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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to need to hear something positive about having twins?

160 replies

Buildalegohouse · 30/07/2017 18:12

Found out 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant with twins.

The reactions of people we've told have mostly been a combination of shock, laughter and lots of 'good luck' types comments.

To be honest, I still haven't really processed the news fully and I'm pretty focused on all the negatives (higher risk pregnancy, money issues, need a bigger car, eventually need a bigger house, how we'll cope, sleep etc etc etc). I don't feel that anyone has been able to make me feel even slightly less panicked or reassured.

I don't even know anybody who has twins who can give me practical or reassuring advice.

We already have one DD who is nearly 3 and this was very much a planned and wanted preganancy but I feel so overwhelmed at the moment.

Please, please could anybody offer any positives or at least practical tips for coping with end of preganancy and arrival of babies?

(I know it will be difficult and expensive and hard work please can that not be the ficus of the thread, I need to hear good stuff Smile).

TIA

OP posts:
MinorRSole · 01/08/2017 11:43

I have twins and I love it. They are 5 now and basically amazing biased

My eldest has autism and that has been the hardest work in terms of parenting, the twins have always seemed easy in comparison.

We have loads of those orchard games and they will just play those together happily whilst i get on with whatever needs doing.
Other than that they are always outside, pushing each other on swings or making some disgusting mud concoction. They are happiest together and seem to love having each other.

You will be fine op, what you're feeling is natural but you will look back and wonder why you were so worried

Congratulations Flowers

GreenTulips · 01/08/2017 12:06

Practical tips

Get 2 different coloured bottles - easier to tell who's been fed when you're half asleep - I would also look to see if DH had fed one and know which one he'd fed etc

Bouncy chairs are a god send

Use a baby bath in the living room

Make sure you look after you - it's easier as you have to feed the older one!!

Get snuggle blankets and wrap them up to sleep - you can't rock two so don't even try

You can pick them up single handed - they cling on a strangely don't flip back like singles

But twin reigns - god send - and longer leads - as is a buggy board for the little one!!

Neighbours were great and knocked to see if I needed anything from the shop.

Take half an hour when DH c ones home - because you need it'

Lower you standards - and have a day off from housework sometimes

Have a spare bag in the car ready to go

justilou · 01/08/2017 12:14

God people are dire, aren't they? My twins are nearly 11. You will have a fabulous time coming up with smartarse answers to stupid questions that only parents of multiples are subjected to in the supermarket by complete strangers... i.e. "Are they natural?" "No, very definitely artificially coloured and flavoured." "I.V.F.?" "No... S.E.X." Seriously fun times. ALSO - When babies go through the Klingon stage when they're about 1, and you can't go to the loo by yourself because their emotional health is seriously at risk, they won't give a shit because they have each other to hang out with. It is probably much easier with two at this stage than just one. Lastly, twins are what you make of them, really. Mine are b/g twins who don't even look related, let alone look like twins. Psychologically I think it's possibly the best way for them to be. They are not more closely related to each other than they are to their older sister. When I was pregnant with them, I had a friend with 15 year old twin daughters (not remotely identical) who begged me not to get sucked into the twin "hype" as it drove them batshit. Their explanations about it being more about the parents than the kids kind of hit home. They are two separate kids who will have different personalities and different interests. Just enjoy watching them evolve into the people they are.

TipsNotHacks · 01/08/2017 12:16

My brothers are twins (non identical) and the bond between them is incredible. My parents always said that the hard work was worth it for the comedy element that they've always provided. And in actual fact, she has always said that they comforted each other so we're far easier to manage when they were together, which is obviously 99% of the time when they were kids.

I am going through IVF and I always choose to implant 2 embryos as I would KILL for twins and all the joy that they bring.

No negatives to report here but wishing you all the best.

