to think 300 people are going to hate me?

[fuckingroundabout]

flying alone soon with an autistic nearly three year old and a recently crusing under one. How the hell am i going to survive a flight when the toddler cant sit still for more than 30 seconds and the baby is now wanting to be on the floor consta tly. Dont even have the aisle seat so some poor sod is sat next to us!

Some great suggestions here.

I think most passengers are understanding so long as the parent is making am effort. I would also mention the autism to the flight crew and possibly to near by passengers. You shouldn't have to but people will generally be much more understanding.

I'm sorry I don't think there is assistance to be had. One of the Middle East airlines offers nanny on board, but it depends who you fly with. Cabin crew will be doing their jobs and have little time to support.

Airside support is for disabled or limited mobility etc people, it's not to help with child care.

I'd think through how to deal with all aspects of the flight, from check in, luggage drop, boarding, in flight entertainment, luggage collection, passport control etc and come up with a plan. If genuinely you think you can't cope I'd suggest not to do the flight or have a friend fly with you and then back again.

I wouldn't worry about other pax though, I'd worry about can you simply manage and keep the kids safe.

Keep repeating to yourself: "This is a very very short time out of my entire life and I never have to see these people again."

Also: technology and snacks are your friends.

User it really is only you that is delusional enough to consider the op in any way suggesting that her children would endanger a plane

ENDANGER a plane .....I really can't get past this

And darlin'. I guarantee you I know better than most that life isn't fair...your last post gave you away bitterness that you cant go on a plane is your problem....neither can I doesn't mean I'm an ass to everyone else

You deliberately cherry picked my post which makes me assume you are of the hairy variety and god knows I have better things to do than deal with troll dwellers

Toodles 😁

oh wow I now have visions of my two year old causing an emergency landing!

I think it will all come down to how the baby is, if hes quite happy just to sit and play then I only really have to worry about the toddler. If baby kicks off Im stuffed as the noise sets her off even more. Getting through take off will be the hardest bit as obviously it relies on her sitting on her own wih her seat belt on. The rest of the flight if needs be I can put baby in her seat and physically hold onto her if needs be.

It will also be down to the airport experience and how well I can get her thriugh that.

Its a trip to see some family members who havent met either child yet

holding onto her will cause her to massively lash out and scream but luckily shes 2 and will only hurt me rather than anyone else unlike an adult.

Another good tip is to wrap all your Poundland junk separately in sparkly wrapping paper. It will feel more exciting and prolong the distraction element. Bring a present out every half an hour rather than give them all at once.

Finally if you can, the exit seats are good as you can grab a bassinet for baby (or your random stuff that needs a home) and you can very loosely loop your more active child into your own lap belt (i.e. Use the belt that attaches to your own and is intended for babies, but loosen it a lot) and you will find your older child can stand between your legs, whilst still loosely wearing the belt.This gives them the illusion of a bit more movement and won't disturb others a no one is in front of you. Obviously they need to be properly restrained when seatbelt lights are on but in my experience if they're in their own little world next to the seats they feel in more control.

Good luck OP! You can do it

I don't have any advice, never done it, but distraction certainly sounds like a good plan.

But as a flyer, I just accept there will be children and they will make noise. It's not terribly pleasant listening to kids crying but hey, I have headphones and it's not unreasonable for kids to cry on a plane, they're cramped and smell weird.

The only thing that absolutely drives me bonkers with children is seat kicking from behind. For the love of all that is holy just don't let the toddler do that - it's the most excruciating thing.

Oh yes and check out which terminals have soft play beforehand. God send!

My dd has autism we flew at a similar age I also had a 9 month old dd at the time. The baby was easy going just gave her a bottle of milk and a dummy and she was pretty good.

Dd was a bit more difficult but I managed it by buying lots of fidgit toys (a fidget spinner might be a good idea for your dd if she likes spinning, little cars with spinny wheels and little helicopters too my dd is also a spinner!) I didn't spend much on them maybe 50p-£1 each but then I wrapped each one up individually in wrapping paper. (I bought about 15 items for a 2 hour flight + 3 hour bus journey)
Every time she started to get restless I gave her another present so she was distracted opening the present and then with the toy inside. When she got bored of it and started getting fidgety again I'd dig out another present. It seemed to work quite well plus I then had loads of little toys for her to play with on holiday when we went to restaurants etc. I bought things like crayons and tiny notebooks, key rings with lights, toy cars, and then fidget toys I found on eBay.

Another thing I did was find a few games apps on my phone. I found dd could do simple car racing games there was one game in particular where you just pressed one button and the car drove it was really easy to use. That helped us loads on the flight. My dd wouldn't sit and watch a film on my phone but she would play that game I think because she was in control of what the car did.

