WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

[FlyingFox95]

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

I will always offer my seat to elderly, disabled or very young children who's parents are standing unless I am in a lot of pain. (I have arthritis)

On very packed buses and ours are horrendous usually it is hard to watch a four year old being bashed by adults and stumbling about as our bus goes down a busy A road Bypass.

My teen DC1 has a hidden disability and the amount of shit she gets from grown adults even when she tries to explain is ridiculous

Difficult one. You didn't want to explain to everyone in the carriage that you were poorly, and in what way.
I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, as does my Young DD. My knees and ankles have been known to dislocate whilst standing on trains and buses and I have also had a shoulder dislocation from holding rail on the central line. My DD recently had a dislocated hip and is being really brave in her recovery. When we went to London a couple of weeks ago I made sure she and I both had a seat and I'm afraid I would have refused to stand or let her stand for anyone else. Without explaining that my tiny little girl was at risk of dislocating joints (when we both don't have our crutches) I would have looked completely unreasonable but I don't want to have to explain to everyone with her sitting there. She feels different already and people demanding explanations doesn't help.
I don't know what the mum's deal was, bad day, tired, hidden disability whatever but just as they may not have grasped your situation, you may not have understood her request.
I have been called fat and lazy for asking for a seat when i nearly passed out and asked for a seat due to POTS which is part of my condition. It feels so much like I have to apologise for being disabled sometimes. You were entitled to keep your seat as you felt lousy, but they may also have needed it. Difficult. I have a badge now which asks people to give up seats if they can as I am disabled but tbh I find it so distressing to have to explain, I mostly avoid public transport.
Wishing you better OP

YANBU. I would have said the same.

That's such a difficult situation Jane, completely understand why you'd need a seat. But surely in that case you'd ask more than one person, instead of just stopping at one and then glaring at them?

I wouldn't give up my seat for a child unless it was a mum feeding her baby for example. My ds used to sit on my knee on a crowded bus or train.

That said, sometimes I've moved because I don't want a fidgety child sat next to me while the mother stands, so I've given my seat to the mum and found somewhere else (which may be the floor, or a seat in another carriage).

Tricky Jane. I totally get where you're coming from because I have a medical condition (not a disability) that sometimes makes it difficult to stand for any length of time but is invisible. But realistically, why should anyone give up their seat to me, a middle-aged youngish, apparently fit woman, if they don't know I'm ill? So I just say that I'm not feeling very well and could I sit down.