to think 300 people are going to hate me?

[fuckingroundabout]

flying alone soon with an autistic nearly three year old and a recently crusing under one. How the hell am i going to survive a flight when the toddler cant sit still for more than 30 seconds and the baby is now wanting to be on the floor consta tly. Dont even have the aisle seat so some poor sod is sat next to us!

I suppose people act differently when distressed. When my mother was dying I didn't care what was going on round me, if I had been transported to her bedside in a perfumed palace it wouldn't have made me feel any better and I am pretty sure I would have been oblivious to noise around me. I certainly wouldn't expect other people to stay at home on the off chance it bothered me.

Fuck what others on the flight think of you. You won't see them again. Do whatever makes the flight as least distressing as possible for the children. If that's moving around and making noise, then do some of that.

No regard for the other passengers trapped in a confined space, then? What do you think happens to autistic children with sensory sensitivities, exactly? I'll give you a clue... they grow up into adults with sensory sensitivities!

OP you've had some good suggestions here (like the wrapping up little toys one). Is your youngest still breastfeeding? That's by far the best thing, if so, for getting them through the pressure changes of takeoff/landing. I assume there aren't restrictions on how much formula milk you can take on, either?

Personally, I'd drug 'em, but that's just me. I'd look into sedating antihistamines/cough mixture or something. Have you a sympathetic GP you could talk to? Some parents swear by melatonin for inducing sleep in autie/aspie youngsters, but I've no idea of the ins and outs of that.

A few suggestions...
Maybe try to get your toddler into a certain series/film/character and then load up an ipad/tablet with that.
Headphones if they'll wear them, with an audio story/music/whatever they like.
Something tactile like playdoh - that stuff was manna from heaven when (aspie) DD was little; kept her focused in public spaces for ages.
Take plenty of comforters (you mentioned a sucky flannel - have a few of those!). Have you tried chewy jewellery? Does she have any other stims apart from spinning (ie that she can do sitting down?!) that you can facilitate?

Airside support is for disabled or limited mobility etc people, it's not to help with child care.

In case you didn't realise, autism is a disability, you eejit. Fully entitled to air assistance.

I think the ONLY issue that you have to think through very carefully (in terms of safety) is how you will restrain your older child for take off and landing if they kick off. You will HAVE to have your baby strapped onto your lap (unless they have another seat), and your older child MUST be strapped in.

If you can manage that, all else is simply luxury / convenience of other passengers.

If you have worries about being able to restrain your older child in that scenario, would it be possible to book the baby a separate seat, and use their baby seat, strapping them in (if that is still possible - it used to be). Then you can devote your energies to restraining your older child in their seat, without you being hampered by a baby strapped onto your lap.

Noise or upset during the flight isn't a big safety issue. However, if you really won't be able to have all 3 of you strapped in, that is an issue that you need to address.

Why are you having to fly?

No regard for the other passengers trapped in a confined space, then? confused

Yes. It works both ways.

Oh and planes don't make emergency landings.

Say what now? Of course planes makes emergency landings!

Not sure why User_whatever is getting quite such a hard time, either, when they've repeatedly stated that they're not referring to a noisy, restless child, they're referring to someone who cannot be controlled enough to remain in a seat with a belt on for take off. Of course the passenger would be removed in that instance.

an autistic child having a meltdown has been removed form a plane in the past month. A plane cannot take off if people are refusing to put and keep belts on.

quite, not one but many many many - I don't know what planet some of the posters on here are living on!

Passengers removed from flights happens every day. not just children, drunk adults, abusive adults, too, but also children who's parents can't control them, it isn't unusual.

More unusual is diversions, and emergency landings, but they also happen for the same reasons. And the delays caused can be unlimited.

Im confident I could get her to do it long enough for taking off, the rest of the flight and landing is a different matter!

For me the word entitlement comes to mind.
OP knows DC will be a nightmare on the flight, but hey I have a right to a holiday so all those sitting close to me will just have to suck it up !!
I can't see how putting a harness on poor DC to keep them in the seat will help. I would have thought all they would do is scream their head off?

