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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

231 replies

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:35

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 01/08/2017 12:30

The age of the child is far less relevant than the fact that the child's mother had her OWN arse on a seat

WeyHay · 01/08/2017 12:37

You're a paying adult. Of course you shouldn't give up your seat to a child.

I wonder how many of us were brought up when as a child/young person, one had free or concessionary travel on the condition that we did not occupy a seat if an adult (thus full-fare) passenger were standing? I know I did. I find it absurd that adults are now supposed to give up seats for able-bodied 10 year olds!

I really despair of some parents' attitudes towards children/young people having priority for seats over adults. When their parents are elderly and really in need of a seat, they'll reap what they've sown, with selfish passengers not brought up to look out for others & think of other people's comfort.

lalalalyra · 01/08/2017 12:44

How rude to take a seat herself and then ask you to stand!

I'll give DD1 my seat for medical reasons and I have, very occasionally, asked if anyone would give her a seat if she's having a bad day health wise, but I'd always ask generally and not a specific person, but not if I was sitting. That's just rude.

MrsClegane · 01/08/2017 12:45

wow...no ywNbu!!!!

I have at times stood so my child can sit down, but most of the time if there is only one seat I will sit, 5 yr old will be on my knee and my 8yr old stood next to me holding a rail or I'll hold onto them to they don't fall over. I wouldn't dare ask someone to sit so my child could sit.

Toysaurus · 01/08/2017 12:53

There's a lot of blanket ten year olds can stand statements on here. 'Young legs' etc. The op was not being unreasonable in this situation at all, but young children can have mobility issues too and if I my child met some of the narrow minded shitty attitudes some have on here on the bus on crowded buses I would tell them about themselves. It's bloody hard getting busy buses with disabilities and mobility issues, OP included.

YourHandInMyHand · 01/08/2017 12:58

My mum ALWAYS made us stand up if an adult needed a seat on a bus, never the other way around. If we were too big to sit on her knee we stood up, or sat on the floor but moved if people needed to pass.

If her child had a hidden disability or illness and needed a seat, the mum herself could have given her her seat.

flowergrrl77 · 01/08/2017 13:00

Totally @Toysaurus The OP was in need of the seat here! A hidden (albeit temporary - hope you're feeling better OP) issue that meant she NEEDED the seat!

I am glad to hear others understand that 'young legs' doesn't simply mean 'stand up you oik'

paxillin · 01/08/2017 13:01

but young children can have mobility issues too

I'd think that a lot more likely if mum hadn't just bagged the last seat and let her DD stand. If you have a child with mobility issues you'd be a special kind of arse to do that.

brasty · 01/08/2017 13:04

And just as adults wit hidden disabilities who look healthy need to say that, do do parents of healthy looking kids.
But yes, mum would have to have been awful to sit and leave her disabled child standing.

easterholidays · 01/08/2017 13:04

I wish we were a more understanding ppl

Yep agreed flowergrrl! And as you say, if people can have a reasonable conversation about it, it makes it much easier.

Hope you're feeling better by now OP.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/08/2017 13:17

If the child did have a mobility issue the mum would have given up her seat. If the mum also had a mobility issue she should have mentioned it and asked priority seats. A child of 10 without a mobility issue can easily stand. I'd stand up for kids under 5 but think older than that could cope unless the parent says otherwise.

Floggingmolly · 01/08/2017 13:20

Would you stand up for an under five who's own parent was sitting down, ghoul? Why?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/08/2017 16:01

If they were sitting with another child on their already then yes I would. If neither parent nor child has a seat I'd offer but not if unwell as in OP.

southeastdweller · 01/08/2017 17:12

The OP's circs simply aren't relevant here. The child didn't need a seat and her mum was an entitled so and so who shouldn't have asked, end of.

FrancisCrawford · 01/08/2017 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spangles1963 · 01/08/2017 18:27

Poor you OP,my sympathies. No way should an adult be expected to stand for a child of 10. If the child had a disability,she should have asked someone else after you declined. I had this on a bus not so long ago. I am registered disabled,use 2 walking sticks and I have serious problems standing up on a moving bus/train. A woman got on the packed bus with a child of about 8 or 9,and before sitting in the vacant (priority) seat next to me said 'Can you move so my son can sit down?' Before I could answer she retorted 'Well don't look so surprised! Isn't it usual for an adult to give a child their seat?' To which I replied 'No,not if that adult is disabled'. The look on her face was priceless as I indicated my walking sticks. She muttered something about how was she to know etc. I thought,trying to be a little more observant might help. I don't hide my walking sticks on public transport for this very reason! I could have said something to the effect that,time was when an able-bodied child wouldn't have dreamt of expecting an adult to give up their seat,even if they weren't disabled.

WeyHay · 01/08/2017 18:31

'Well don't look so surprised! Isn't it usual for an adult to give a child their seat?'

I just hope that when that woman is old or infirm or disabled (we'll all be one or the other) she doesn't meet young people raised by her own standards ....

Liverbird77 · 01/08/2017 18:33

This has made my blood boil. Cheeky vache!!! Of course kids should stand, or she could've given her seat to the precious snowflake. Hope you feel a bit better, OP, sending a hug your way!

SweetheartTreacleTart · 01/08/2017 18:37

Damn cheek! She should've got up for the child herself. YANBU

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 01/08/2017 18:44

Hope you're feeling better op Flowers

She was totally unreasonable. When I read the title I thought it was about a little child who might have trouble standing up if the train was moving....but not only were they old enough to not wobble about but the mum had a seat. She just chose to sit in it herself!

Liadain · 01/08/2017 18:57

My god Spangles, I think I'd have been tempted to reply "maybe you're right - go on, up you get and stand for the child now then!".

These weapons, I swear...reality must be delayed getting around to give them a good hard slap. The entitlement is amazing.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 01/08/2017 19:47

We get the train a lot with Dd8, and Ds9.

If there are only 1 or 2 seats available then the kids have them and I will stand. If plenty of seats available then we all sit down, however, if someone gets on who looks like they would need a seat and it is standing room only, then I give up my seat, as does DH when with us. Do not think I have ever made my kids give up their seat. I prefer them seated as opposed to standing at elbow height of adults in amongst a packed train.

But if we get on and no seats we all stand.

The only time I have "made" people move for the kids is for long train journeys when someone is sat in our reserved seats.

mrsRosaPimento · 01/08/2017 20:24

Why didn't she ask someone else?
I hope you feel better soon.Flowers

FrancisCrawford · 02/08/2017 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 02/08/2017 01:10

I agree. NT kids should be able to stand and hold onto the bars. Those just starting to walk and wobbly on their feet should sit on an adult's lap being held by them.
My opinion.