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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 300 people are going to hate me?

213 replies

fuckingroundabout · 01/08/2017 08:09

flying alone soon with an autistic nearly three year old and a recently crusing under one. How the hell am i going to survive a flight when the toddler cant sit still for more than 30 seconds and the baby is now wanting to be on the floor consta tly. Dont even have the aisle seat so some poor sod is sat next to us!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 01/08/2017 10:42

user1497480444 why are you making shit up about the OP's children being "completely uncontrollable"?

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 01/08/2017 10:43

And for the record I have a 2 dc with ADHD and asd and I won't fly with them.

BarbarianMum · 01/08/2017 10:44

It is not just about restraining your child on take off and landing. It is about restraining them every time conditions require them to be restrained for their safety. Its not about punishing anyone, its about keeping them safe.

cantkeepawayforever · 01/08/2017 10:49

Point taken, Barbarian. The OP needs to be confident that she can strap both children in securely - and quickly - if conditions require. It doesn't matter if they scream blue murder while they are restrained, or indeed for the entire flight (because noise by itself is not a safety issue) but she must be able to strap both in quickly and securely.

Huskylover1 · 01/08/2017 10:49

His father tried repeatedly to get him to the UK, and eventually left without him, he is still abroad and his family in the uk

Fucking hell! Most bizarre thing I've ever read on MN. Son can't fly? See Ya!

Op, can you afford to buy the spare seat in your row? If so, that's what I would do. Because anyone sitting in that third seat is going to have an awful flight. Sorry, I don't want to sound mean, but it won't be good for them. I also think that you would feel less stressed if you had more room and weren't spilling over someone else's space.

youarenotkiddingme · 01/08/2017 10:53

Sorry tatter should have been clearer! Cabin crew said they don't make emergency landings if child won't sit down or is distressed in air. (Obviously unless they are putting passengers in danger but that isn't going to apply to a 3yo!)

Spikeyball · 01/08/2017 10:57

Simon50 a child that age will be in a 5 point harness every time they go in a car. It's not unknown to them.

woodlands01 · 01/08/2017 11:06

I flew back yesterday from Portugal. Mum with 3 kids I'd estimate 2, 3 and about 5. Having a terrible time - very stressed. Dangerous on escalator with bags and youngest. I offered to take her bags for her and she was really rude to me.
Ended up sat behind her on plane - great!
I do not think I was judgey at all but Mum's actions with youngest on escalator were dangerous and the force with which she was shoved into seat and told to stay there (several times) was really, really worrying. I felt very uncomfortable and useless. Not bothered about my flight being disturbed.

I'm sure it will be fine OP - I would definitely make situation clear to the airline and accept any help offered.

Diggingmywayout · 01/08/2017 11:08

I would much rather have a peaceful three hours, but if I ended up on a plane with you, I would offer to help, not judge. I hope your fellow passengers are the same.

Ibelieveinyou · 01/08/2017 11:16

I feel your pain op, I am flying with my autistic dd tomorrow. Lots of great advice on here. I know it's so hard not to worry but try to remember there will be more understanding people on the plane than you think. That won't be of comfort right now but when you're 'in the moment' of a struggle or total meltdown, rather than panic or avert eye contact, try to look around and see if there is anyone who can help or give you a reassuring smile. Last year a lovely man offered my dd a lolly pop. Did she stop screaming? Nope! But it made me realise that there are others that 'get it' too.
Sending hugs and wishing you lots of luck!

EvelynWardrobe · 01/08/2017 11:17

I flew recently and a toddler two rows in front of us wailed and shrieked the place down from the moment his bum hit the seat until we were airborne. It was awful, but far far worse for his parents, his poor mother was sweating and red faced with trying to keep calm. Whilst there were a few wry smiles amongst people nearby I don't think anyone judged them, as they were clearly doing absolutely everything they could do to shut him up.

I don't have first hand ASD experience, but I'd certainly offer to hold your baby if you were struggling, OP, and I'm sure other people would too.

DD is NT, but has always been fascinated by looking out of the window and watching for the seatbelt sign to go on and off, perhaps your DD would be distracted a little by that?

StaplesCorner · 01/08/2017 11:19

Has someone already said don't have any meals or refreshments offered have nothing other than water and sweets or crisps for kids as appropriate. I travelled with mine that age although both NT, at one point we had coffee poured over the toddler. Luckily I had one set of clothes like simple pyjamas in the hand luggage although even I hadn't anticipated that Angry - on the way back made sure nothing whatsoever was offered or passed over us.

Welshmaenad · 01/08/2017 11:21

I've got no tips for you as I've never flown with small children - iPads etc keep them happy in the car in long journeys though!

But I just wanted to say, if I was sitting next to you, I wouldn't hate you. I freaking love toddlers (mine are older now) and would happily engage with your two to help you, or hold the baby, or whatever. My OH probably would too, he happily chats to tiny people when we're on child free days out (he's very tall and they seem drawn to him!). He understands autism too.

So I'm really hopeful there will be some kind people on your flight who like small children and understand what it's like to be a single mum struggling with two. I hope it goes well and you have a survivable flight and a nice visit with your family. And Winewhen you get there. Will your family take over child care whilst you're there to give you a much needed break?

storynanny · 01/08/2017 11:21

If I was sitting next to you I would be more than willing to help you. As I would hope, would other parents nearby who had a spare hand. We have all been through tricky situations with our children at times and hope we would all be empathetic.
Hope the flight goes ok and that you are helped by some kind people.