Tightens chin strap and ducks even lower.

Good Luck OP, and please try not to worry. It's 3 hours, not a 12 hour flight. The other passengers can just practice tolerance. And I'm sure loads of people would happily hold a little one if you needed them to. I think the advice re breaking up flight into short activities is worth a try! Hope you have a lovely holiday.

It's only 3 hours, it's not like you'll be ruining anybody's holiday!

You have to be able to do it for landing too. 5 point harness, as others have suggested, will at least help in the physical restraint for that stage - noise will not matter as long as they are safely strapped in.

Snacks, toys, snacks, drink, snacks, magazines with plastic tat, more snacks, peppa pig, snack some more. We hold off on program watching as long as possible and get through toys, books and magazines first. Then when boredom sets in, it's time to break out Thomas the Tank engine, Fireman Sam, Paw Patrol and anything else.

Mentally, I break flights into chunks of 30 mins. It helps you feel like you're achieving something. Instead of having an hour and a half left, you've successfully made it through 3 chunks...if that makes sense!

It is surprisingly difficult to physically restrain someone who is beside you, when you are strapped in, so the extra physical restraint from the harness, for the purposes of landing, will be helpful in the worst case scenario.

Dancing all round the plane or whatever for the remainder of the flight is simply inconvenient, but you MUST be able to strap both your children in for takeoff and landing.

fucking in that case you really need to loom into a harness. It is quite possible that you'll hit turbulence and need to put seatbelys on at several points during the flight. Last flight i was on the 'seatbelt' sign was on for 4 out of the 6 hours (I know this because i had an upset stomach (crohns not infectious before I'm flamed) and was accutely aware of when i could and couldn't go to the loo).

Surely the OP isn't putting herself, her children & all of the passengers through this just for the sake of a holiday? I assumed there was some vital reason she is having to fly. Eg, poorly relatives or moving abroad.

Its not really just a holiday, we have had the year from utter hell and I really desperately want to see my family. They are too old and frail to come to me and even though I know she was slightly different I hadnt realised she was autistic when it was booked. I only havent cancelled because I know in 6 months or so I will no longer have the strength to restrain her properly on a flight if needs be and that rules out seeing my family for several years.

Im ringing the airline as soon as one of them is asleep for nap to try and sort out airport assistance. Im also going to do everything possible to reduce problems, i am gojng to borrow a weighted lap pad and do some of the ideas here I hadnt thought of. Its going to go either way, I already know that!

For what it's worth I absolutely loathe flying, and having the distraction of sitting next to you and your kids, and maybe even being able to help you with holding the kids, soothing, entertaining, organising etc, would make a flight so much more bearable for me.

I may stand alone with this viewpoint, but who knows you may be sat near someone who is like me and will be delighted that you are there!

Ffs

look into a harness
seltbelts on

Can you take the car seat? It might be worth.checking it meets airline criteria, and your dd sit.in it for the flight?

i had no idea her car seat could be an idea. will look into it!

simon, I understand that the OP is visiting her family - the only family she has. As long as her children can both be safely restrained for take-off and landing, then she has every right to make that visit.

Badly-behaved NT children, drunken adults, hen parties, squabbling early teenagers have all made flights VERY noisy for me in the past, and all of those could have been predicted to be a nightmare and thus, in your world, should have chosen not to fly.

It saddens me that we seem to be back to the days of punishing disabled travellers for their disability. My paraplegic grandfather used to have his wheelchair, with him in it, strapped to the wall of the guards van in trains. His accompanying adult, my grandmother, had to sit elsewhere as there were no seats in the guards van. No toilet facilities at all, even on the longest journeys. Uncomfortable and humiliating.

I'm with user, sorry but there are alternatives like a holiday not flying. Your three year old can't help it and at some point you will have to take him on a plane if that's what joy choose to do, but adding a one year old into the mix is just making life hard.

For everyone saying fuck everyone on the plane you don't have to see them again..she will on the flight home! It's not really fair on anyone if it's going to be that bad.