MorrisZapp · 01/08/2017 12:17

I went to a wedding once and the best man was actually men: identical twins, both bald. Best thing ever.

justilou · 01/08/2017 12:18

BTW - my first kid had horrible reflux. She didn't sleep for longer than 40 mins until she could walk. I thought they were all like that, so cried and cried when I found out that I was having twins, as I barely coped the first time around. When one baby woke for a feed, we woke the other. I say we because I had no breastmilk and my husband fed them too. (Which meant that each of us had at least four hours sleep per night at the beginning, and it just got better from there.). I had one kid who wanted immediate gratification and one who was happy to just wait until she had finished yelling at me. They are still like that. (In hindsight, they were like that in utero too.). I digress.... What I'm saying is that my twins were actually easier than my lonely only. They slept through from about 8 weeks and they are pretty nice people. Ignore the drama queens and forge your own path.

Abstardust · 01/08/2017 12:25

My twins are 6 now and it brilliant, the bond between them is great, they really look out for each other. Tbh the new born stage is all a bit of a blur as it was hard and tiring but I wouldn't change it for the world.
We found you didnt need two of everything they shared a cot happily until over a year old, even with they same toys theyd still want to play with the same thing, they are identical and we never dressed them the same as everyone else got confused. Be prepared for being stopped in the street and lots of questions, even at 6 we still get stopped.
It can be hard work but very much worth it

Lucysky2017 · 01/08/2017 12:40

i agree with user above on most things but I did find breastfeeding them (one on each side), me sitting on sofa usually (or double bed) was much easier than bottle feeding would have been as they are fed at the same time (saves loads of time) and you don't need to bother with buying bottles, formula, sterlisation and night feeds are quick and easy. Also to start with I swapped them in the middle of the feed. By about 4 - 6 months they had their own preferred supply and breastfeeding being such a clever thing they had got the supply and demand just right for that twin on that particular side! Anyway up to you - have a go with however you feel you want to feed them.

dangle90 · 01/08/2017 12:56

I love this thread! Currently 17 weeks pregnant with twins and go through stages of anxiety about it obviously excitement too. If you want to talk to a few others that are going through the same feel free to join us on a thread in "multiples" about expecting twins In Jan :)! X

WashBasketsAreUs · 01/08/2017 16:09

I had a 3 year old dd then had twin dd's. I found because I'd already done the PFB with the first I was a lot more laid back with the twins. I also had less time to faff about. Feed, change, sleep was my mantra. I bottle fed them and could do both at the same time. I lay cushions on the floor, sheet over the top and popped them on there. Bottle in each hand, sit on the floor, change the tv with my foot for the eldest!
One thing I discovered by accident was getting them to sleep. They slept in the pram downstairs and if they were in there and I hoovered up, the noise of the Hoover sent them to sleep. I used to Hoover up 3 times a day, worked every time!
Also if one wakes for a feed, wake the other one and feed both at the same time, otherwise you'll be there all day. When they're very small keep them in the same cot, back to back so they can get comfort from knowing the other is there.

Take all the help you can get. Mine were passed to anyone who was here, they were fine. I often say that the twins were easier than my eldest singleton, because I was less stressed as I'd made all the mistakes with my eldest. They are all grown up now and all 3 of them are very close. Good luck.

GreenTulips · 01/08/2017 16:18

I sat crossed legged on the floor with a baby resting on each knee

Then could move one over my thigh to wind - still holding a bottle for the other!!

Cut corners!! It's the only way!!

GreenTulips · 01/08/2017 16:21

Do forget the 'but on her one free' LOL!! every fucking shop
And there's 'which one is the evil one?'
Are they yours?
Double trouble?

GreenTulips · 01/08/2017 16:21

Buy one get one free !! Even

babybluegirl · 01/08/2017 16:40

We have 9 year old twin girls (non identical - couldn't be more differ if they tried) and 2 older daughters. I have loved at least 90% of it - would be 100% but I am only human!!
They were by far my easiest babies and toddlers and this summer has been a real eye opener at how little they need other kids as they entertain each other or leave each other alone - whatever suits.
It is sooo much fun as well - even now as they get older they are just so funny. The older girls don't miss out really although with 4 kids we live within a budget.
My very favourite part was giving them their nighttime bottles and cuddles before bedtime as young toddlers- my arms felt so full of love and they were so content and then I got to enjoy my older Yeo's chat for their bedtime. It will be fabulous- you are very blessed - the pregnancy for me was only harder after 33 weeks- so just be prepared for being a bit wrecked then.
Wishing you all a safe and happy life together!

babybluegirl · 01/08/2017 16:41

On my phone so ignore poor spelling

toomuchtooold · 01/08/2017 18:40

I would recommend a Weego twin baby carrier for the early days. If you bottle feed them, I did it with them lying on the floor on either side of me from about 3 months onward. It worked great as you can do them both at the same time, and as long as the floor covering is soft you can burp the fast drinker while still feeding the slow one by sort of scooping them up with your arm and balancing them at the side of your leg.

