her pick her treat, something simple and cheap like a rice krispie bun or a story or a bubble bath or blowing bubbles cos she has been a good girl....Maybe if you start now it won't be as strange to her when the time comes

Writerwannabe do you mean the staff let your child play on the floor at the emergency exit.

Usually children or people with mobility issues are not allowed in that row at all?

Op just to counter the people saying they'd hate to hold your baby to help you out. I would definitely hold someone's baby to help out and I'd even offer if I saw someone looking harassed and by themselves. Lots of people love babies and toddlers, please don't forget that.
I regularly get people fawning over 1yo ds when out and about so I'm sure someone would be happy to help you. My dh might not be comfortable with a strangers baby but he would certainly offer to help you with your bags or anything you had dropped etc.
Most people are happy to help, remember that.

I was sat in front of a mum with three kids under four on my last flight. they were hard work and kept kicking my seat but I just zoned out and napped. People are very forgiving.

My severely autistic son would quite possibly be kicked off/endanger the plane but he's 18 and can't travel on public buses very easily let alone planes.

He would have been hard work, but fine aged 2.

Best wishes OP.

Some quick points. While you can use an infant car seat of you purchase an additional ticket, in my experience the infant must be out of the car seat and in the infant belt on your lap any time the seatbelt sign is on. So it won't help you if you need to focus on your older child at the same time. That said, the extra space might still be worth it and it is a lot more palatable to ask another passenger or air crew to keep an eye on the baby in the car seat while you bring the elder to the loo, rather than asking someone to hold the baby.

For the vast majority of people, I'd guess most would prefer not to be on a flight with noisy or upset children nearby but they won't be apoplectic or hostile. Some outliers on both sides like the posters here who say they would be delighted to be sat next to you (really? You genuinely wouldn't prefer a quiet flight?) and the angry folk on the other side. But most people will see you doing your best and hoping you are all ok. They may not actively help but they will not be actively hostile either so don't spend too much time thinking about them. That also means however that you cannot rely on someone helping you out. Great if that happens but not guaranteed.

Great advice about asking for special accommodation in the airport at every turn - check in, security queue, etc. Just one more thing to practice at home - my 18-month old got very upset to see our suitcase disappear down the conveyor belt at check in, so maybe include that in your prep.

I'm not sure all airport security will be happy with play dough or bubbles so maybe safer to go with toys that won't risk being confiscated

Best of luck. When is the flight?

I didn't think children were allowed on the emergency exit row either.