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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

231 replies

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:35

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

OP posts:
Liadain · 31/07/2017 23:57

She's a cheeky wagon. As a kid, I was raised to give up my seat to adults. If her dear darling daughter is so precious and delicate, the woman can give up her own seat.

LockedOutOfMN · 01/08/2017 00:04

Liadain
As a kid, I was raised to give up my seat to adults. If her dear darling daughter is so precious and delicate, the woman can give up her own seat. Me too, I agree.

Hope you're feeling better, OP.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 01/08/2017 00:04

YANBU and you are not obliged to explain yourself to her. If she was that bothered, the kid was in need or unable to stand herself, she'd have asked more people, possibly explained or got up off her own arse. I suspect she probably has no issues
... and should given up her own seat if so bothered.

paxillin · 01/08/2017 00:04

A child wobbly enough to need a seat is typically small enough to sit on a parent's lap unless they have a disability.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/08/2017 00:06

Entitled cheeky mare, of course you should not have given up your seat. If she was that desperate for her dd to sit down, she should have given up her seat.

flowergrrl77 · 01/08/2017 00:07

Rude woman to even ask. The child can and should stand, as has always been the way

Oh really? I stand in preference to 2 of my 3 children, you might not realise they're special needs, but they are. Sometimes its obvious, sometimes not.

However, clearly THIS lady wasn't able to give up her seat, she needed it. IF the child needed it then other seating could have been asked for elsewhere...

gluteustothemaximus · 01/08/2017 00:09

Very rude. She should have given up her own seat.

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

PollytheDolly · 01/08/2017 00:10

Having suffered many UTIs in the past and having to endure packed trains....

You absolutely were not being unreasonable.

Imaginosity · 01/08/2017 00:12

She sounds rude!

However, just be aware not every child is well able to stand. My DS is 8 and has has autism and finds travelling on crowded public transport very hard. He gets completely overwhelmed by the noises, smells, lack of space etc. He starts getting really distressed and other people start noticing and assuming he's just being badly behaved. I always feel really self conscious then. If he sits down its easier for him to cope but still not ideal. I am well able to stand for long periods compared to my son.

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2017 00:13

So she gives up her own seat...

FritzDonovan · 01/08/2017 00:24

How do you know she doesn't suffer from an unseen problem too, though? We have scoliosis in the family, which can be incredibly painful, but not the kind of thing you want to announce to random train passengers.
I find it odd that if she was merely being cheeky she didn't ask anyone else. Were you the youngest/most sympathetic looking one in close proximity? Or was she just too embarrassed to ask anyone else after that? Also wouldn't have thought you'd ask for the length of one stop unless you thought it necessary.

MsLexicon · 01/08/2017 00:25

No you did good. I have an invisible disability and also I am no stranger to UTIs. Even as we speak I have one. Ignore such stupidity and let her eyeballs fall out on springs if necessary. You explained you were ill and she should be kinder. Bollocks to her! She should be a better example to her DD. If that was me I would ask if I could assist you in any way and sorry I asked!
Get better soon xx

Liadain · 01/08/2017 00:28

If she or child had extra needs, then she should also have been mindful of op (or other people) also having possible extra needs that meant they couldn't stand. They also should not have to disclose their reasons for not giving up a seat, and certainly shouldn't have been glared at! The world does not revolve around her child, after all.

So imo, she's still BU.

Turvey94 · 01/08/2017 00:31

WTH?! She should have given up her own seat for her daughter! Seriously cannot believe she asked you to move!!! Shock

Original poster
FlyingFox95 · 01/08/2017 00:33

I didn't know whether or not she had an invisible disability but in all honesty at that moment in time I was looking out for myself. Selfish as that may be I was.

I'm in my early 20s and I'd say I was quite young in comparison to the people immediately around me. I'm not 100% sure of everyones ages but they did appear older than me. I'm not sure if she'd maybe asked me on the off chance as I was closest then left it knowing it wasn't that long a journey but yeah, I was confused

Thanks again everyone xx

OP posts:
Bugsylugs · 01/08/2017 01:02

Definitely no reason for you to stand you needed the seat. However I disagree with the majority children standing is more dangerous for them in case of an accident than a fit robust adult. I always stand to let children sit on trains underground buses etc.

DirtyChaiLatte · 01/08/2017 01:05

YANBU at all, and there's no need to explain about the UTI as it's completely irrelevant in this situation, as you shouldn't have to move with or without a UTI.

Some people are so ridiculously entitled.

pringlecat · 01/08/2017 01:11

As an adult, I wouldn't consider standing for a 10-year-old girl unless she was carrying a "Please offer me a seat" card or badge. There's no reason to otherwise.

FluffyPineapple · 01/08/2017 01:19

YWNBU - It makes no difference whether you had health problems or not. A 10 year old is perfectly capable of standing on a train for one stop. If not the parent should have offered her child the seat.

Cheeky cow expecting someone to stand for her child to sit down. entitled much!

Birdshitbridgegotme · 01/08/2017 01:24

Defo nu- I always offer my seat to those less able to stand but if she had asked me I would have laughed and asked what was wrong with her legs tgat she could stand to let her own daughter ait if she needed to that bad. I will always stand before my children or put them on my lap of possible. Silly woman

Tisgrand · 01/08/2017 01:36

Errmmm, no. Hope you gave her this Hmm face. Liadain has it right, she's a wagon - surely you LOOKED as if you were in pain.

Hope you've started feeling better OP. I have just recently started getting uti's and they can be hell, I never knew how bad they can make you feel. (I owe my beloved DMil an apology, for not being sufficiently sympathatic to her over the years!)

OhSoggyBiscuit · 01/08/2017 01:48

If your child has a hidden disability and needs to sit down, surely you let them sit in your seat instead?

faithinthesound · 01/08/2017 02:28

Everyone saying that their children have special needs and need a seat, you stand so they can sit, huh? You don't expect members of the public to get up for them, if I'm reading your posts right.

This woman clearly had no issues sitting while her precious stood, so why should OP feel obligated to get up? If that child had SN, the mother would have stood when no other seat was forthcoming. She didn't. So the child either didn't have SN, or the SN she had weren't bad enough for her own mother to give up her seat. Ergo, I don't think anecdata about children with SN on buses is relevant to THIS thread.

Atenco · 01/08/2017 03:09

The chances of both the mother and child having special needs and being too shy to mention it while at the same time trying to intimidate OP into giving up her seat are infinitesimally small.

Mum2OneTeen · 01/08/2017 03:37

Was the woman American? Interestingly I read an article a while that said that in New York on the subway, the norm is for adults to give up their seats so that children can sit down. Apparently there are even signs on the subway to that effect. Very strange!

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