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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people treat you different if you are fat

312 replies

Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 19:49

I have recently put on a few stone which I need to lose. I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel that strangers were nicer to me when I was slimmer. It sounds daft, but today at a play park I noticed women looking me up and down and one woman pushed past me (quite rudely) to get into the park. When we went to the swings she couldn't grab her bag quickly enough (really, I wasn't going to steal it.). I know that I'm less attractive when I'm fatter and it makes me look a bit "rough" and (whisper) less middle class. My mums weight also fluctuates and she said she notices a difference in how folk treat her too. Do you think this is right, or are we imagining it?

OP posts:
RagamuffinAndFidget · 30/07/2017 21:48

I think you're right OP. I have lost about 6.5 stone and gone from a 22/24 to a 10/12 and I think I get treated very differently now. Especially by men Hmm they offer to help me a lot more and will let me 'get away' with stuff (cheekily nipping in front of them at a bar, for example). I took a car load of stuff to the tip yesterday and the guys there were falling over themselves offering to help.. I think they were a bit disappointed when I was actually able to chuck some bits of wood and rubbish bags in all by my little womanly self Wink

JaneEyre70 · 30/07/2017 21:55

I'm overweight OP, have lost 3 stone but still need to lose another 5 or so. I find that people are extremely rude when you're overweight. There is an assumption that you're fat, thick and lazy. And they also assume you're deaf and can't hear their nasty remarks.

WaxOnFeckOff · 30/07/2017 21:58

I think it is because of the weight OP but it's because how the weight makes you feel rather than being over weight per se.

I know some people who wear their extra weight well, very glam, very confident, I'm sure they don't get any different attitude regardless of what they weigh.

If you are feeling uncomfortable, wearing clothes that are a different style from normal (buying cheaper clothes because you don't want to invest in expensive clothes as you are intending losing weight), then maybe people are picking up on that?

I don't fit into either category and my weight fluctuates, mainly because I couldn't give a toss and I think that comes off me!

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 21:58

So, from the comments here by many women (but not all) who have been both overweight and slim is that, yes, they do get treated differently when overweight. Not sure whether to be glad or not that I was right Confused

OP posts:
whataboutbob · 30/07/2017 21:58

There are countless studies which show that people assume you are less intelligent and less of a nice person generally if you are overweight. And there is no debate that overweight/ obesity is linked to socio economic status, ie in 1st world countries the overweight are mostly found in lower income groups (opposite in low poor countries). Add to that people's tendency to judge others on looks generally, I'd surprised if you were imagining it OP.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 21:59

Actually wax. I am wearing cheaper clothes or clothes that don't fit as well as I have only recently put on this weight and don't have the funds to buy expensive clothes (and everything looks rubbish on me just now anyway)

OP posts:
WannaBeDelgadaToFitInToMyPrada · 30/07/2017 22:02

OP is right.
I am only size 12 atm on a diet! But when im fighting fit with a waist i feel i get more respect. Just a k8nd of general common decency respect. I dont mean im revered like a university lecturer or something. But yes. As a single parent i feel it is especially important not to be fat!

feral · 30/07/2017 22:05

I'm a 12/14 at the moment and a stone overweight according to BMI.

This time last year I was four stone heavier and that was not the biggest I've been. I've always been big and invisible! I lost lots of weight 11 years ago and that's when I met DH as I found the confidence to OLD. Since then it crept back on and DH didn't care but I did - so it's off again mostly.

Thing is - I've met some lovely people since having DS who have befriended me through nursery and a lady I met at a group - but they are the few. Most of the nursery mums stuck their noses up at me (but were happy to come to DS parties then not return the invite) and would not acknowledge me if we saw them in the park. Suddenly I'm slimmer and wearing nicer clothes and they've been all over me, all friendly 'hi how are you, we must get together with the kids' etc.

Fuck that shit. I've seen their true colours and I'll stick to my real friends!

It sucks to be invisible like that, yes, but it does afford you the luxury of knowing who your friends really are.

Sorry you feel like this OP. Sad

LaconicIcon · 30/07/2017 22:07

There was a programme on telly some time ago, where, I think it was three, people went into shops and secretly filmed their treatment and compared it with the same shops while they were wearing fat suits. They proved this definitely is a thing.

