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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

231 replies

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:35

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

OP posts:

Ghanagirl · 02/08/2017 18:51

drinkingtea some of the 9year old girls are big but at schools they don't compete as boys and girls are different it's a biological fact whatever ever your opinion.
As for my son choosing to stand if there's one seat I'm sorry if that offends you!
Maybe you have issues regarding the way your DH treats you...

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:54

Seriously Ghana ? That is a stretch and a half. I'm talking about kids not husbands - 9 year old boys don't compete against adult women. Why do you as an adult and a parent sit when your own 9 year old child stands?

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 19:01

Why would you as a parent stand while your 9 year old sits, drinkingtea...
9 year olds are well able to stand up for twenty minutes, unless there's some physical disability.

coddiwomple · 02/08/2017 19:08

Why would you as a parent stand while your 9 year old sits

there could be many reasons why I would, boy being tired or irritable and much better sulking on a seat. It doesn't matter, it's between me and my children. I would not expect another passenger to give up their seat however!

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 19:14

Well yes, there would be occasions when I wouldn't blink at it either, but drinkingtea makes it sound like the default position. It isn't for me.

CattyMcCatface · 02/08/2017 19:15

Elephant17 - well because adults pay full fare, children travel at half price or for free. Adults therefore should have priority over children, who should stand, or sit on their parent's knee, if insufficient seats available.

M5tothesouthwest · 02/08/2017 19:24

A 10 year old should stand. For under 5s who lack the motor skills to balance / hold on, then a seat is a reasonable request if their parent's knee is already occupied by a sibling.

Ghanagirl · 02/08/2017 19:29

drinkingtea I wouldn't expect the OP to stand and I'd never ask someone to give up seats for myself and twins.
When we travel together as family there's just one seat available I usually sit with DD on my lap because she's small and can't reach up to hold on.
Whilst DS prefers to stand holding on to his Dad!
Not sure why that's so offensive.
I'm sorry if you're DH doesn't either do same or teach your son to actually think about the fact he's bigger and stronger than girls but like I said that's your issue!

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 19:44

Ghana it isn't my issue, it's an issue you have invented

Catty the "Adults pay full fare and children pay half so adults sit first" argument is clearly half cocked unless you think pensioners should also stand for full fare paying adults as default?

Flogging the person more able to reach the hanging straps to hold on to, and least injured in case of braking causing other standing adults to fall on them will usually be the adult. Hight and skeleton development are key and there are exceptions by a age 10 and more by age 11+ but generally children of 12 and under are not as tall or strong as adults.

manicmij · 02/08/2017 20:00

Little Precious 10 year old obviously that she couldn't stand beside her mum. Bit of a cheek asking you to move. Most folk would offer to move if circumstances were appropriate to allow folk to sit together. Woman obviously do this herself. Manners are disappearing at a very fast rate.

pollymere · 02/08/2017 20:37

I have a hidden disability so never give up my seat. My dd has been standing on trains since about aged five so don't feel bad. You had the right to decline, and good reason to do so.

CattyMcCatface · 02/08/2017 20:44

drinking tea don't be ridiculous.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 20:49

In what way am I being ridiculous Catty? All I did was point out the logical inconsistency of your argument. If "dont be ridiculous" is all you can come up with then presumably you can't defend your argument in any more convincing way than sticking your metaphorical tongue out.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 20:51

The OP shouldn't have stood up, the parent should. If the parent had an invisible disability she should have been aware the OP might have had one too not spent the journey glaring at her.

CattyMcCatface · 02/08/2017 21:12

For goodness sake drinking tea calm yourself down and have a cup of tea. Any well brought up person would give up their seat to an elderly person. You are being silly.

Genghi · 02/08/2017 21:18

@BearsDontDigOnDancing - you never make your kids get up? Not even for elderly/pregnant/disabled people?

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 21:38

Catty then can't you see that your full fare equals seat priority line is nonsense then? Why spout it as fact? You still can't explain why children not paying full fare is the reason they should automatically be the first to stand while healthy adults sit can you?

I'm nice and calm thank you, Im not the one spitting out "don't be ridiculous"

If there were a pecking order for who gets to sit it should be based only on who most needs to, not on fare paid or age or sex or gender. Obviously in reality there is only a very rudimentary social code which a lot of people ignore, but there is no sensible argument for a healthy parent sitting while their own child stands.

Genghi · 02/08/2017 21:46

@drinkingtea - if kids aren't expected to give up their seats on trains/business then why are their tickets half fare? A seats a seat and it should all cost the same.

Genghi · 02/08/2017 21:46

Buses not business

Floggingmolly · 02/08/2017 21:46

Are your children particularly weak or feeble, drinkingtea?

Ohmyfuck · 02/08/2017 21:49

Her child could have perched on her lap or she should have given up her own seat! I can't understand how she thinks YOU should give up her seat for her child instead of HER giving up her seat? Confused. She sounds nuts!

Bingeslayer · 02/08/2017 21:51

She was nuts to ask you to get up forherdd to sit when she could have given her own seat up but I really don't get why children should stand while an able bodied adult sits,if elderly,disabled obviously yes child stands but not for any adult.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 21:53

Genghi are you reading selectively? Concessions are not given on condition that the ticket holder gives up their seat! Lots of concessions are available to all sorts of groups of people (for trains and for all sorts of other things) and the concession has nothing to do with giving up your seat to anyone who has paid more!

CattyMcCatface · 02/08/2017 21:55

Ooo meow drinkingtea but no spitting going on here i can assure you. You carry on if you want.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 21:56

Flogging yes that's what it is

Children as a group are weaker and shorter and less able to hold on and more easily squashed than a healthy working age adults as a group. It doesn't take tremendous intelligence to understand that.

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