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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drink when home with DC?

194 replies

Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 13:56

My second AIBU in as many days, although this is the fault of my first!

My boyfriends been a bit of arse this morning and we've just had a bit of a row, over the fact I was drinking in the house last night, when DD was in bed.
He was out with friends and I had friends at our house, he's saying I knew he was drinking so I shouldn't have.

I can understand if I was drunk, but I obviously knew I was in charge of DD, so I wasn't! He's saying anything more than 1/2 drinks isn't ok though.

OP posts:
Anatidae · 31/07/2017 09:48

had 4 glasses of wine and a few cocktails

Yeah that's a lot. That would floor me (I know everyone is different but even over a few hours that's going to put most women over the dd limit.)

roundaboutshuh · 31/07/2017 09:51

It's a bit too much and I think you know it... ! Assuming you wouldn't drink that much regularly, nothing happened so it's not the end of the world... Next time just have the wine or the cocktails?

Your BF is being a bit controlling - is he adoringly protective of his family or does he use faux concern to control those around him?

Has your child been poorly, and so may wake up?

Do either of you have a medical condition...?

No straight answer but certain answers to the above might sway me further...

Strugglingmumbot · 31/07/2017 09:55

Do people think it would be ok if OP was asking if it was ok to smoke a joint or take coke while DC was in bed?

4 glasses of wine and a few cocktails

I'd be paralytic after that.

It would never occur to me to have a drink while alone at home TBH, but I recognise I'm in a minority there as I just don't really drink, it triggers my migraines and I don't particularly enjoy it - I'd rather have some chocolate :)

waitforitfdear · 31/07/2017 09:55

Oh op you must be new to mumsnet.

Clearly no one should drink until their children are grown up and can then drive themselves or each other to hospital in the obviously daily event of a medical emergency.

I don't really know any parent who doesn't have a few glasses once the kids are in bed or shock horror playing at home and you are not planning on driving.

No one I know gets rat faced drunk while in charge of their kids.

A few glasses and cocktails wouldn't flaw me but if it would flaw others then obviously you shouldn't.

Your ds sounds a controlling twat.

waitforitfdear · 31/07/2017 09:55

Dh sorry Grin

Anatidae · 31/07/2017 10:03

I don't really know any parent who doesn't have a few glasses once the kids are in bed

I don't. I know it affects me and the idea of a hangover with a toddler is horrific.

Nothing wrong with having a moderate drink in the evening when they're in bed now and then, but 4 wines and a few cocktails is a lot by anyone's measure. Especially if the other parent is out drinking too - when you both go to sleep you're going to be out of it - would you hear them if they woke?

Doremisofarsogood · 31/07/2017 10:04

Really??? All my friends with kids drink in front of their kids and/or when they're in bed, even shock horror going to the local for a few while the kids play! I've been pissed and perfectly capable of dealing with a nightmare, a wet bed, even bottle feeds in the early days. Absolutely hammered, on occasion, but OH and I take turns when we know that might happen. Our DD is 4 and thriving, no adverse effects! Shoot me now Shock

XiCi · 31/07/2017 10:06

FFS the OP has repeatedly said she wasn't drunk. Unless she was paralytic her DP was being an arse to say she shouldnt have had a drink when her friends were round.

These threads always go the same way, with pearl clutching about having to drive in an emergency. I have to say that in 30 years of social drinking I have never had to deal with any sort of emergency either whilst out drinking or in the house. Shock horror, for some of those years I didn't even drive so would have called an ambulance or taxi or family member instead. The chances of there being a medical emergency when you have a healthy child soundly sleeping upstairs must be virtually nil anyway. If they were ill that would be a different matter but in this case I see nothing wrong with the OP having a few drinks

Mammyloveswine · 31/07/2017 10:09

You can probably guess which way I'm going to go based on my user name...I'll often have a glass or two of wine in the house when lo is in bed! I don't get absolutely shit faced and would be more than able to cope in an emergency (although what could happen during the time he's in bed asleep makes this unlikely!). I would not have a wild party or down shots (wouldn't do this anyway!) and think OP that your BF is being a spiteful arse! When was the last time you went out and he stayed in with the kids??

PurpleDaisies · 31/07/2017 10:10

4 glasses of wine and a few cocktails

I'd be paralytic after that.

So what? The op wasn't. Why do people keep saying this? It's totally irrelevant.

MoonPower · 31/07/2017 10:13

For goodness sake if you needed to go to the hospital you can get a cab surely?

waitforitfdear · 31/07/2017 10:14

Anaitidae

Of bourse of you get horrific hangovers it's silly to drink but personally I have never had a hang over and can drink quite happily and take care of my kids. Most people can. The op could. If you can't you shouldn't.

Everyone is different but the hysteria of mumsnet that you can't drink because you might need to drive an ill child to hospital is such bollocks. Of your child is ill then you probably wouldn't drink because you expect a broken night and if a child has a bad accident or becomes ill very quickly you dial 999 anyway

angieloumc · 31/07/2017 10:31

BusterGonad I apologise then, I didn't read properly the circumstances of your evening.

Sallystyle · 31/07/2017 10:33

I would not have been happy at all if my husband had drank that much while looking after our hypothetical 9 month old baby. I would also not be happy to have his drunk friend in my bed who had been vomiting. However, I have little patience for drunk people and don't want drunk people in my house. I don't like it and I don't like being around it so having dh's pissed friend in my bed would have pissed me off more than the fact that there was a baby in the house sleeping.

I don't see an issue with people have some alcohol when looking after their children. I am not a big drinker and never have been but I have had the odd glass of wine when in sole charge of my children knowing that I have the number for the emergency services and taxis if I need them. Actually, that thought didn't cross my mind because it's an extremely rare occasion you're going to need to go to A&E for a baby who is well and sleeping.

If I was the OP's boyfriend I would have been concerned too but OP obviously had it under her control and knows her limits. I just wouldn't like it but it doesn't mean it's wrong I guess.

MrsOverTheRoad · 31/07/2017 10:36

Ido

So do you have any links to good research proving that "adrenaline temporarily overrides the effects of alcohol"?

LanaDelRana · 31/07/2017 10:41

I am a single parent, if I never had a drink when in sole charge of the children I would have to go sober everynight which let me tell you would be hard to do when having two DC by myself can be really hard work.

I often have a glass or two in the evening as it helps me relax from the day and I like to have some 'grown up' time in the evening. I would never be roaring drunk, but probably wouldn't be okay to drive in an emergency but an emergency could happen at any given time and if it were a true emergency we have emergency services.

BusterGonad · 31/07/2017 12:23

Thanks Angie Grin

Original poster
Emboo19 · 31/07/2017 12:26

I think that's what he was most annoyed about U2 but it's unusual for him to be like that, and either way I was sharing a bed with someone drunk. I think in his drunken mind he was probably hoping to get lucky and that didn't happen.

He's not controlling or adoring, I honestly wouldn't have expected him to be bothered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 31/07/2017 12:34

Not, not bothered in a horrible way! That sounds bad, just he's not really a over cautious parent and he's never questioned my choices before.

OP posts:
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