WaxOnFeckOff · 30/07/2017 22:12

Actually wax. I am wearing cheaper clothes or clothes that don't fit as well as I have only recently put on this weight and don't have the funds to buy expensive clothes (and everything looks rubbish on me just now anyway)

As horrible as it is, they are being different to you because they think you are poor and fat. It's just as awful though.

I have one friend in particular who must be a 16/18. but you never really notice what size she is. She is a lovely person, dresses and accessorises beautifully, has lovely posture and no intention of losing weight, she has a lovely partner and does a high powered job.

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 22:15

Wannabe.. I consider a size 12 slim!! I am a 16/18 just now and I've been bigger before (size 20) but I am really feeling it just now!!! I was a size 12 at my slimmest and thought I was the bees knees !!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 22:17

I really think that was the case wax!! Bloody bitches! They reminded me of the bitchy girls in an American movie

OP posts:
LaconicIcon · 30/07/2017 22:17

I just looked on YouTube for the programme but couldn't find it among the many videos on this subject

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 22:19

Thanks Laconic x

OP posts:
Toast3 · 30/07/2017 22:20

My weight fluctuates up and down (but quite a bit) and I can't say, I've experienced being treated differently in general. The only difference is male attention. I get much more when I'm slimmer...

MsJuniper · 30/07/2017 22:21

I was always overweight and then lost 6 stone. I was astonished at the change in the way I was treated. A new kindness, interest, doors opening literally and figuratively. It made me cry for my teenage self who never had that.

Mrsbclinton · 30/07/2017 22:23

I have recently lost weight and am now a size 8/10 was a 14/16.
I have noticed a positive shift in people's attitudes towards me.

Its a shallow world we live in.

PTA689 · 30/07/2017 22:27

I think Men do treat differently regardless of how they look.

nirit · 30/07/2017 22:29

I think if you have just recently gained weight, perhaps you don t dress as nicely as before, or you don t buy new clothes (waiting to lose the weight), or you don t put make-up etc. I know this happened to me after giving birth, and I honestly sometimes just wore dark clothes etc. So it might not be the weight but the whole presence. I certainly know some very sophisticated overweight ladies, who no one would see as rough, because they don t look that ever

Original poster
Mammylamb · 30/07/2017 22:33

Nrit. There is probably something in what you say, but I think it is a mixture of that and how society treats and thinks about fat women and poorer people

OP posts:
TinselTwins · 30/07/2017 22:39

Nah I spend more money on clothes when I'm fatter because it's harder to dress well

You can get away with scruffier clothes when you're thinner

WaxOnFeckOff · 30/07/2017 22:46

I really think that was the case wax!! Bloody bitches! They reminded me of the bitchy girls in an American movie

I agree, it's awful and a horrible way to judge people. I wonder who gets treated better, thin and poor or fat and middle class? I'm guessing that the poor get treated worse regardless of weight tbh. So, looking poor is worse than looking fat.

I grew up in poverty as part of a large family. I still remember my mum saying that we always had to look clean and tidy as otherwise people would judge her for having a lot of children. Sad but true.

Wendalicious · 30/07/2017 23:12

I agree with another poster, I'm a very proportioned size 20 and often don't feel "put together" something is digging in or riding up- I was once told by an ex friend that I make expensive stuff look cheap 🤔

HelenaDove · 30/07/2017 23:49

Im a size 14 Where i live im one of the slimmer ones.(when Universal Credit comes in that will make it even harder to eat healthily round here) Ive always made an effort with clothes and make up whatever my size though.

The hardest thing for me ..........bras Ive been a 46G when i was 21 stone. a 38K and now a 32HH.
I tend to lose off my back but not my boobs. Which is why i cant attempt to go any lower than a size 14 More will just come off my back. And i cant be spending on Rigby + Peller type bras Too expensive £30 a pop is quite enough.

mylittlephoney · 31/07/2017 00:07

Chasing you are exactly the kind of fatty basher I want to sit on. Fuck u. We are overweight. We are people. So screw u.
I have in my 39 (and 11 months) learnt that people who judge u on your size are wankers. Life is so full of media driven bollocks that make women over a size 6 feel like they are obese. That I feel sorry so very very sorry for the sappy wankers who beleive in all that. Rubens painted large women. Freddy declared fat bottomed girls make the world go round. Even the bible says judge not lest ye be judged yourself. We all die. Be it accidental or because of how we treat our bodies. Don't judge anyone.