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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU? Not giving up train seat for a child?

231 replies

FlyingFox95 · 31/07/2017 23:35

Hiya

Just looking for a tiny bit of perspective into whether I am a horrible person or not.

I went home sick from work today because I had a really painful UTI. Without going into too much detail it was so bad that I needed to be sitting down because if I wasn't I had that unbearable itch which most of you will relate to.... I have recently miscarried too so was feeling more anxious than normal about the pain. Anyway it was particularly bad so I was struggling on my way to the doctors app I could book to get it sorted. Let's be honest, they suck.

The train I was on was quite busy, no spare seats and I was sitting beside someone on the aisle seat at the end of the carriage beside the bit where the trains join up (?). A woman sits at the free seat across the aisle from me and asks if I could move to let her DD sit down (older, around 10ish i'd say) sit down. I was already in a lot of pain and feeling like shit so i said no and apologised. I didn't explain in much detail to be fair as I didn't want the whole carriage to hear about my gynecological issues.

Anyway the woman was less than impressed and glared at me for the rest of the journey. I was surprised she didn't ask anyone else in the surrounding seats. They were only on for one stop strangely enough so her DD stood beside her in the aisle without needing to move away from her at any point.

Aibu? Should I have had to move or is it as weird as i thought it was?

OP posts:
Mum2OneTeen · 01/08/2017 03:38

ago

peepholepringle · 01/08/2017 03:39

YANBU! Rude woman. I'm sure that if it was so important for her daughter to sit down she could have given up her seat. As for flat

peepholepringle · 01/08/2017 03:40

Bloody phone posted too early.
As for her glaring at you the rest of the way...😒

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/08/2017 05:07

Bloody cheek of her!
No YWNBU.
At 10, her DD could have sat on her mother's lap, quite honestly - I'd take my 9yo boy onto my lap if I had to! (I have back problems so wouldn't want to stand myself and let him sit)
I certainly wouldn't be asking anyone else to shift for my medium-sized child!!

Groupie123 · 01/08/2017 05:37

Yanbu. Neither of them should have taken a seat for one stop

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 01/08/2017 05:53

YANBU. You'd still NBU even if you hadnt been ill. If the mother hadn't sat down before asking for your seat, it might be different.

Timefortea99 · 01/08/2017 06:07

A child should never be seated before an adult unless they are ill/disabled. If they are young they can sit on mum's lap. If older they can stand. There may be some exceptions depending on the circumstances but that is (my) rule of thumb.

Mother should have let her daughter sit on the seat she claimed as her own.

Hope you feel better. Hideous infections.

HCPinhiding · 01/08/2017 06:26

No YANBU. Hope your appt was helpful and you're starting to feel better soon.

WaxyBean · 01/08/2017 06:29

Was she asking you to stand or to move to the window seat - the former she is being unreasonable, the latter you.

coconuttella · 01/08/2017 06:41

YANBU

I remember my Dad making me get up from my seat on the Tube when about 10 yo so a middle-aged woman with no apparent infirmity or disability could sit down.

If they both had hidden needs that required seating they should have said or asked more people.

Interesting that things are different on NY subway though. We're they American?

DressedCrab · 01/08/2017 06:46

*Was she asking you to stand or to move to the window seat - the former she is being unreasonable, the latter you.

If OP sat in the window seat she would have had to sit on the lap of the person already sitting there.

Luckymummy22 · 01/08/2017 06:54

We always stood up to give an adult a seat.
I remember also if we had chips on the bus my mum always made us offer one to the people around as she said it wasn't fair for them to smell them and not have one lol

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 01/08/2017 07:00

YWNBITSBU - even if you weren't in pain you wouldn't have been being unreasonable - I have younger kids and either they share a seat and I stand over them, or I sit and have them both perched on my lap (3 year old definitely, 6 year old leans on me and I hold him close) - a 10 year old can stand, or swap seats with her mother - no need to take a strangers seat.

simon50 · 01/08/2017 07:03

How thing have changed !
When I was around that age, in late 1960 early 70s. My mum would have expected ME to give up MY seat to an adult.

Maybe her child was the little monkey that was playing with the shopping trolley the other week ?

TheNaze73 · 01/08/2017 07:08

YANBU. She sounds like an utter prick.

SelmaAndJubjub · 01/08/2017 07:13

The nerve of some people!

Spikeyball · 01/08/2017 07:13

Agree with others. If her child needed a seat/ struggled with standing, the mother should have given up her seat.

Sirzy · 01/08/2017 07:16

If ds wasn't in his wheelchair for some reason he would need A seat. However I would only be asking people to move if there where no seat not sitting down myself and then expecting someone else to move. If only one seat I would be standing while DS sat.

FreshHorizons · 01/08/2017 07:29

When I was 10yrs we were expected to give up our seat for an adult.
Ignore- had she really wanted a seat for her child she could have given her own- problem solved.

juliasalinger · 01/08/2017 07:33

YANBU. You feeling ill isn't even relevant. If she needed her child sat down she should have stood up. Or let her DD perch on her knee since it was only a short distance. I make my DDs (6 and 3) share a seat while I stand over them in that situation. I would move my elder child or myself for a person in greater need, but not an able bodied 10yo or her entitled mother!

DudeHatesHisCarryOut · 01/08/2017 07:36

YANBU. I remember being shoved in the back on a bus by the woman behind as an instruction to stand for someone getting on. That cheesed me off as I was just about to, but with a large number of bags getting organised to move was taking a time. Still think it would have been easier had someone else got up - at least me sitting down meant the bags were out the way (on the floor, not on a seat).

megletthesecond · 01/08/2017 07:40

The mum should have given up her seat for her child. I often stand while my dc's sit, I'm more stable and can hold on. And if others need the seat more then the dc's have to stand up too.

Sirzy · 01/08/2017 07:40

In the OPs situation I would have asked if she minded moving to the window seat so ds could be in grabbing distance - something better and safer for everyone really!

southeastdweller · 01/08/2017 07:41

The nerve of her! You didn't do anything wrong so YANBU.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/08/2017 07:46

The only thing you did wrong was to apologise for not moving.

There was nothing apologise for. Cheeky cow!

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