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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To drink when home with DC?

194 replies

Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 13:56

My second AIBU in as many days, although this is the fault of my first!

My boyfriends been a bit of arse this morning and we've just had a bit of a row, over the fact I was drinking in the house last night, when DD was in bed.
He was out with friends and I had friends at our house, he's saying I knew he was drinking so I shouldn't have.

I can understand if I was drunk, but I obviously knew I was in charge of DD, so I wasn't! He's saying anything more than 1/2 drinks isn't ok though.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 30/07/2017 14:47

I did (and still do), couple of glasses of wine is all (I never touch spirits or beer as don't like the taste).
Slightly off topic......I remember once when single (a fair few years ago), I popped out during my lunch break to Tesco and came back with some wine (one bottle) and a whole chicken and other bits and bobs. Someone actually commented that "it was a slippery slope" drinking alone and what did I need a family sized chicken for just for one? So because I was single and lived alone I wasn't allowed a glass of wine on a Friday night!!! As for the chicken, it was to make a casserole which I used to portion into batches for the freezer.

MadMags · 30/07/2017 14:48

Why do people insist on telling their stories about a couple of beers, or a glass or two of wine, even after OP has said she drank a lot more than that?

welshweasel · 30/07/2017 14:48

Actually breastfeeding whilst hammered is fine. Obviously being in sole charge of a baby whilst hammered is not. I'm not condoning it, just pointing out that there's no actual harm in it. There are weird views surrounding alcohol and BF on here, I suspect far more people would BF long term if they felt that having a few drinks was acceptable.

Crunchymum · 30/07/2017 14:48

We don't have a car so the whole 'driving to hospital' is a moot point for us. We would have to get a taxi / lift anyway.

DP isn't a massive drinker and I'm a 'few glasses of wine over the course of evening with food' type of drinker so it's never been an issue for us.

The important thing is people know their limits and have an emergency plan in place so do example if you are both over the limit are you able to get to hospital if you need to? (I'm thinking of people who may live rurally and not have reliable taxi services).

Of course of things were 'that bad' you call an ambulance?

kel1234 · 30/07/2017 14:53

I don't see the problem at all, as long as you remain fully able to look after your child. My husband and I drink daily, we don't get drunk, but we do have a few drinks, both when our son is up and in bed. I don't see the problem as long as we are able to look after him.

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 14:55

Kel1234 4 wines plus cocktails is not just a few drinks Hmm

PoppyPopcorn · 30/07/2017 14:58

I have three children. The oldest is 14. I have never once in the 14 and a bit years he's been alive had a sudden emergency in which I've had to drop everything and rush him to the hospital at night in the car.

I have had to take my youngest with asthma, but you use your common sense, see they're starting to struggle and think you'll stay off the wine.

In Scotland the drink drive limit is practically zero so some people on here are basically saying you shouldn't ever drink until your kids are 18, and that there must be a sober adult in charge of them at all times in case.... in case what?

Hysterical reaction. Child in bed and perfectly safe. Mother having a few drinks. Big fucking deal.

Upyourdaisy · 30/07/2017 14:59

Just curious, how strong are cocktails in general (I've never had one Blush)

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 15:02

Those were the drinks over the whole evening, split with non alcoholic drinks and food. So I'd had a glass of wine with dinner, then nothing for a bit then a few more as me and my friend chatted.
Other friends arrived later on and one of them works in a cocktail bar, he made a few drinks, I asked him to add a smaller measure of alcohol to mine, had two like that then just none alcoholic drinks.
I was tipsy, but not drunk and was still fully aware DD was up in bed.

My bf says he only has 1/2 beers max if I'm out, but I've honestly not noticed that as I've never checked or asked him.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 30/07/2017 15:03

That's quite an amount of alcohol that you're casually dismissing as "a few drinks"...
The fact that you added "we had eaten, etc (whatever the etc covers?!)" in mitigation is bizarre.

The amount of posters telling you you were just fine to be in sole charge of a 9 month old baby after that lot is shocking, actually.

crazywriter · 30/07/2017 15:03

Depends on the amount of course but based on what you've said in your OK YANBU to have a drink or two. My and DH have a can on a Saturday and Sunday. Just one can each on both nights and that's us for the weekend. Never had a problem looking after our DDs if an emergency.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 30/07/2017 15:04

One of my friends wasn't drinking as she was driving, not that I was thinking of that as a means to me drinking more. My main concern was I'd be getting up in the morning and I wouldn't want to be hungover.