If you can get them to nap at the same time it is much, much easier. I'd recommend the Millpond clinic's book Teach Your Child To Sleep for tips. I mean it's much the same as getting any kid to sleep. I read that if you take them out to see the daylight at 8am, that will start to set their body clock faster (for a 7/7.30 bedtime) and then from about 4 months (corrected age, i.e. add weeks on if they're early) you can try and get them to nap by the clock i.e. up at 7am, down at 9am, up at 10 am, down at 1pm, up at 3pm, quick snooze in the buggy at half 4. Then drop the late afternoon nap at about 7 or 8 months or whenever they stop needing it, morning nap goes somewhere around 12-18 months, hope to god the afternoon nap lasts for as long as possible...

IDK if anyone's said this upthread but if you've been scared to death by all the talk of the increased risk of premature birth and stuff, remember that while the relative risk is higher for twins, it's still a pretty bloody small risk and most twins are absolutely fine.

And last but not least... they start nursery together, so in 3 years' time when you're totally knackered it will get much much easier all in one go!

rosea19 · 01/08/2017 19:09

I'm an identical twin and also have older siblings. Bring a twin is fantastic as you've always got a special bond that is different to the bond with your other siblings. It's so much fun but my mum said it wasn't too bad as she says we entertained each other. I do remember being compared a lot though by friends of family e.g. One is more chatty, more shy etc and that got annoying. But overall I would much rather be a twin than a non twin. Congratulations and sure you'll be fine!

Mittens1969 · 01/08/2017 19:29

I have friends who have triplets, the result of IUI fertility treatment. I remember the panic when they first knew they were going to have 3 babies. But they were great company for each other from early on and best of friends as they grew up. Also slept right through the night very early! I loved babysitting lol!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Smile

thismumismad · 01/08/2017 20:11

Double the nappies, double the noise
Double the pleasures, double the joys.
Feeling two babies breathing on your neck, at the same time, is like nothing else in the world. Watching one twin gazing lovingly at you then at his twin then back to me during feeding time. BF was so much easier than trying to bottle feed them both. The first feed in the day I used to stagger so that I spent time with one then he would sleep again when the other one woke for feeding.

ittakes2 · 02/08/2017 00:51

I love having twins! So much so that we tried for another set!

user1471446151 · 02/08/2017 08:05

Im a twin and we are amazing

Lucysky2017 · 02/08/2017 08:14

I was very keen not to muddle them up at first but as they are not identical and one was born with loads of very very thick blonde hair (a memory of giving birth vaginally actually was the feeling of all the hair coming out - which is a weird memory - sorry.....) and the other rather thin fair/brown hair and they are totally different shapes so the muddling up did not happen although I did keep the bracelet identifier on for longer than most people would just to be sure and I was really keen to see the two placentae with my own eyes. I have a photo of them - probably the least attractive baby photo ever taken by anyone in some eyes...... to prove they were non identicals as the scans had been showing. (I went to school with genetically non identical twins - some of my best friends and they were virtually identical very surprisingly - everyone thought they were identical twins but were not)

GreenTulips · 02/08/2017 09:45

LOL - I wanted to see then placentas as well!! Made the nurse come and show me!' What a sight!!

But no photos

WashBasketsAreUs · 02/08/2017 09:53

Ooh just remembered. Mine were identical so before you take their hospital tags off, paint the big toenails of the oldest one to stop them getting muddled up, if they're identical. Still managed to get mine mixed up once! ( possibly more, who knows?) Lol

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 02/08/2017 10:10

We have DS1 (11) and DTSs (3 months).

Absolutely yes for routine routine routine.

Also yes, join TAMBA. They are great and the discounts are very welcome indeed.

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