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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

231 replies

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:35

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

OP posts:
Genghi · 02/08/2017 22:02

@drinking tea from the tfl terms of carriage where 11-15 is free and 16 plus is half fare.

content.tfl.gov.uk/tfl-conditions-of-carriage.pdf

Behaviour Code applicable to 11-15 and 16+ Oyster photocard holders
TfL’s Behaviour Code exists to ensure you travel safety and show respect for our passengers, staff and property. You must follow it or you might lose your travel concession or Zip Oyster photocard. Expected behaviours include, but are not limited to the following:
Act in a considerate and responsible manner:
• Act safely
• Cooperate with our staff and treat them and other passengers with respect • Use language that does not cause offence to others
• Ensure that you are the only person that can hear your music
• Ensure you pick up all your litter
• Keep your feet off the seats
•Give up your seat for others

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 22:06

My children have never been "squashed" on public transport in their lives, despite travelling by tube on a regular basis.
They're not made of porcelainunlike yours, apparently They also have better balance than I have, in general.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 22:34

Genghi those rules apply to everyone - it's not only children who should act safely, cooperate with staff, make sure only you can hear your music, pick up litter or keep feet off seats, so why do you think just the last one about giving up your seat is specifically for children?

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 22:36

Flogging mine have never suffered injuries from the passenger air bag in the car, but it doesn't mean I'd put an under 12 in the front with the air bag on.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 22:40

Where we live the code of conduct on school buses is older children have to give up seats to younger if there is insufficient seating, and that children should sit 3 to a bank of 2 of the only other option is to stand. Most kids stick to it and if they forget the bus driver yells at them. Why would 18 year olds be expected to give up seats to 11 year olds if the 11 year olds were as safe standing? Or 11 year olds give up seats to 7 year olds?

Genghi · 02/08/2017 22:43

@drinkingtea - it's stated only in the 11-15 and 16+ sections to be prepared to give up your seat. Everywhere else it just mentions for disabled/pregnant people

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 02/08/2017 23:19

Genghi Wed 02-Aug-17 21:18:42
@BearsDontDigOnDancing - you never make your kids get up? Not even for elderly/pregnant/disabled people?angry

Well, no, but if you had read my post, if the train is ever so busy ( and it rarely is when I am travelling with my children) if it is the case that there are no seats and an elderly/pregnant/disabled person got on, then as I said I and/or my husband give up our seat leaving our children sitting.

Have not yet every come across the situation where all 4 us would need to give up our seats.

So not quite sure why you have the angry face. Hardly like I said I sat there staring at a pregnant women from the comfort of my seat while me and my children lounge away is it.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 02/08/2017 23:33

Basically, if it is a choice between either me or one of the kids standing, I would stand.

If we had to all offer up our seats, then we would do so (but as I say, has never happened yet) as I would be standing up with them so could hold onto them, or just stand between them and the crowd as it were. I would never be sat down while my kids were stood. That is my choice to make.

everybodysang · 02/08/2017 23:55

This thread has reminded me that I was once travelling on a bus with baby DD in a sling, sitting quite near the front. Only other person on the bus was a man, sitting on one of those seats at the very front that is like a bench running parallel to the windows, IYSWIM?
A very well dressed lady (this was on a bus from Cambridge to Grantchester, so if you know the area you can perhaps imagine the type...) got on and absolutely screamed at him to move, that she always sat there. When he very politely pointed out that he had a broken leg and was on crutches, she stomped to the back of the bus, swearing and cursing. Every so often she'd shout out "fucking inconsiderate bastard" and when she got off she kicked his leg cast!
I was absolutely gobsmacked, I've never seen anything like it (and I have a 2.5 hour commute each way every day, though fortunately we don't live in Cambridge any more!)

glitterlips1 · 03/08/2017 00:03

She should have given up her seat for her child. I usually let my child sit down and I will stand, but if I am with my younger one then she sits on my lap. I have given up my seat to a parent with a small child as I hate to see children being squashed and hit the face with bags, but I probably wouldn't if I was really unwell.

Bubwiser · 03/08/2017 04:17

Not U! I would never dream of asking anyone to give up their seats for me or my 4-year-old. If there was a spare seat, I'd let DS take it, or he can sit on my lap. I would also ask DS to give up his seat if there was an elderly or pregnant passenger.

supermoon100 · 03/08/2017 04:43

I would always give up my seat for kids

ArgyMargy · 03/08/2017 06:57

I would never give up my seat for kids.

FrancisCrawford · 03/08/2017 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisCrawford · 03/08/2017 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coddiwomple · 03/08/2017 07:33

many companies state that one of the conditions of issuing a half fare to children is that they vacate the seat if the bus is full and the seat is required by an adult.

I wouldn't go there too much, job seekers can get a free or discount travel pass, so giving up your seat or not should not be about who pays the full fare and who doesn't.

DressedCrab · 03/08/2017 07:44

I wouldn't go there too much, job seekers can get a free or discount travel pass, so giving up your seat or not should not be about who pays the full fare and who doesn't.

But if it's specified by the company that children travelling at reduced have to give up their seats your point makes no sense.

FrancisCrawford · 03/08/2017 07:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coddiwomple · 03/08/2017 08:34

There's nothing about children giving up their seat in the Southern T&C, so paying full or reduce rate has nothing to do with anything.

FrancisCrawford · 03/08/2017 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosieRuby · 03/08/2017 08:48

I wouldn't expect an adult to give up their seat for my children and definitely wouldn't ask them to. By contrast I would ask my DC to move for an adult if the adult needed it ie old, frail, pregnant etc. we were on a crowded train recently with one seat available. I told my DD to sit down and I stood and a few people offered my their seat including DD, I waited until someone got off though.

brasty · 03/08/2017 09:57

Most children have better balance than me and more energy. If a non SN child of 10 can not stand up and be safe while holding on to something, I would suspect they are getting very little exercise.

In reality kids that age never seem to have any problem standing up or with balance, and cope far better with stops and starts than I do - my balance is rubbish as I have had problems with my ears as I got older.

ConstanceCraving · 03/08/2017 10:04

My dc would ask an adult if they wanted to sit in their seat!

GoodEyebrowDay · 03/08/2017 10:37

YANBU

on another note though, why should kids give up seats to adults? Age doesn't automatically earn you respect & it's a weird message to send to kids for this unwritten rule. Kind of like, you should give up your comfort & bend to the whim of a stranger just because they're older. Exception if the adult is unable to stand due to age, disabilities etc.

Kids should be respected too.

MissDuke · 03/08/2017 10:45

OP you poor thing, I hope you are feeling better. I am sorry to hear of what a tough time you have had recently Flowers Yanbu at all and were right to not offer an explanation.

She should have either given up her seat for her dd or sat her dd on her lap (I agree with the above that children should have a seat). However this was absolutely of no concern to you and for her to sort out. She was incredibly rude!