OP posts:
lastrose123 · 30/07/2017 15:05

I had to deal with an emergency on the street the other day with a stranger, after two large glasses of wine. Although I was aware I was a bit less alert I was sober enough to know what to do. I would not have been under the limit to drive but would have been ok to find someone who could. Would not recommend both parents being off their heads but one having half a bottle of wine over an evening when all is well seems ok to me.

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 15:05

I know someone who doesn't even drink anything alcoholic on the evening her H is doing his hobby in case she might need to drive to hospital.

crazywriter · 30/07/2017 15:05

Based on other posts YABU. Wine plus a few cocktails, enough to make you tipsy is over the top when looking after children. Especially a 9mo.

MadMags · 30/07/2017 15:07

Except it was more than half a bottle, and some cocktails.

craftsy · 30/07/2017 15:07

That's an awful lot to drink OP, sorry, particularly if the breastfed child is a baby. The thing with alcohol is that it can give you a very, very false sense of your capability. You think you are fine but you aren't. With that much alcohol in your system, you wouldn't have been functioning well enough to care for a baby, no matter how much you feel otherwise.

My ex husband is an alcoholic and at times he would be literally falling over drunk and utterly insistent that he was fine and convinced that everyone else thought he was fine. Internally he felt normal, in reality he was so out of it that it was terrifying to be around. And while I'm not saying that you were that kind of drunk, what I am saying is that someone who has been drinking can't always tell how impaired they actually are. The world is full of people who carried on as normal despite drinking because they were sure they were fine, by driving, co-sleeping with a baby, practising medicine, etc and hurt other people because of it.

I suggest that if you want to have a few drinks when you are on your own with DC that you try finding some low-alcohol drinks you enjoy. I have an odd relationship with alcohol because of living with an alcoholic for so long. I spent years teetotal so as not to be a bad influence on him or to support him when he was trying to stay sober (haha), so I'm nearly 40 with a low tolerance and unsophisticated tastes, so maybe this is only satisfying to me. But in summer, I buy Sangria in Aldi, pour it over frozen strawberries and blueberries and top it with lemonade. It's only 5% vol to begin with, so the way I drink it it's about 3%. I winter I top off hot chocolate with Baileys. I get the decadent, unwinding feeling of having a drink but, apart from driving, I can do whatever else I need to for my son if the need arose.

SummerMummy88 · 30/07/2017 15:08

Four glasses of wine is a bottle and then cocktails on top? I think that's far too much when looking after children (just my personal opinion) one or two glasses of wine wouldn't be unreasonable, but four glasses and cocktail.......

LaurieMarlow · 30/07/2017 15:11

Thing is that people have different tolerance levels. I wouldn't be functioning on that much, but I know people who would probably be ok.

Amanduh · 30/07/2017 15:13

Yanbu,
You know yourself and what you can and can't drink and be aware/capable.

BorisTrumpsHair · 30/07/2017 15:18

lots of double standards here on MN.
Everybody drinks, but nobody drinks, and God forbid anyone would every have a drink with an ACTUAL CHILD in the house.

Upyourdaisy · 30/07/2017 15:21

BorisTrumpsHair couldn't agree more

Allyg1185 · 30/07/2017 15:23

Everyone reacts differently to alcohol and the amount of alcohol. All depends on food consumed that day, how well hydrated the person is, length of time the alcohol was consumed over and body weight etc

ConstanceCraving · 30/07/2017 15:23

Double standards? How do you mean?

BusterGonad · 30/07/2017 15:27

I started drinking yesterday at 3pm, I had 2 cans of 4% cidar, I then went to the pub at 6 and had some food and about 5 or 6 pints of 4% cidar. I left at 10.30 and walked home with my son in the dark (no street lamps) with head lamps on, we got in fine, I did his teeth and put him to bed, I took my make up off and did my teeth and went to bed. I wouldn't obviously drive but I could've handled an emergency and did what I need to do.

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