If you have time to experiment, antihistamines can be prescribed for flights. Is that a suggestion I'll get flamed for? It was common practice a few years ago among Australian and Kiwi families I knew. They used a particular over the counter one. I'd run it past the doctor first and experiment with it first because some children get hyper.

Which airline are you flying with?

Many now do special seats for children with SN/disability that's like a 5 point harness car seat.

Have you also emailed the airline and asked what reasonable adjustments they can make for your journey? I'd say a reasonable adjustment is leaving seat adjacent to you free if there's spare seats on the plane.

I travel with ds who is autistic. He's 12 now. I always ask for reasonable adjustments re queuing and make myself known and get taken to front of check in queue.

I also ask for boarding first so ds isn't in crowds - although boarding last can also work if they don't sit still for long!

Mostly ignore anyone who makes comments or judges. It's hard enough as it is without giving those who judge the headspace to think your choosing the chaos and choosing not to control it!

Good luck OP - I've flown with DS long haul a bunch of times as a baby and a toddler.

Kindle and earphones for the bigger one.

Ask for an extra blanket each to make a hammock for them to sleep comfortably in, hopefully they'll go down longer. Also catches stray toys. Another MNetter suggested this and it's a life saver.

Put down table.
Tie the top right and top left corners to the corresponding arms of the table (where it's attached to the seat in front), you might want to take nappy pins to make extra secure). Put table up to increase tension. Tuck the whole opposite end into the seat your child is sitting in. The hammock effect genuinely encourages them to sleep a bit better.

I did a lot of flights when my DT's were little - no SN's but not keen on being controlled into their seats. I made up them each a rucksack with wrapped toys which were brought out every half an hour or when a meltdown was starting. I bribed them - sit on your seat and you can have the next present etc

Ditch the trunki.
I'm always seeing parents in airports carrying them as the novelty of child pulling and riding on them wears off after 2 mins. Then you are stuck trying to get 2 young kids, trunki, and other bags through the airport. Trunki ate cumbersome and not great for inflight

Op FWIW on the way back we had 20minutes where the baby was screaming and dd was screaming.

There was absolutely no mention whatsoever of an emergency landing. I found the flight staff were absolutely lovely and really understanding I told them as soon as we boarded that dd had autism so might be a bit noisy if she got upset so as soon as she got upset someone came over and told the passagners around me she had autism which really helped.

Also, it's three hours. Not exactly a long time for a civilised adult. Your co passengers, if they have an ounce of grace, will cope.

The wrappinf things up idea is genius. She absolutely loves unwrapping so i may make some mini pass the parcel style packages with lots of layers and the occasional chocolate coin. Im going to take her her flannel that she sucks on to shes not trying to lick the whole plane.

I can physically restrain her still, which is partly why Im keen to get the trip done now as I reckon in 6 months time she will be past the point where I can, I just need the 10 month old to be having a good day!

I'm sorry if this sounds awful, I really don't want it to.

Do you really need to fly at this time? It doesn't sound like a life or death scenario and not only could it be quite worrying and disturbing for other passengers (I would want to help if I saw a very distressed child and would feel quite awful if there was nothing I could do to help and the child was getting progressively more and more upset) but it also sounds like your DD could quite possibly get very distressed.

Can you wait until she's is a little older and maybe have a better understanding? Or if she will have a career/social working or someone who could fly along with you all and offer practical help?

It sounds too much for just you to deal with (unless everything goes perfectly) and I don't think you should rely on the airline being able to help as they do have other passengers/may be short staffed/not allowed too/etc.

I would hold off and see what happens then assess how things are later.

No child that refuses to sit down and put a seatbelt on when required will be flown - that's true enough. Beyond that though, I suspect there is nothing a toddler can do that'll get you grounded. Extreme distress before take off perhaps?

Honestly OP I think it'll be ok.

user you realise we're talking about a baby and a toddler don't you? Not two large men rampaging about. Do you know any children at all?

Op I reckon your baby will fall asleep if you manage to keep him/her awake in the airport. Does the baby have a dummy to help with take off and landing? Make sure the baby is dressed in layers as it's chilly on planes and if my ds is anything to go by when they're cosy they fall asleep more easily. Are you allowed the baby in a sling on a plane? If so then worth a try to keep your hands free for the toddler.
With your toddler I don't have much experience with SEN in very young children so not sure what to suggest aside from light up toys, snacks, picture books?
Do ask the airline about any assistance or special seats mentioned above for children with SEN.
Most importantly try to relax yourself, take some deep breaths anytime you feel yourself getting stressed.

Sucky sweet for toddler and bottle/ boob for baby for take off and landing to help avoid ears popping. Children's magazines are great especially if there is a character they like; you get stories to read, tiny toys to play with, stickers and activities.