StaplesCorner · 01/08/2017 11:21

BTW when I sat down in my seats with my kids there was a middle aged couple in front of me and the woman immediately said very tersely "oh no! here come the pukers and the screamers!" She changed her tune when my child was only screaming because she had coffee poured over her.

araiwa · 01/08/2017 11:23

Have you considered train travel?

Much more civil. Comfortable, lots to see, can move around, no belts, no popping ears.

Factoring in getting to/from airports, check in, waiting etc it might not take much more time

SisterhoodisPowerful · 01/08/2017 11:24

I concur with all the above suggestions. I'd keep an eye out for friendly looking adults. You might find someone who would be willing to follow a crawler up and down the plane whilst you played with your other child.

zzzzz · 01/08/2017 11:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaidOfStars · 01/08/2017 11:25

Im sort of hoping that in a nearly full flight where I dont have to worry about someone running off with my baby that if shit really hits the fan someone will hold him, I know I cant rely on it but Im hoping someone would

This was going to be my first idea for you, and I'd go so far as to encourage you to ask. Target anyone obvious (and I'm about to stereotype) - the Spanish/Italian/Irish granny, the lone female 40-something (I'm one of those, childless, but I can walk up and down with a baby well enough, can even change a nappy!). I know the grumps will assert their right to refuse (and they do have that right) but I can't believe the sense of community spirit would be so low to leave you with no help at all.

CatsCantFlyFast · 01/08/2017 11:26

We just completed 8 flights with a 3.5 year old and an 11 month year old. Longest flight was 8 hours, shortest 40 mins on a 12 seater plane
Eldest had tablet and earphones plus a bag of wrapped small things. These included mini sticker books/spot the difference/aqua doodle travel set, a card game, reading book, little treats such as mini novelty erasers, trolls lip balms in a tin, a sticky ninja turtle that climbs down walls/windows etc
Youngest had a bag of stuff too - some small toys (particular winners included a wind up toy, pocket set of magnetic building blocks, a three little pigs toy with soft houses to put the pigs in and out) and some bits to entertain her (block of post it notes stuck to faces etc, ditto stickers and paper to tear up). We did spend some time letting her crawl up and down the aisles when they weren't serving food or drinks.

A huge bag of food and snacks also works well as distraction - biscuits saved many a close to meltdown situation. The youngest cried a few times but only when required to sit for takeoff/landing/turbulence. As far as I'm aware nobody hated us and we did our best to not disturb people

rachrach2 · 01/08/2017 11:28

I have flown once alone with my children together on a 5 hour flight and loads of times with my husband. It wasn't much fun alone but it was bearable.

Things that work for me - baby Bjorn/sling, more snacks than you'd think they could possibly eat (i still give my three year old Ella's kitchen pouches to avoid mess), stickers, Ipad, wrapped up new toys (or old ones they've not seen for a while), old iPhone (spent ages playing games and taking photos and more of a novelty than iPad). Muslins and baby wipes handy. Small change bag handy.

People are generally helpful! We did have one bad experience with a recently 2 year old when she outright refused her seatbelt after we had to wake her from a deep sleep but that was mid flight so we weren't chucked off!

You'll be fine and, whatever happens, it's only a few hours!

KatoPotato · 01/08/2017 11:29

it's 3 hours, It's public transport. I hope the airline can help in some way.

Pinky333777 · 01/08/2017 11:31

Deprive them of sleep, feed them up just before the flight and hope they sleep through it!

Noodledoodledoo · 01/08/2017 11:32

Some Airports (Manchester and Stansted - I know of) have support to help children/adults with Auitism through the airport. Think its different for each one but worth looking into for your airport. Might ease the process.

Give yourself loads of time. Clearing security can take forever - also triple check your bags for stuff security might take out. I got caught out by a bottle of hand sanitiser in our changing bag I put in a pocket I never use/forgot about. My NT 2 year old found it quite upsetting seeing our bags being taken away to be checked again.

What does help keep her calm at home - if even for 5 minutes.

What about a find me bottle - lots of small things, pennies, plastic toys, paper clip, etc in bottle filled with rice/couscous etc and they have to try and spot as many as they can.

Do you have a sling for your little one - we took my son on holiday back in May when he was 10 months and the only way I could get him to settle was to be in the sling on me. As soon as I put him in it he fell asleep - try and get the seatbelt round them in the sling and they they can stay where they need to be.

Hopefully others will help you out - I would ask if there was anything I could do if you were on my flight.

Good luck.

Oh and my other tip - hand luggage as rucksacks - we took holdalls and really regretted it.

Huskylover1 · 01/08/2017 11:36

Im sort of hoping that in a nearly full flight where I dont have to worry about someone running off with my baby that if shit really hits the fan someone will hold him, I know I cant rely on it but Im hoping someone would

Gosh, I must be really mean, but I'd not want someone to foist a strange baby on to me, on a 3 hour flight. I've done all that with my own kids. Now I just want to read a book, and have a glass of wine in peace.