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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to need to hear something positive about having twins?

160 replies

Buildalegohouse · 30/07/2017 18:12

Found out 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant with twins.

The reactions of people we've told have mostly been a combination of shock, laughter and lots of 'good luck' types comments.

To be honest, I still haven't really processed the news fully and I'm pretty focused on all the negatives (higher risk pregnancy, money issues, need a bigger car, eventually need a bigger house, how we'll cope, sleep etc etc etc). I don't feel that anyone has been able to make me feel even slightly less panicked or reassured.

I don't even know anybody who has twins who can give me practical or reassuring advice.

We already have one DD who is nearly 3 and this was very much a planned and wanted preganancy but I feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

Please, please could anybody offer any positives or at least practical tips for coping with end of preganancy and arrival of babies?

(I know it will be difficult and expensive and hard work please can that not be the ficus of the thread, I need to hear good stuff Smile).

TIA

OP posts:
tinytemper66 · 30/07/2017 18:15

I never liked being a twin. Still don`t to be honest. It was 'cute' up to a point but I would rather be the younger of siblings than be the younger of twins....no chip eh?!

ellesbellesxxx · 30/07/2017 18:18

I have 9 week old twins.. and I couldn't be happier.
What has worked for us is having a routine with feeding.. we started off with every 3 hours but now more like 4. They sleep at night for a minimum of 3.5 hours already.
(My daughter sleeps a minimum of 5!)
Combo feeding works for us.. although now moving towards expressing and giving bottles as unfortunately they are still hungry after feeding from me so need to monitor what they are getting.
Most of all, they are so much fun! They are starting to be aware of each other and... they are incredible!
Wishing you all the best xx

Original poster
Buildalegohouse · 30/07/2017 18:18

Kind of missed the mark on positive and reassuring there. Hmm

OP posts:
ellesbellesxxx · 30/07/2017 18:19

Ps happy to answer any questions :)

YouTheCat · 30/07/2017 18:19

Accept all the help you can, especially in the early days.

Babies don't need to be expensive. You won't need two of everything, especially to start with. Get a decent buggy that fits your needs. I also found a sling handy for times when one wouldn't settle and I had stuff to do. If I was feeding one and the other was fractious then they'd be in their reclining chair thing and I'd rock it with my foot.

Grow extra hands. Grin

Good luck. Mine are 22 now.

Original poster
Buildalegohouse · 30/07/2017 18:20

That was aimed at tiny.

Thanks Elle. More like what I was looking for Smile

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 30/07/2017 18:20

And routine is key for your sanity.

NannyRed · 30/07/2017 18:21

I'm a grandmother to 6 year old twins. So I realise that's a bit different but, we have them visit every school holiday (to help mum out) . We have them here right now and have spent a lovely day at a children's farm. It's so nice the way they automatically 'buddy up' together, and the play together lovely (most of the time. )

Obviously early days are hard, my daughters mantra was Routine, Routine, Routine.

YouTheCat · 30/07/2017 18:23

Early days are tough but worth it.

My kids have autism so life was a bit different.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 30/07/2017 18:23

So. Ignoring the totally unhelpful comment above... please OP, ignore it.

I don't have twins. But I have friends with twins of different ages (including grown up with their own babies!).

From what I've seen, the hard work pays off when they start to play together. They've got someone going through life's big events at the same time. Someone who is always there to support them. The bond between twins can be awe inspiring.

I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed right now but think about the strength that comes from being in a couple. These might help you find plus points.

I'd also consider the practical side - one pregnancy will create two amazing individuals. and it's quite likely the pregnancy will be shorter - I'd have given all my worldly goods to shorten my two pregnancies 😂

Congratulations - your family is about to be enhanced by two little miracles xxx

Anatidae · 30/07/2017 18:24

Congratulations! How exciting :)

You will have extra challenges for sure, but you will also get extra monitoring, and you're in a country with excellent free medical care. You will have three close in age and you're done!

I'd suggest joining a twin mum group - plenty of veterans there who will have solid practical tips for you. You WILL manage (just like singletons or quad, failure isn't an option) even if it is hard.

The needing bigger car/house is longer term. Concentrate on the immediate coping strategies first.

Congrats! Triple the ❤️

Crumbs1 · 30/07/2017 18:25

My twins were a joy to raise by far the easiest of the children as they entertained each other and were co-dependent rather than unilaterally dependent on me. They were easier to leave, more content, more able to share things at a younger age and more self assured as adults.

PhyllisWig · 30/07/2017 18:25

I have twins and close family who are twins a sister does DH.

TBH we adore it and would never wish it any other way. My daughters are super close and twin it up brilliantly (rock paper scissors takes ages as they get the same thing constantly).

Money wise it's annoying but I figure we'd have the same expenses with two of different ages and this way we move through stages in one go iyswim. We don't have the tension of having to balance different age needs.

All of my twin family have had special bonds with their twins and I've only ever heard them speak positively about it.

