Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

231 replies

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:35

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

OP posts:
LeakyLittleBoat · 02/08/2017 01:36

CauliflowerSqueeze said exactly what I wanted to say and saved me the trouble.

Hope your UTI is responding to treatment so you're feeling a bit better now, OP. I'm very sorry for your loss too, look after yourself.

Evangeline3 · 02/08/2017 03:31

She is being so unreasonable. A child of 10 isn't entitled to take priority of a seat, if so then she could have freed her seat.
I have a chronic illness and suffer from constant UTI's so I empathise entirely. She has no idea of other's health concerns and should never push someone to free their seat.

coconuttella · 02/08/2017 07:10

Elderly man gets on, asks the little girl if he could sit where her doll is, to which the mother turned and said 'Not really, no. That's my child's doll and she wants her to sit.

I can barely believe this is for real.... If this happened when I was on the bus i would have exploded with rage and told the women exactly what I thought of her!

StarHeartDiamond · 02/08/2017 07:32

Sorry if it's been covered, but did the lady ask you to move up seats, or give up your seat altogether?

ArgyMargy · 02/08/2017 08:06

toastandbutter if I'd been that man I would have hurled the doll to the other end of the bus.

WeyHay · 02/08/2017 09:15

Mum sat down, turned to me and said 'come on now, shift it. There's a child. Don't be so ill mannered' - I told her there was no need to be rude and that I had a fractured knee, so I couldn't stand, so she replied 'Well, my daughters holding a doll, so she takes priority i'm afraid'

I've just seen this and am gob-smacked at the utter rudeness. When this woman is injured or old, she will reap what she has sown. She will have to stand to allow snowflake healthy children to sit.

But as we see from every "I can't possibly ever fold my pram for a wheelchair, they should just be able to walk" thread, in some cases parenthood doesn't actually make you a more compassionate, feeling person. In some cases it makes you unbelievably selfish and rude.

crashandburnt · 02/08/2017 11:24

Yanbu. That said I don't understand the requirement for children to stand so able bodied adults can sit down. I would much rather they were sat than jogging around the place. Frankly first come first served, disability / infirm aside in my book.

LogicalPsycho · 02/08/2017 11:34

I catch the train regularly with my 3DC.
They always offer their seat to an adult who needs it.
They're children and have boundless energy, and are at an age that they don't need to sit for safety.
If this cheeky cow woman thinks adults should vacate their seat for a child, she should have got off her own arse, shouldn't she? Wink

YADNBU Op.

MrsStinkey · 02/08/2017 11:37

She WBU and should've given her child the seat she was in if she wanted her to sit down. Hope you're feeling better now Flowers

PersianCatLady · 02/08/2017 11:41

It annoys when people expect you to give up a bus seat for their kids because kids don't pay to go on the bus.

Sadly where I live some women actually ask older people to move out of their seats for kids.

It is disgusting.

Elephant17 · 02/08/2017 12:08

Yanbu op.

Although, I don't see why everyone thinks children should always give up seats for adults? For old or disabled people or pregnant women, yes, but assuming this refers to able bodied people- a 23 year old (for instance) is just as capable as an 11 year old of standing Confused. An 11 year old's day isn't automatically easier than 23 year old's, we have no idea what goes on in anyone else's lives.

I'm more of a believer in 'respect humanity' than specifically 'respect your elders'.

cherish123 · 02/08/2017 17:44

YANBU -children always used to get up for adults.

If she wanted her child to sit - she should have got up. If DD was younger, she could have sat on her mother's knee.

Namechangecentralstation · 02/08/2017 17:48

OP hope you're feeling better Flowers

My eldest has hidden disabilities which makes it very difficult and dangerous to stand, but even when she was a child I wouldn't expect anyone to give up their seat. In fact, sometimes people would stand to let me sit and look on in amazement when I let DD sit instead. However, we usually had the youngest with us as well who would sit on eldest's knee - so 2-4-1 Grin

amimadtoconsiderthis2017 · 02/08/2017 17:50

I commute into London by train and have done for years. I've never given up my seat for an older child. YANBU

Ghanagirl · 02/08/2017 17:53

Just to add I have boy/girl twins age 9 and we frequently go into central London on Tube.
If there's not enough seats DH and DS stand whilst I sit with DD on my lap, if older person or someone whose disabled or pregnant get on then we offer them our seats...

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 17:55

I always stand if there are only enough seats for me or one of my children, so absolutely disagree that adults sit before children as a blanket rule - children can't usually reach straps to hold on to and suffer more harm if landed on by another adult etc. However anyone who takes a seat and leaves their child standing and then expects a stranger to give their child their seat is brazen almost beyond belief. Jaws on the floor and "why don't you get up and give her your seat?" seems like the only response!

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 17:58

Ghana why does your ds have to stand in that example? DS android DD could share the seat instead of you and DD surely. I often put my 3 to share 2 seats while I stand. Smallest is a boy and can't reach straps to hold onto, girl is oldest and almost adult size so she would stand before smallest brother.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 17:58

And not android (my autocorrect is very odd!)

Ghanagirl · 02/08/2017 18:20

drinkingtea I know it's not fashionable to be a gentleman but my DS is like his Dad my DH, he wouldn't want to sit if me and his sister standing.
Sorry for having considerate son...

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:23

Ghana what are you teaching your DD though? That she's weaker than her twin brother?

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:24

Adults are stronger than 9 year olds, so parents stand, children sit - sex irrelevant.

Ghanagirl · 02/08/2017 18:34

Drinkingtea
I'm not teaching her anything but she's naturally weaker (physically) than her twin brother.
She's 5 mins older and around 5 inches shorter and although she's fastest girl in her year DS is still much faster despite being 2/3rd fastest in year group, boys and men are stronger than women it's a fact get over it!

Theonlywayis · 02/08/2017 18:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:37

Ghana not at 9 they aren't. Your twins might be, but at 9 plenty of girls are bigger than their male classmates.

Either way it is unlikely your 9 yo DD is bigger and stronger with more mature skeletal development than you - both kids sit, both parents stand. DS does not sit instead of his sister but as well as her.

drinkingtea · 02/08/2017 18:39

Unlikely that your 9 year old DS is bigger and strongeretc than you