I appreciate you'll have 3 so not the same as me but a good friend has dd1 then twins. She says it's stressful but more because she has3 kids rather than twins. Her twins are close too.

Of course it's not all shiny but you wanted a positive experience and overall mine is so far.

joleyn · 30/07/2017 18:27

I have 18 month old twins and had a 3.5 year old when they were born. Honestly it's been fine, most of the time it's great. We have no support locally but my dh is fab. Routine really helped, we buy a lot of stuff second hand but cope fine. The worst bit is everyone commenting and staring, especially when they were tiny.
I cried the day I found out it was twins as I thought it would ruin my eldests life! It's amazing now to seem them play. I had a relatively easy pregnancy, despite all the warnings about the risks and you get great support from other twin mums.

user1499786242 · 30/07/2017 18:27

Join some twin mum facebook groups!
Also look for local twin groups locally to you!

yelpforhelp · 30/07/2017 18:29

I've got 2 year old twins. They are hard work and expensive but awesome. And they make you brilliant at instantaneous risk assessing and multitasking!

Mine play together and are a proper little team despite having very different personalities.

Join your local twins group. There will be loads or advice and support and tea to get you through from now and for years to come.

It's good to try and practise your benign smile to the bullshit comments now. People say a lot of rubbish to twin mums, and most of it is repetition of the same 5/6 comments.

TellMeItsNotTrue · 30/07/2017 18:29

I have 2 sets of twins as cousins, and a friend who has twins, a mix of identical and boy/girl. All of them have said the best thing is that they always had a friend, they started school/nursery knowing someone (even if in different classes, they met in playground). At weekends, holidays etc they always had someone to play with.

The80sweregreat · 30/07/2017 18:29

A family member has twin girls and they are 6 now and at school.
i didnt see a lot of them as babies, but she was very calm with them and her husband is one of the good guys ( plus she has lots of family help from mil and her own mum and dad) so its not been too bad.
She said it was tough going, of course and a lot of things had to be shelved - but they are lovely girls and very close to each other.
I see pictures of them and it looks as if they get on well - they are a bit competitive i 've heard, but they like different things and not are not similar characters oddly enough, so i think they get on. i hope your pregnancy goes well, the twins were a few weeks early, but good sizes and came home after a few days. Try not to listen to too much negative - there is a group on line for multiple births and they are very good. take care and all the best. x

PhyllisWig · 30/07/2017 18:30

Oh and yes to routine. Dh likes routine himself and as babies they took after him.

Biggest pain in the arse was buggies tbh. There are better ones now (dds are almost 8).

NC4now · 30/07/2017 18:30

My SIL has 3yo twins. She loves being a twin mum - says it's really special.
It can't be all that bad, as they are expecting another baby later this year! She's delighted.

BoggledMind · 30/07/2017 18:30

I don't have twins but a couple of close friends have and they both say that they have found having twins easier than having their singleton first borns. There are of course challenges but then that would be the case regardless of whether we're talking about a single child or twins...but it's all worth it. People will always say silly things when it's a twin pregnancy, whether they mean what they're saying or not. Too many people have too many opinions about things they haven't actually experienced. Just ignore them and don't let them take away the excitement.

Herschellmum · 30/07/2017 18:32

I have 5 year old twins ... I'm not going to lie they do come with added logistical problems unique to twins, however, they also come with loads of added bonuses ... honestly it was so cute seeing them together when they were babies and they played together as toddlers, or at least had each other as company. If you want any advice or specific questions feel free to PM me.

Best bit of advice though is find some twin mummy friends at the same age, start now so you can share the unique twin pregnancy topics, my twin mummy friends were and are my biggest support.

My eldest wasn't yet 2 years when the twins were born and I had my 4th when they were 2.5!

Schoolquery2017 · 30/07/2017 18:34

So glad I've seen this as I have nothing negative to shears! I loved every minute, yes, the early months were hard work, but definitely not double as people suggest, and one of ours had a time consuming health condition. Of all the children I know well, twins are the easiest going, happiest children, perhaps because they had to wait a little longer for attention from the start, but it certainly didn't do them any harm.
Ours are 11 now and I'd repeat the baby days in a flash if I could. We're on holiday and they always have a like minded pal to entertain them, it's been like that since I could prop them up with cushions at 6 months and they could interact.
I'd recommend routine above everything, and a buggy with good suspension so they sleep easily - I walked them at least twice a day until they were one. And join your local twins group, no one understands twins quite like another twin mum.
Congratulations on your wonderful news, you're exceptionally lucky!

BugsyStar30 · 30/07/2017 18:34

My twins are 11 now and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sure, it's been hard work but then again, what child isn't? Routine is the key, particularly in the first year, but you'll find your way very quickly. Don't worry about a bigger car or a bigger house at the outset - I didn't go for either and I'm still here to tell the tale. I'm a single mum and it was a daunting prospect but looking back it's been the best 11 years of my life.

inniu · 30/07/2017 18:36

I have twins. My eldest was 22 months when they were born.

It was very busy but I loved it and it was great having them all the same age.

Teenagers now

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